第十二章：建立关系

Chapter 12: Establishing Relationships

Establishing Relationships: Recognition and Meaningful Relationship
建立关系：认知和有意义的关系

As revealed to God’s Messenger Marshall Vian Summers on January 1, 1989 in Albany, NY
1989年1月1日，在纽约州奥尔巴尼(Albany, NY)，向上帝的信使马歇尔・维安・萨默斯(Marshall Vian Summers)揭示

What is a relationship?
什么是关系？

Relationship is when two or more people come together to fulfill an inner and an outer need. Life is like climbing a mountain, and you cannot climb it alone. You will not find your way alone, you will not gain strength alone and you will not learn to overcome the obstacles alone. You will need companionship. You will need companionship for encouragement, for discernment and for the courage to identify and eliminate your obstacles. You need relationship to learn The Way of Knowledge.

关系是指两个或更多的人走到一起，满足内在和外在的需求。生命就像爬山，你不能独自爬山。你不会独自找到方向，你不会独自获得力量，你不会独自学会克服障碍。你将需要陪伴。你将需要同伴的鼓励，需要辨别，需要勇气来识别和消除你的障碍。你需要关系来学习内识之路。

A relationship meets an inner need for development and an outer need for accomplishment. To establish a relationship simply to meet an inner need is insufficient because relationships are always geared towards accomplishment in the world. Recognition of another may meet an inner need, but a relationship is established in order to get things done. Therefore, it must have a worldly expression to become real and manifest.

关系能满足内在发展的需求和外在成就的需要。仅仅为了满足内在需求而建立关系是不够的，因为关系总是以在世界中取得成就为目的。对另一个人的承认可能会满足内在需求，但建立关系是为了把事情做好。因此，它必须有一种世俗的表达方式，才能成为真实和显现。

You may say everyone is already in relationship, and this of course is true. However, in meaningful terms, in terms of your experience in the world, it is what you can do with another person that will establish the depth, the power and the meaning of your relationship. That is why you must recognize both your inner and outer needs and learn the discernment necessary to see if another is compatible in meeting these needs. This discernment cannot be done completely at the outset because a large part of your discovery in relationships comes through participation with others. Yet at the outset, certain qualities and features must be there.

你可能会说每个人都已经在关系中了，这当然是真的。然而，从有意义的角度来看，从你在世界上的经历来看，你能与另一个人做什么，才能确立你们关系的深度、力量和意义。这就是为什么你必须认识到你的内在需求和外在需求，并学会必要的辨别能力，以了解另一个人是否能满足这些需求。这种辨别力不可能在一开始就完全完成，因为你在关系中的发现有很大一部分是通过与他人的参与来实现的。然而在一开始，某些品质和特征必须存在。

What are the criteria for a primary relationship?
一个主要关系的标准是什么？

This of course varies with what this relationship is intended to be and what you yourself are looking for. A primary relationship means that you will be sharing a great deal of your thoughts, your activities and even your physical body in certain cases. It is very important to realize that a primary relationship creates an opportunity for learning within both the mental and the physical environments. You do not learn in the spiritual environment because on the spiritual level, you do not need to learn anything. Here spiritual development is only gauged in terms of how much your spiritual life can emanate through your mental and your physical life.

这当然随这种关系的目的和你自己寻找的关系而变化。初级关系意味着你将分享大量的感想、活动，甚至在某些情况下分享你的身体。认识到初级关系在心理环境和物理环境中创造了一个学习的机会，这一点非常重要。你不会在精神环境中学习，因为在精神的层面上，你不需要学习任何东西。在这里，精神上的发展只是使你的精神生命能通过你的心理生活和物质生活散发出来。

A primary relationship establishes a unique mental and physical environment, which either support your spiritual emergence, hinder it or deny it. Therefore, one of the first basic criteria is that the other person, your prospective partner, must share your desire for spiritual advancement and contribution in the world. This is one of the essential criteria, but it is not the only one.

一个主要的关系建立了一个独特的心理环境和物理环境，它要么支持你精神上的出现，要么阻碍它，要么拒绝它。因此，首要的基本标准之一是，另一个人，也就是你的未来伴侣，必须与你一样渴望精神上的进步和对世界的贡献。这是基本标准之一，但不是唯一标准。

When people establish a relationship based only upon a shared sense of spiritual purpose or intention, their relationship will rarely stand. It will be prone to all kinds of practical difficulties. Often people who attempt relationship with these criteria alone will tend to deny or overlook the obstacles because they are so relieved to have finally found someone who shares their sense of spiritual purpose and destiny. So be very clear here that spiritual purpose and destiny cannot be the only criteria for participation. This is very important.

当人们只在共同的精神上的目的或意图的基础上建立关系时，他们的关系将很少站住脚。它将容易出现各种实际困难。通常情况下，仅凭这些标准尝试建立关系的人往往会否认或忽视这些障碍，因为他们对终于找到一个与他们有共同精神上的目的和命运感的人感到非常欣慰。所以在这里要非常清楚，精神上的目的和天命不能成为参与的唯一标准。这一点非常重要。

In terms of finding a mate in life, you must be physically compatible. Even in relationships that do not have this intimate component, it is very important that physically you are able to participate together. This requires health, and it requires that your physical needs and your physical condition are in balance with one another. If someone is very sickly and the other person is healthy, this will limit their ability to participate with one another. Here it is not so important that you like the way the other person’s body looks, but it will make a difference if the other person’s self-maintenance and the way they present themselves physically is significantly different from your own. This may hinder your participation together. Your bodies must be compatible in their state of health, in their presentation and even sometimes in their age.

就寻找生命中的伴侣而言，你们必须在身体上兼容。即使在没有这种亲密成分的关系中，在身体上你们能够一起参与是非常重要的。这需要健康，需要你的身体需求和你的身体状况相互平衡。如果有人病得很重，而另一个人很健康，这将限制他们彼此参与的能力。在这里，你是否喜欢对方身体的样子并不那么重要，但如果对方的自我维护和他们表现自己身体的方式与你的明显不同，就会产生影响。这可能会阻碍你们一起参与。你们的身体必须在健康状态、表现方式、甚至有时在年龄上相适应。

Next, you must share fundamental values. The way you go about doing things must be compatible with one another. That does not mean that you are exactly alike, but it does mean that you are not in glaring conflict with one another. As it has been said, opposites often attract. However, they rarely bond in the world of human relationships. People may have qualities that you do not possess and abilities that you have not cultivated, and these may be very compatible with yours. Here differences can be very beneficial. However, sharp contrasts rarely allow you to join with another person meaningfully or for any length of time.

接下来，你们必须共享基本的价值观。你们做事情的方式必须彼此兼容。这并不意味着你们完全相同，但它确实意味着你们之间没有明显的冲突。正如人们所说的那样，对立面往往会相互吸引。然而，在人际关系的世界里，他们很少结合。人们可能有你不具备的品质和你没有培养的能力，而这些可能与你的品质和能力非常匹配。在这里，差异可能是非常有益的。然而，鲜明的对比很少能让你与另一个人有意义地结合，或在任何时间内结合。

Compatibility is very important. Your values concerning self-expression, money, health, career and providership—even your world view—must be in alignment with another. Again, there may be differences, and these differences can be very helpful, but if there are sharp contrasts and these contrasts are based upon the nature and design of both you and the other person, this will limit your participation together. This can limit your ability to accomplish any task together.

兼容性是非常重要的。你在自我表达、金钱、健康、事业和供养方面的价值观，甚至你的世界观，都必须与另一个人一致。同样，可能会有差异，这些差异可能非常有帮助，但如果有尖锐的对比，而且这些对比是基于你和对方的性质和设计，这将限制你们的共同参与。这会限制你们共同完成任何任务的能力。

Therefore, do not think that shared spiritual interests are sufficient to establish a higher purpose in a relationship. Also, do not think that physical attractiveness or compatibility alone are sufficient to establish a real union with another. Do not think that shared values or behavior alone will be sufficient either. Remember, you have a spiritual, a mental and a physical nature. All three must be recognized. Because you are functioning at all three levels, a meaningful relationship will need to work at all three levels.

因此，不要认为有共同精神上的兴趣足以在一段关系中建立一个更高宗旨。另外，不要认为仅靠身体的吸引力或兼容性就足以与另一个人建立真正的结合。也不要认为仅有共同的价值观或行为就足够了。记住，你有精神上、心理上和物质上的天性。这三者都必须被承认。因为你是在这三个层面上运作的，一个有意义的关系将需要在这三个层面上运作。

You may think from this that it might be very hard to establish higher purpose in a primary relationship or that its possibility might be quite remote. This is actually true. In the course of your life, you will have very few meaningful primary relationships, and these will be very important in shaping your thoughts, your outer life and your spiritual inclinations. That is why such great importance is placed upon your primary relationships in terms of being either an asset or a liability to your progress. This is why a great deal of discernment must be used in establishing and maintaining relationships with others.

你可能会认为，在初级关系中建立更高的宗旨可能非常困难，或者其可能性可能相当遥远。这实际上是真的。在你的生命过程中，你会有非常少的有意义的初级关系，而这些关系在塑造你的思想、你的外在生活和你的精神倾向方面非常重要。这就是为什么如此重视你的主要关系，认为它对你的进步是一种资产或负债。这就是为什么在建立和维持与他人的关系时必须使用大量的辨别力。

This is the real meaning of wisdom. Wisdom is learning how to do things. Knowledge is knowing what must be done. Knowledge is the source and goal of all learning, and wisdom is the mechanism for its accomplishment. Do not be discouraged then that genuine primary relationships are rare. Yet it is important for you to know that they are not abundant. You cannot establish such a relationship with any person you want. The attempt to establish a primary relationship with anyone you want is the source of a great deal of waste and misappropriation of your time and energy. If someone is physically attractive to you and you feel very compatible with them on this basis, you may attempt to force your spiritual and mental nature into submission to this one need. Yet you will find out painfully, over the course of time and through many difficult situations, that this relationship cannot be established. This can use up a great deal of your life and can generate enormous misery, resentment and disappointment.

这就是智慧的真正含义。智慧是学习如何做事情。内识是知道必须做什么。内识是所有学习的来源和目标，而智慧是完成学习的机制。因此，不要为真正的初级关系很少而感到气馁。然而，重要的是你要知道，它们并不丰富。你不能与任何你想要的人建立这样的关系。试图与你想要的任何人建立初级关系是大量浪费和挪用你的时间和能量的根源。如果某人在身体上对你有吸引力，而且你在这个基础上觉得和他非常相配，你可能会试图强迫自己在精神上和心理上自然服从于这一需求。然而你会痛苦地发现，随着时间的推移，通过许多困难的情况，这种关系无法建立。这可能会耗尽你大量的生命，并可能产生巨大的痛苦、怨恨和失望。

Your decisions at the outset are most important. If you physically bond with another before you have established your relationship more fully, it will be very difficult to respond to Knowledge and to utilize discernment in a meaningful way. That is why it is strongly recommended that you not become sexually involved with another until you have established your relationship more completely. You need to see if you and the other person are going in the same direction in life before you become bonded physically because once you bond your physical bodies, it can be very hard to separate. Attachment will arise, and this will make it more difficult for you to objectively determine if a real relationship can actually be established with this person.

你在一开始的决定是最重要的。如果你在更充分地建立你们的关系之前就与另一个人身体结合，就很难对内识做出回应，并以有意义的方式善用辨别力。这就是为什么强烈建议你在建立更完整的关系之前不要与另一个人发生性关系。你需要看看你和对方在生命中是否有相同的方向，然后再进行身体上的结合，因为一旦你们的肉体结合，就很难分开。依恋会产生，这将使你更难客观地确定是否真的能与这个人建立真正的关系。

Physical attraction between two people who are considering marriage is important, but it is not essential. What is essential, on the physical level, is that they are of a similar age, that they have a similar degree of vitality and that they can actually carry forth activities in the world together.

两个正在考虑结婚的人之间的身体吸引是重要的，但它不是必要的。在身体层面上，至关重要的是他们的年龄相仿，他们的活力程度相近，他们能够真正一起在这个世界上开展活动。

The compatibility of your minds is more important than the compatibility of your bodies. Your spiritual compatibility is the most important of all. Remember, the body serves the mind and the mind serves the spirit in the true alignment of things. Here it takes wisdom to determine how important the body is in any engagement. The degree of its importance must be determined in different situations, depending upon the purpose of the relationship. Obviously, in a great friendship, physical attractiveness may not be important at all, but physical vitality is, for without physical vitality, you will not be able to do much together.

你们心灵的相容性比你们身体的相容性更重要。你们在精神上的相容性是最重要的。记住，在关系的真正排列中，身体为心灵服务，心灵为精神服务。这里需要智慧来确定身体在任何交往中的重要性。它的重要程度必须在不同情况下确定，取决于关系的目的。显然，在伟大的友谊中，身体的吸引力可能根本不重要，但身体的活力是重要的，因为没有身体的活力，你们将无法一起做很多事情。

It is important to make a distinction at this point. You yourself cannot establish your spiritual compatibility with another because that is established by God. That is established according to your design and according to your Spiritual Family. You may love a person’s mind, you may love a person’s body and you may feel that you can do wonderful things together, but if you are not going in the same direction spiritually, and if you are not in a similar stage of development, then your paths will diverge. Your sense of purpose, meaning and direction will be different from one another. You cannot control this. You can control much of your thinking and behavior because these you can change to some degree. However, your spiritual direction is set.

在这一点上，必须做出区分。你自己不能建立你与另一个人在精神上的相容性，因为那是由上帝建立的。那是根据你的设计和你的精神家庭而建立的。你可能爱一个人的心灵，你可能爱一个人的身体，你可能觉得你们可以一起做美妙的事情，但如果你们在精神上的方向不一样，如果你们的发展阶段不一样，那么你们的道路就会出现分歧。你们的目的感、意义和方向将彼此不同。你无法控制这一点。你可以控制你的许多思考和行为，因为这些你可以在某种程度上改变。然而，你在精神上的方向是既定的。

Most people are barely aware of their real spiritual direction, so what they think of as their ability to change their spiritual direction is only their ability to change their thinking about their spiritual direction. This is because in the spiritual realm, you have a destiny. In the mental realm, you have a process of growth and development. In the physical realm, you have a process of survival, growth and development. If you can see all these things working together in harmony, you will then see the criteria you need for establishing a primary relationship.

大多数人几乎不知道自己真正精神上的方向，所以他们认为自己有改变精神上方向的能力，然而他们只有改变自己对精神上方向思考的能力。这是因为在精神的领域之中，你有一个天命。在心理领域，你有一个成长和发展的过程。在物理领域，你有一个生存、成长和发展的过程。如果你能看到所有这些领域和谐地一起工作，你就会看到你建立主要关系所需的标准。

Even if your spiritual bond exists already, your thinking and your physical abilities must be compatible. Otherwise, you will experience recognition with another but not a relationship. True recognition means that you may recognize someone as being bonded to you, but without a relationship, you cannot do anything together. Relationship in this world is about what you can do together. Ultimately, it is about contribution and service.

即使你在精神上的纽带已经存在，你的思维和你的身体能力也必须兼容。否则，你将经历到对另一个人的认可，但不是一种关系。真实的认可意味着你可能承认某人与你有联系，但如果没有关系，你们就不能一起做任何事。在这个世界上，关系是关于你们能一起做什么。归根结底，它是关于贡献和服务。

When you are considering a primary relationship with another, see if your spiritual nature and purpose together are established already. This you cannot change, for you are either bonded or you are not. If you are not bonded, it means that your puzzle piece and their puzzle piece cannot fit together. If your pieces do fit together, then you must see if you are mentally and physically compatible enough with each other to be in a relationship.

当你考虑与另一个人建立主要关系时，看看你们在精神上和共同的目的上是否已经确立。这一点你无法改变，因为你们要么已经结合，要么没有。如果你们没有结合，这意味着你的拼图和他们的拼图不能结合在一起。如果你们的拼图碎片确实适合在一起，那么你必须看看你们在心理上和身体上是否足够兼容，从而建立起一种关系。

A real relationship is not fully intact at the beginning. It is something that you establish stage by stage. A marriage takes many years to mature. A great friendship takes many years to cultivate. An important association in your career takes many years and experiences to become deep and meaningful. Trust must be earned. Events in life will shape your character. They will shape you mentally and physically. You must go through these experiences with others in order for you to build character.

真正的关系不是一开始就完全完整的。它是你一个阶段一个阶段地建立起来的关系。一段婚姻需要许多年才能成熟。一段伟大的友谊需要多年的培养。在你的职业生涯中，一个重要的协会需要很多年的时间和经历才能变得深刻和有意义。信任必须被赢得。生活中的事件将塑造你的品格。它们将在心理上和身体上塑造你。你必须与他人一起经历这些经历，以使你建立品格。

Here it is important to understand that there are no great individuals; there are only great relationships. A great relationship means that those involved have been able to transcend, to a certain degree, the littleness of their personal preferences in order to meet the true requirements of their lives. This means that the relationship reflects their Knowledge beyond their preferences and their certainty beyond their desires.

在这里，重要的是要明白，没有伟大的个人；只有伟大的关系。一个伟大的关系意味着参与其中的人已经能够在一定程度上超越他们个人喜好的渺小，以满足他们生命的真实要求。这意味着这种关系反映了他们的内识超越了他们的喜好，他们的确定性超越了他们的欲望。

However, all these things must be seen correctly to be properly understood. People often confuse their preferences with their deeper needs. People will say, “Oh, I’m doing this because of Knowledge,” but they are really doing it because of their preferences in the matter.

然而，所有这些关系都必须正确看待才能正确理解。人们经常混淆他们的喜好和他们更深层面的需求。人们会说：”哦，我这样做是因为内识，”但他们真正这样做是因为他们对这件事的偏好。

How can you tell the difference? You can tell the difference when you have experienced both your deeper needs and your preferences. The experience of Knowledge is completely different from the experience of personal preference. It is constant. It is overpowering. It is complete. It is harmonious. It is completely certain, and it is without ambivalence. In contrast, personal preference is weak and wavering. It comes and it goes. It is beset by guilt, doubt, frustration and conflict. You may feel ambivalent, conflicted or doubtful about something you know, and you often will. But the experience of Knowledge is a thousand times more powerful than the experience of personal preference. It does not change.

你怎么能分辨出其中的差别呢？当你经历过你更深层面的需求和你的偏好时，你就能分辨出区别。内识的经历与个人偏好的经历完全不同。它是恒定的。它是压倒性的。它是完整的。它是和谐的。它是完全确定的，而且是没有矛盾的。相比之下，个人偏好是软弱和动摇的。它来了又去。它被内疚、怀疑、沮丧和冲突所困扰。你可能会对你所知道的内识感到矛盾、冲突或怀疑，而且你经常会这样。但是，内识的经历比个人偏好的经历要强大一千倍。它不会改变。

This is true even with the experience of addiction. Addiction is when personal preference takes the place of Knowledge in a person’s life and becomes a dominating factor. Without God, there is only addiction, for without God there are no real relationships. And what is addiction but a substitute for meaningful relationships? The only thing that can heal addiction is meaningful relationships because addiction is a substitute for meaningful relationships. That is why Knowledge is the only cure for addiction, because Knowledge is the very essence of relationship. It establishes the purpose, meaning and direction of all your meaningful relationships.

即使是上瘾的经历也是如此。上瘾是指在一个人的生活中，个人偏好取代了内识，成为一个主导因素。没有上帝，就只有成瘾，因为没有上帝就没有真正的关系。而成瘾除了是有意义的关系的替代品，还能是什么呢？唯一能治愈成瘾的是有意义的关系，因为成瘾是有意义关系的替代品。这就是为什么内识是治疗成瘾的唯一方法，因为内识是关系的实质。它确立了你所有有意义关系的目的、意义和方向。

Spiritual, mental and physical compatibility must be sufficient in order for a primary relationship to be successfully established. The more you know about yourself spiritually, mentally and physically, the more your criteria will be established. The more you learn to value Knowledge within yourself, the more you will be committed to meeting these criteria and will not overlook them or deny them in order to have a preferred relationship with anyone.

精神上、心理上和身体上的相容性必须足够，才能成功建立起初级关系。你在精神上、心理上和身体上对自己了解得越多，你的标准就越能确立。你越是学会重视自己内心的内识，你就会越是致力于满足这些标准，不会为了与任何人建立首选关系而忽视它们或否认它们。

What are the essential elements of compatibility?
兼容性的基本要素是什么？

The elements of compatibility have already been stated, but it is important to define this a little further. Spiritually, you must be going in the same direction. How do you know if you are going in the same direction? Your inner sense of orientation in life, your sense of destiny and what you consider to be most valuable all emanate from the spiritual realm. They are experienced mentally and physically, but they emanate from Knowledge if they are genuine. If you are attuned to another person and are looking at the other person objectively, allowing yourself to be observant of their thinking and behavior, you will be able to discern your spiritual compatibility or the lack of it.

兼容性的要素已经说过了，但重要的是要进一步定义。在精神上，你们必须朝着同一个方向前进。你怎么知道你们是否在同一方向上？你内在的生命方向感，你的天命感和你认为最有价值的关系都来自精神上的领域。它们在心理上和身体上都有经历，但如果它们是真实的，就会从内识中散发出来。如果你与另一个人相适应，并客观地看待对方，让自己观察他们的思维和行为，你就能分辨出你们的精神契合度或缺乏契合度。

People who feel a spiritual bond and compatibility often neglect such mundane things as money, physical appearance, providership, career or all these things. As a result, their experience of relationship and their experience of love will be limited and short lived. Love is the cause, but your experience of love will be the result of your compatibility in relationship.

感受到精神上的纽带和相容性的人往往会忽视诸如金钱、外貌、供养、事业或所有这些世俗的工作。因此，他们对关系的经历和对爱的经历将是有限和短暂的。爱是原因，但你对爱的经历将是你在关系中兼容的结果。

For a primary relationship to be complete, it must express itself through your physical, mental and spiritual life. Now, at the outset, the complete understanding of these three aspects in relation to another person cannot be recognized, and many things will have to be demonstrated through time and through experience. But at the outset, a certain degree of compatibility in these three arenas must be recognized. Does this require a great deal of evaluation on your part? No. It only requires restraint, patience, looking objectively and allowing your Knowledge to guide you.

为了使初级关系完整，它必须通过你的身体、心理和精神上的生活来表达。现在，在一开始，对这三个方面与另一个人的关系的完整理解是无法认识的，许多事情必须通过时间和经历来证明。但在一开始，必须认识到在这三个领域有一定程度的兼容性。这是否需要你进行大量的评估？不，它只需要克制、耐心、客观地看待，并让你的内识来指导你。

Your Knowledge does not deliberate; it does not compare. It does not say, “Well, I like this person more than that person.” It does not judge people. It simply says “yes” or “no”, or it says nothing at all. How simple then is that which is profoundly wise. Knowledge is the great decision maker, and it makes decisions without condemnation and judgment. It says “yes” and “no”, instead of right and wrong. Right and wrong are what you say in response to “yes” and “no”. Some things are right and some things are wrong for you. Ultimately, everyone knows what is right and wrong because everyone knows the difference between love and attack. That is not to say they realize what they know, express what they know, comprehend what they know or demonstrate what they know. Yet it is known already.

你的内识不会斟酌；它不会比较。它不会说，”嗯，我喜欢这个人多于那个人”。它不评判人。它只是说”是”或”不是”，或者根本不说。那么，深具智慧的内识是多么简单。内识是伟大的决策者，它做出的决定没有谴责和判断。它说”是”和”不是”，而不是说对和错。对和错是你对”是”和”不是”的回应。有些关系是对的，有些关系对你来说是错的。归根结底，每个人都知道什么是正确和错误，因为每个人都知道爱和攻击之间的区别。这并不是说他们意识到他们所知道的，表达他们所知道的，理解他们所知道的或展示他们所知道的。然而，这已经是众所周知的了。

At the outset, certain things in a relationship must be recognized. You will know if you look and if you are open to seeing the truth. Here you must not confuse knowing with desire. Knowing is calm and clear. Desire is wanting and needing. It is very hard to see clearly in a state of desire because desire dominates and rules you. It is like having a fever. Whenever you experience this regarding anyone or anything, be very careful, step back. This is a time to wait and to become objective.

在一开始，关系中的某些真理必须被认识到。如果你看一看，如果你愿意看到真理，你就会知道。在这里，你不能把知道和欲望混淆起来。知道是平静和清晰的。欲望是想要的和需要的。在欲望的状态下很难看清楚，因为欲望主宰并支配着你。这就像发烧一样。每当你对任何人或事有这种经历时，要非常小心，退后一步。这是一个等待和变得客观的时间。

Relationship is meant to accomplish something in the world. It is a very practical expression of an inner need and an inner bond. Because it has a practical expression, it must be approached with a practical emphasis. Thus, in considering marriage with another, do not say, “I love you. I cannot live without you. You are my everything.” Instead, look and say, “I feel great love for you. What can we do together? Are we going the same direction together? Can we live together for the rest of our lives? Can we work well together? Can we deal with suffering and disappointment together?”

关系是为了在这个世界上完成一些事情。它是内在需求和内在联系的一种非常实际的表达。因为它有一个实际的表达，所以必须以实际的重点来对待它。因此，在考虑与他人结婚时，不要说：”我爱你。没有你我不能活。你是我的一切”。相反，要看一看并说：”我对你感到很爱。我们能一起做什么？我们一起走在同一个方向上吗？我们能在余生中一起生活吗？我们能一起好好工作吗？我们能一起处理痛苦和失望吗？”

If you learn about the other person’s life, you will see what he or she has done in the past. Do not think that this person will do things differently with you. Perhaps he or she will improve or function more efficiently and more lovingly. Yet if you learn about the person, that will tell you what you need to know. That is why, in approaching marriage, always approach slowly and carefully, and allow Knowledge to direct you. Do not be driven by what you want, or you will be blind to your real needs, to the needs of the other person and to the reality of your being together.

如果你了解对方的生活，你会看到他或她在过去做了什么。不要认为这个人和你在一起会做不同的事情。也许他或她会改善或更有效、更有爱心地发挥作用。然而，如果你了解了这个人，这将告诉你，你需要知道的事情。这就是为什么在接近婚姻时，总是慢慢地、小心地接近，让内识来引导你。不要被你想要的关系所驱使，否则你会对你的真正需求、对方的需求和你们在一起的现实视而不见。

In a real marriage, you will not be spending most of your time staring into each other’s eyes and enjoying the experience of recognition. Most of your time will be spent doing things together—very mundane things, such as dealing with survival, career and providership, intimacy, health, money, possessions, children and taking care of others—a lot of running around. Most of it will not seem very spiritual.

在真正的婚姻中，你们不会把大部分时间花在盯着对方的眼睛和享受认可的经历之上。你们的大部分时间将用于一起做事——非常平凡的事情，如处理生存、事业和供养、亲密关系、健康、金钱、财产、孩子和照顾他人——大量的奔波。它的大部分看起来都不是很精神。

If you are a little older and a little wiser, you may know enough not to rush into a relationship. Emotional pain from the past is there, holding you back. As a result, you wait and watch because you do not want to repeat the same mistakes. You do not want to go frolicking down a blind alley in hope that everything will work out because you love each other so much.

如果你稍微年长一点，稍微明智一点，你可能知道不要急于进入一段关系。过去的情感痛苦就在那里，让你退缩。结果，你等待和观察，因为你不想重复同样的错误。你不想在一条盲道上嬉戏，希望一切都会好起来，因为你是如此爱对方。

What about love in relationship?
关系中的爱是什么？

Love is the result of compatibility being demonstrated in a relationship. Recognition demonstrates love on the spiritual level, but relationship demonstrates love on the mental and the physical levels. Love is the result of compatibility. The depth of your love will be the depth of your shared expression in the world. You can love someone intensely at the outset, but this is not yet real love. It is not yet a love that can withstand the rigors of life. It may be very intense, but it is momentary. Great love is established through participation together. Participation together is accomplished through compatibility and shared purpose. You may be personally compatible, but if purpose, motivation and courage are not there, then the relationship cannot be brought into full expression and your experience of love will be incomplete. Here you love someone because of what you can do, share and express together. That is why you love someone.

爱是兼容性在关系中表现出来的结果。认同在精神的层面上展示了爱，但关系在心理层面和物理层面展示了爱。爱是兼容性的结果。你们爱的深度将是你们在这个世界上共同表达的深度。你可以在一开始就强烈地爱一个人，但这还不是真正的爱。它还不是一种能经受住生活考验的爱。它可能非常强烈，但它是短暂的。伟大的爱是通过共同参与建立的。共同参与是通过兼容性和共同的目的来完成的。你们个人可能是相容的，但如果目的、动机和勇气不在那里，那么这种关系就不能得到充分的表达，你们爱的经历就不会完整。在这里，你爱一个人是因为你们能一起做什么，分享什么，表达什么。这就是你爱一个人的原因。

Therefore, do not base a primary relationship upon love. Base it upon what you can share, what you can express and what you can do together. Many people think you should get married because you are intensely in love with someone. Being intensely in love may demonstrate a recognition, but not a relationship. Your relationship has yet to be established. It has yet to be demonstrated, expressed and proven. With recognition, you are not yet in relationship. It is by going through things together that you learn if you have the compatibility, the motivation and the commitment to be in a genuine relationship.

因此，不要把主要关系建立在爱的基础之上。要把它建立在你们可以分享的目的，你们可以表达的目的和你们可以一起做的事情之上。许多人认为你应该结婚，因为你强烈地爱着某人。强烈的爱可能表明一种认可，但不是一种关系。你们的关系还没有建立起来。它还没有被展示、表达和证明。有了认可，你们还没有建立关系。通过一起经历一些事情，你才能了解到你们是否有相容性，是否有动力和承诺来建立真正的关系。

Therefore, do not base your relationship on love. Love ignites the flame, but what feeds the flame is your ability to share, express and demonstrate a real purpose in the world. Relationship is not built on a spark; it is kept alive through the fire of love. Love is the result here. This is very important to understand.

因此，不要把你们的关系建立在爱情之上。爱情点燃火焰，但滋养火焰的是你分享、表达和展示世界上真正目的的能力。关系不是建立在火花之上；它是通过爱的火焰保持活力。爱是这里的结果。这一点的理解非常重要。

You may say that shared expression, giving and purpose are all the result of love. You may say that shared contribution in the world is the result of great love. But looking at it like that could only be valid if the love was associated with God alone. Without this, your statement demonstrates a confusion in levels and therefore would leave you very vulnerable to making serious errors in judgment and evaluation in your relationships. This is why it is important to place love as the result and not the cause of your relationship. God as love is the cause of your relationship. Yet your experience of love will be the result of your participation together.

你可以说，共同表达、给予和目的都是爱的结果。你可能会说，在这个世界上的共同贡献是大爱的结果。但这样看，只有当爱只与上帝相关时，才可能是有效的。如果没有这一点，你的说法就显示出层次的混乱，因此会让你非常容易在你的关系中做出严重的判断和评价错误。这就是为什么把爱作为你们关系的结果而不是原因是重要的。作为爱的上帝是你们关系的原因。然而你们对爱的经历将是你们一起参与的结果。

It is very common that love is thought to be the most important reason for being with someone. You are in love with someone and then you assume that you must be mates and you must have a great relationship and this must be the ultimate experience. Yet to anyone who has acquired real maturity, this will only be seen as a great stimulation, a recognition. The possibility for true relationship has not yet been established.

很常见的是，爱被认为是与某人在一起的最重要原因。你爱上了某人，然后你就认为你们一定是伴侣，你们一定有很好的关系，这一定是终极经历。然而对任何已经获得真正成熟的人来说，这只会被视为一种巨大的刺激，一种认可。真正关系的可能性还没有建立起来。

Many people are addicted to the experience of being in love. It is an experience based upon recognition. Therefore, they keep looking for the recognition, thinking that the recognition is the relationship. Recognition is not relationship. Many people who have this problem, and most people do have it to some degree, are repeatedly disappointed because the relationship that is the result of recognition only disappoints them. It does not have the compatibility and the alignment of purpose that are being spoken of here. Do not be addicted to recognition, for you could experience this same recognition in your daily meditation, and this recognition would initiate you into Knowledge instead of leading you into a divisive and hopeless relationship with another.

许多人沉迷于恋爱的经历。它是一种基于认可的经历。因此，他们一直在寻找认可，认为认可就是关系。认可并不是关系。许多有这个问题的人，而且大多数人在某种程度上都有这个问题，一再感到失望，因为认可的结果是关系只会让他们失望。它没有这里所说的兼容性和目的的一致性。不要沉迷于认可，因为你可以在日常的冥想中经历到这种同样的认可，这种认可会使你启动内识，而不是把你带入与他人的分裂和无望的关系之中。

The real question in relationships is, “What can we do together?” The more you learn about yourself—about your thinking and your behavior—and the more objective you become about yourself, the more objective you can become about the other person and the clearer your discernment will be. This clarity of discernment is very important because people are not what they seem. In almost all cases, people misrepresent themselves unless they are well developed and quite mature. Knowledge is your guide here, so you do not need to tax your mind in deliberation. But you do need to look, to listen and to learn.

关系中真正的问题是：”我们能一起做什么？”你对自己了解得越多——关于你的思维和行为——你对自己变得越客观，你就能对另一个人变得越客观，你的辨别力就越清晰。这种清晰的辨别力是非常重要的，因为人们并不像他们看起来那样。几乎在所有的情况下，人们都会歪曲自己，除非他们发育良好，相当成熟。在这里，内识是你的指南，所以你不需要对你的心灵进行深思熟虑。但你确实需要观察、倾听和学习。

The intoxication of being in love may be the spark for the beginning of a meaningful relationship, or it may be a brief and extravagant experience. Proceed slowly and cautiously here. Do not become sexually engaged because of this experience. That should come later if it is appropriate. Remember, once you become sexually engaged, you bond physically and emotionally to a certain extent with the other person. Even if you think that a sexual engagement is casual, it still makes it much more difficult for you to assess your engagement meaningfully. Here you must care enough about the other person, and you must care enough about yourself. You must care enough about your spiritual development and their spiritual development, which will be either helped or hindered by this relationship.

恋爱中的陶醉可能是一段有意义的关系开始的火花，也可能是短暂而奢侈的经历。在这里要慢慢地、谨慎地进行。不要因为这次经历而发生性关系。如果合适的话，这应该在以后进行。记住，一旦你有了性关系，你就会在一定程度上与对方在身体上和情感上结合起来。即使你认为性交往是随意的，它仍然会使你更难有意义地评估你的交往。在这里，你必须足够关心对方，你也必须足够关心你自己。你必须足够关心你精神上的发展和他们精神上的发展，它将被这种关系帮助或阻碍。

The highest quality of love is to serve another’s spiritual emergence even if it means that you cannot be with that person. Even if it means that your relationship does not turn out the way you might have preferred at the outset, this must be an abiding emphasis. And it will be the emphasis if you value your life and their life, if you value your spiritual advancement and their spiritual advancement and if you value your well-being in a relationship. After awhile, you do not want to waste any more years of your life being in relationships that have no promise and that cannot go anywhere.

爱的最高品质是为另一个人精神上的崛起而服务的，即使这意味着你不能和那个人在一起。即使这意味着你们的关系没有变成你一开始所希望的那样，这也必须成为一个持久的重点。如果你重视你的生命和他们的生命，如果你重视你在精神上的进步和他们在精神上的进步，如果你重视你在一段关系中的幸福，这将是一个重点。一段时间后，你不想再浪费你生命中的任何岁月在没有承诺和不能发展的关系之中。

It is necessary to experience a certain amount of disappointment in relationship in order to learn about these things. Yet too much disappointment can discourage you and disable you. Human beings are only capable of overcoming a certain amount of discouragement. If you take too many wrong turns and make too many wrong decisions, your ability to overcome your obstacles and to choose a new course will diminish over time.

为了了解这些事情，在关系中经历一定程度的失望是必要的。然而，过多的失望会使你气馁，使你丧失能力。人类只有在一定程度上能够克服挫折。如果你走了太多的错路，做了太多的错误决定，你克服障碍和选择新路线的能力会随着时间的推移而减弱。

People might want to think that they are fully capable of changing their lives at any juncture. But this is not true. That is why what you do now is so very important. Do not assume that if you do not follow the truth now that you can follow it later. Do not make this assumption. This is a very costly assumption. That is why you must deal with relationships in a very sober way, in a very practical way and in a very honest way.

人们可能想认为他们完全有能力在任何时刻改变自己的生活。但这是不正确的。这就是为什么你现在所做的事情是非常重要的。不要假设如果你现在不遵循真理，你以后就能遵循它。不要做这种假设。这是一个代价很高的假设。这就是为什么你必须以非常清醒的方式、非常实际的方式和非常诚实的方式来处理关系。

The glory of momentary recognition can in no way compare to the value of a meaningful relationship. What makes a relationship meaningful is participation together through time. This is where you learn together, grow together, refine yourselves together and extend yourselves out into the world together. You cannot do this if the elements of compatibility are not there. If the elements of compatibility are not there, then your individual designs are not compatible, and your involvement in life will be limited regardless of the intensity of your affection.

一时的认可所带来的荣耀绝不能与有意义的关系的价值相比。使关系有意义的是通过时间一起参与。这是你们一起学习、一起成长、一起完善自己并一起将自己扩展到世界的地方。如果不存在兼容的因素，你们就无法做到这一点。如果兼容性元素不存在，那么你们的个人设计就不兼容，无论你们的感情有多强烈，你们对生命的参与将是有限的。

This is why at the outset it is necessary to learn discernment. Why spend five years finding out that you really cannot be married to this person when you could have found out in five days or, as your discernment becomes more refined, in five minutes? Many people say after five years, if they have discovered that their relationship cannot proceed and cannot grow, “I knew this at the beginning, but I would not listen to what I knew.” They could see these elements in the other person, and they could see their incompatibilities, but they did not want to look because they wanted to be with that person. They wanted the experience of being together. They wanted to escape loneliness and isolation. Yet it is far better to be alone than to be improperly engaged with another. Improper engagement, if it is maintained, will destroy your motivation and your life force. This is very true.

这就是为什么一开始就有必要学习辨别的能力。为什么要花五年时间发现你真的不能和这个人结婚，而你可以在五天内发现，或者随着你的辨别力变得更加精细，在五分钟内发现？许多人在五年后说，如果他们发现他们的关系不能继续，不能发展，”我一开始就知道，但我不会听从我所知道的”。他们可以在对方身上看到这些因素，他们可以看到他们的不相容性，但他们不想看，因为他们想和那个人在一起。他们想获得在一起的经历。他们想摆脱孤独和寂寞。然而，孤独远比不适当地与他人交往要好得多。不适当的交往，如果保持下去，将破坏你的动机和你的生命力。这是非常正确的。

What about sex?
关于性是什么？

Sexuality is a difficult subject for many people to deal with objectively because they have so much of their sense of identity, their self-expression and their sense of self-worth associated with it. Sexuality is important, but it is not the source of your worth, your identity or your self-expression. Nor is sexuality in any way the most important avenue for the expression of these things. Sexuality is something which must be properly comprehended and managed wisely. Your household must be managed; otherwise, everything turns to chaos. Your sexuality must be managed or it too turns to chaos. If your sexuality is not properly managed, it can dominate your mind and obliterate your ability to comprehend your spiritual life. This will keep you in darkness.

对许多人来说，性是一个很难客观处理的话题，因为他们的身份感、自我表达和自我价值感与之有很大关系。性是重要的，但它不是你的价值、你的身份或你的自我表达的来源。性行为也绝不是表达这些来源的最重要途径。性行为是必须正确理解和明智管理的行为。你的家庭必须被管理；否则，一切都会变成混乱。你的性行为必须被管理，否则也会变成混乱。如果你的性行为没有得到适当的管理，它就会支配你的心灵，抹杀你理解精神上生活的能力。这将使你处于黑暗之中。

Sexuality, like money and power, has been associated with many terrible things. Some people have assigned it as a cause for human downfall. Yet sexuality is simply an aspect of life that must be properly managed. Money is an aspect of life that must be properly managed. Power is an aspect of life that must be properly managed. If sexuality is neglected or mismanaged, it will create problems. It is the same with money. They are both powerful, they are both influential and they are both aspects of life. You must manage them according to what you are designed to do. The ascetic sitting in the monastery must manage his or her sexuality so that they can participate in the monastery. Their management of sexuality is different from that of a householder or a worldly person. But the worldly person must also manage their sexuality if they wish for it to serve a greater purpose. In no way can sexuality be your greater purpose. If you believe that it is, you are severely neglecting your mind and your true purpose for being in the world. When that happens, sexuality takes the place of Knowledge and becomes an addiction.

性，像金钱和力量一样，与许多可怕的事情相关。有些人把它作为人类堕落的原因。然而，性行为只是生活的一个方面，必须得到适当的管理。金钱是生活的一个方面，必须得到适当的管理。力量是生活的一个方面，必须得到适当的管理。如果性行为被忽视或管理不善，它就会产生问题。这与金钱是一样的。它们都很强大，都有影响力，都是生命的各个方面。你必须根据你的设计来管理它们。坐在寺院里的苦行者必须管理他或她的性行为，这样他们才能参与到寺院里。他们对性的管理与家主或世俗的人不同。但世俗的人也必须管理他们的性行为，如果他们希望它能为更伟大的目的服务。在任何情况下，性行为都不能成为你的更伟大的目的。如果你相信它是，你就严重忽视了你的心灵和你在这个世界上的真正目的。当这种情况发生时，性行为就取代了内识的位置，成为一种瘾。

How important is sexuality in establishing a primary relationship?
性行为在建立初级关系中的重要性如何？

Sexuality is only moderately important because it is something that changes. Whether or not you feel good with another person sexually is something you may be able to change through behavior. It is something you can change by opening your heart. But sexuality can also reveal an incompatibility of spirit and an incompatibility of values. In this, it can teach you a great deal. But you can learn about these incompatibilities without becoming sexually engaged. As it has been indicated, it is wise not to become sexually engaged with another until you have learned more about yourself and the other person. It is rushing ahead in sexuality that leads you astray. If you are to be together in marriage, you will experience sexuality together. However, first you must find out if you can be together.

性行为只有适度的重要性，因为它是会改变的。与他人发生性关系时，你是否感觉良好，或许可以通过行为来改变。这是你可以通过敞开心扉来改变的。但是，性行为也可以揭示精神的不相容和价值观的不相容。在这一点上，它可以教会你许多事情。但你可以在不发生性关系的情况下了解这些不相容性。正如已经指出的那样，在你对自己和对方有更多了解之前，不与对方发生性关系是明智的。在性行为方面急于求成才会使你误入歧途。如果你们要在婚姻中共同生活，你们将一起经历性行为。然而，首先你们必须弄清楚你们是否能在一起。

Do not have sexual engagement for awhile. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by waiting. Do not have sexual engagement right away. Learn about each other. Learn about each other’s values and behavior. Learn about each other’s blind spots and predispositions. For it is these that you will be living with day to day.

暂时不要有性的约定。你们没有什么损失，等待就能得到一切。不要马上就有性关系。了解对方的情况。了解对方的价值观和行为。了解对方的盲点和倾向性。因为正是这些，你们将日复一日地生活在一起。

To become engaged in relationship because the sexuality is exciting is like buying a house because you like the garden. You are not going to live in the garden; you are going to live in the house. The garden is not that important. In relationship, sexuality is like the garden, something you enjoy that is meaningful and that can show you a greater compatibility. Yet sexuality is not the essence of your being together. Over time you will lose interest in each other sexually to a certain degree. At least, it will change sufficiently and will perhaps not have the thrill or excitement that it had at the outset. After being together twenty years you will have sexual engagement because you want to share something of a deeper nature. Sexuality now is not simply for excitement and stimulation; it is a vehicle to share something greater.

因为性行为令人兴奋而参与到关系中来，就像因为喜欢花园而买房子。你不会住在花园里；你会住在房子里。花园并不那么重要。在关系中，性行为就像花园一样，是你喜欢的爱好，是有意义的，可以向你展示更大的兼容性。然而，性行为并不是你们在一起的实质。随着时间的推移，你们会在一定程度上对对方的性生活失去兴趣。至少，它将充分改变，也许不会再有一开始的刺激或兴奋。在一起二十年后，你们会有性交往，因为你们想分享更深层面的内识。现在的性行为不只是为了兴奋和刺激；它是分享更伟大目的的载体。

In truth, the purpose of sexuality is twofold: it is to experience union with another and to regenerate the race. It is a vehicle to express something spiritual on the mental and physical levels, and it is the means for producing children. There is no other reason to have sex. Sex for any other reason is potentially very dangerous for your well-being. Of course, people have many other reasons for engaging sexually with one another: they want to lose themselves in momentary stimulation, they want to demonstrate dominance over others, they want to prove to themselves that they are attractive or they want to use sexuality to gain acquisition to positions of power. Here sex is being used as a form of manipulation. Anyone who uses sexuality for any of these purposes will be the great loser because they do not understand the power of sexuality, and they will not experience its real benefits.

事实上，性行为的目的是双重的：它是为了经历与另一个人的结合，并使种族再生。它是在心理层面和身体层面上表达精神层面上的工具，也是产生孩子的方式。发生性行为没有其他原因。出于任何其他原因的性行为对你的健康都有潜在的危险。当然，人们有许多其他的理由与对方发生性关系：他们想在瞬间的刺激中迷失自我，他们想显示对他人的支配地位，他们想向自己证明他们是有吸引力的，或者他们想利用性行为来获得权力地位。在这里，性被作为一种操纵的形式。任何将性行为用于这些目的的人都将是巨大的失败者，因为他们不理解性行为的力量，他们也不会经历到性行为的真正益处。

Sexuality is only appropriate in certain primary relationships, but not all primary relationships. Monogamy here is quite essential. Because of your design, you can only mate successfully with one other in present time. Attempt to mate with more than one and there will be great problems. People will be distressed, intimacy will be destroyed and alignment of activity with others will be distorted and even destroyed. You have only to look about you to see the absolute truth of this.

性行为只适合在某些初级的关系之中，但不是所有的初级关系。这里的一夫一妻制是相当必要的。由于你的设计，你在目前只能与另一个人成功交配。试图与一个以上的人交配，会有很大的问题。人们会感到痛苦，亲密关系会被破坏，与他人活动的一致性会被扭曲甚至破坏。你只需看看你的周围，就会发现这一点的绝对真理。

What is important about sexuality is what it can reveal: greater compatibility, emotional vulnerability and the experience of intimacy and affinity. These can be experiences of real recognition. Recognition is the starting point to any meaningful relationship. And it is something you can experience more deeply as you go along. But recognition itself is not relationship. Clearly, you can experience wonderful moments of recognition with someone with whom you can do very little. Attempting a relationship here would be a disaster. This relationship would not be able to fulfill itself. The reasons for this lack of fulfillment in most cases can be seen at the outset, and that is why discernment is so important here.

关于性行为的重要意义在于它可以揭示：更强的兼容性、情感的脆弱性以及亲密和亲和的体验。这些可以是真正认可的经历。认可是任何有意义的关系的起点。而且它是你可以随着你的发展而更深入经历的关系。但认可本身并不是关系。很明显，你可以和一个你们不能在一起做什么的人一起经历美妙的认可时刻。试图在这里建立关系将是一场灾难。这种关系将无法实现自己。在大多数情况下，这种缺乏满足感的原因在一开始就可以看到，这就是为什么辨别力在这里如此重要。

Sexuality is very important. It is something sacred to preserve. It is where life force is exchanged in the physical world. It is an expression of vulnerability and intimacy. Do not take it lightly. Do not engage in it casually. Do not use it for personal gratification.

性是非常重要的。它是神圣的，需要保护。它是在物理世界中交换生命力的地方。它是脆弱性和亲密关系的表达。不要对它掉以轻心。不要随便参与它。不要用它来满足个人。

When you engage in sexuality with another, you are engaging your physical life force. If this life force is not shared within a meaningful relationship, it will be wasted. If it is wasted, you will lose energy and vitality. Physically, you will experience a loss of power, vitality and health. Mentally, you will experience discouragement, depression, a loss of vision and your sense of direction and a loss of your sense of purpose and meaning.

当你与他人发生性关系时，你正在使用你身体的生命力。如果这种生命力没有在一个有意义的关系中分享，它将被浪费掉。如果它被浪费了，你将失去能量和活力。在身体上，你将经历力量、活力和健康的丧失。在心理上，你将经历灰心、抑郁、失去视野和方向感，以及失去你的目的和意义感。

If you continue to engage sexually in a relationship where true purpose and meaning cannot be generated and supported, you will literally be killing yourself slowly—mentally and emotionally. You will dissipate your life force. Your emotions will become confused, and you will lose the awareness of Knowledge within yourself.

如果你继续在一个不能产生和支持真正的目的和意义的关系中进行性行为，你将在字面上慢慢地杀死自己——心理上和情感上。你会耗尽你的生命力。你的情绪会变得混乱，你会失去对自己内心的内识的觉知。

Here you will notice that people who use sexuality for pleasure only or as an addiction have very little clarity of mind and tend to suffer and lose their sense of priority and perspective concerning their relationships. Sexuality here begins to dominate them and affect everything that they think, everything that they express and everything that they do.

在这里你会注意到，那些只为享乐而使用性行为或作为一种瘾君子的人，头脑非常不清晰，往往会遭受痛苦，失去对他们关系的优先感和观点。性在这里开始主宰他们，影响他们的一切想法、一切表达和一切行为。

Sexuality is a major form of addiction in the world, particularly in societies where access to sex comes with few limits or restraints. Because sexuality has been a source of so many problems, people with a spiritual emphasis often attempt to escape it altogether. This, however, is rarely successful unless you are designed to be an ascetic or celibate, which is not true for most people. You must face your sexuality and learn to manage it wisely. You cannot run away from it, and you cannot pretend that it does not matter. It is a fact of life. It is either a source of growth and meaning or a source of self-destruction. Either way, sex must be regarded as a very serious engagement.

性是世界上的一种主要的成瘾形式，特别是在那些获得性的机会几乎没有限制或约束的社会。由于性行为一直是许多问题的根源，强调精神的人常常试图完全逃避它。然而，这很少成功，除非你被设计成禁欲主义者或独身主义者，而这对大多数人来说并不真实。你必须面对你的性行为，学会明智地管理它。你不能逃避它，你也不能假装它不重要。它是生命的一个事实。它要么是成长和意义的来源，要么是自我毁灭的来源。无论哪种方式，性都必须被视为一种非常严肃的参与。

You may share thoughts with another, and this will have an impact on your well-being, but to share life force is to share your essence beyond thought. This is very important to understand. Proper engagement here will strengthen the experience of intimacy, regenerate your relationship through recognition and bond you closer together. Yet if your sexuality is misappropriated, it will have the opposite effect, and you will pay very greatly for it. Here it is better to be alone and to preserve your life force than to throw your life force away and lose your sense of purpose, meaning and direction.

你可以与另一个人分享你的感想，这将对你的福祉产生影响，但分享生命力是分享你的实质，在你的感想之外。这一点的理解非常重要。在这里，适当的参与将加强亲密关系的经历，通过认可再生你们的关系，并使你们更紧密地结合在一起。然而，如果你的性能力被盗用，就会产生相反的效果，你将为之付出非常大的代价。在这里，与其把你的生命力扔掉，失去你的目的、意义和方向感，还不如独处，保存你的生命力。

How many people who were otherwise successful have failed because of their sexual misappropriation? The same is true with money. How many people have failed because of their misappropriation of money? In both cases, money and sexuality failed to be what they were meant to be. They are each areas of responsibility. They are each arenas in which power is expressed. Money can either be a wonderful thing or a terrible thing. The same holds true for sexuality. Sexuality is a fact of life, but it has to be managed according to your purpose.

有多少本来很成功的人因为性侵而失败？在金钱方面也是如此。有多少人因为挪用金钱而失败？在这两种情况下，金钱和性行为都没能成为它们本来的样子。它们都是责任的领域。它们都是表达力量的舞台。金钱可以是一件美好的事情，也可以是一件可怕的事情。性行为也是如此。性是生活的一个事实，但它必须根据你的目的来管理。

Certain basic truths about sexuality still exist. Sexuality should be preserved for a primary relationship. Here it is to be used only as a means of establishing deeper intimacy and union, and/or for the purpose of producing a child. If it is not your purpose and design to have children, then you must only use sex for union to nurture your primary relationship.

关于性行为的某些基本真理仍然存在。性行为应该为主要关系保留。在这里，它只能被用作建立更深层面的亲密关系和结合的方式，或用于产生孩子的目的。如果生孩子不是你的目的和设计，那么你必须只把性爱用于结合，以培养你的主要关系。

Problems with sexuality are often not sexual in origin. They are emotional and psychological and are worth exploring and healing. There are only a few sexual problems that are actually physical in nature. Most problems either indicate that an individual is wounded in some way or that they have a basic incompatibility within their relationship. Both require serious consideration.

性行为的问题往往不是源于性。它们是情感和心理问题，值得探索和治愈。只有少数的性问题实际上是身体上的。大多数问题要么表明一个人在某种程度上受到了伤害，要么表明他们的关系中存在着基本的不相容。两者都需要认真考虑。

You can know if you are physically compatible with another by holding their hand, by hugging them or by kissing them. You can see if you are emotionally compatible with another by learning about their habits and background and by seeing what they do and how they think. Without this compatibility, sexuality has no real meaning. It is what happens mind to mind, heart to heart, body to body that is important. Two bodies rubbing against each other does not mean a great deal. It is what transpires within people and between people that is the essence of the matter.

你可以通过握住另一个人的手、拥抱他们或亲吻他们来知道你们在身体上是否相容。你可以通过了解另一个人的习惯和背景，通过看他们做什么和如何思考，来了解你们在感情上是否兼容。没有这种兼容性，性行为就没有真正的意义。重要的是心灵与心灵之间，心与心之间，身体与身体之间发生的关系。两个身体互相摩擦并不意味着很大的问题。在人与人之间发生的关系才是问题的本质。

Initiating a primary relationship therefore requires great caution regarding sexuality. Learn more about your relationship. Investigate each other. Share your life with the other person before you become sexually engaged. Then your sexual engagement will enhance your growing relationship and will not dominate it.

因此，启动一个初级关系需要对性行为非常警惕。多了解你们的关系。调查对方。在你们发生性关系之前，与对方分享你的生活。那么你们的性交往将加强你们不断发展的关系，而不是支配它。

How do you prepare for marriage?
你如何为婚姻做准备？

Marriage is necessary for every person, whether it be marriage with another in intimate relationship or union with a group of people who have gathered together to serve a greater purpose. Marriage is where you transcend your personal fears and preferences in order to have a greater experience of yourself. This can only be accomplished through relationship. This must be entirely natural; it cannot be forced. You cannot make a relationship into your ideal marriage. Yet if you are properly engaged and honestly supporting your spiritual advancement and your partner’s spiritual advancement and are learning how this can be done effectively, then you are aiming yourself towards marriage.

婚姻对每个人来说都是必要的，无论是与另一个有亲密关系的人结婚，还是与一群聚集在一起为更伟大的目的服务的人结合。婚姻是你超越个人恐惧和喜好的地方，以便对自己有更大的经历。这只能通过关系来完成。这必须是完全自然的；它不能被强迫。你不能把一段关系变成你的理想婚姻。然而，如果你适当地参与并诚实地支持你精神上的进步和你伴侣在精神上的进步，并正在学习如何有效地做到这一点，那么你就在把自己的目标对准婚姻。

Preparation for marriage begins with learning to discern your spiritual, mental and physical life. You experience your spiritual life intuitively. You experience your mental life by sharing ideas and values with others, by learning about others and from others, and by observing yourself objectively. It is also experienced by using creative thinking to accomplish specific goals with others. You experience your physical life through sensory awareness and through your experience of being in the world. The more you learn about yourself in these three arenas, the better prepared you will be. This will establish your criteria for meaningful relationships.

婚姻的准备始于学习辨别你在精神上、心理上和身体上的生活。你凭直觉经历你精神上的生活。你通过与他人分享想法和价值观，通过了解他人和向他人学习，以及通过客观地观察自己来经历你的心理生活。它也是通过使用创造性思维与他人一起完成特定目标来经历的。你通过感官的觉知和在世界中的经历来经历你的身体生活。你在这三个领域对自己了解得越多，你就越能做好准备。这将确立你建立有意义的关系的标准。

It will serve you a great deal here to observe relationships in real life and not just in the movies. In real life, people are teaching you everything to do and not to do. If you have an open mind, are listening carefully and not simply following your own ambitions or condemning others, then you can learn a great deal from what others are doing, thus saving yourself years of painful experience. Do not think that you are different than they are. Do not think that because you know so much or have so much spiritual awareness or are so physically endowed or so mentally astute that your experience will be that different from what other people are experiencing.

在这里，观察现实生活中的关系而不仅仅是电影中的关系将对你有很大的帮助。在现实生活中，人们正在教你做和不做的一切。如果你有一个开放的心态，认真倾听，而不是简单地追随自己的野心或谴责他人，那么你可以从别人的所作所为中学到很多经验，从而为自己节省多年的痛苦体验。不要认为你与他们不同。不要认为你知道那么多，或有那么多精神上的觉知，或有那么多身体上的天赋，或有那么多心理上的精明，你的经历就会与其他人的经历有那么大的不同。

The seduction of addiction, the propensity for error and the grave consequence of misappropriation all face you as they do everyone else. That is why you must have a sober approach to participating in life. This is not a negative approach, but an objective approach. Objectivity is the essence of Knowledge. Knowledge does not say, “I will call everything wonderful because I want everything to be wonderful.” Knowledge does not do that. People do that when they are afraid to face life and when they are afraid of their own errors. Knowledge does not say, “Everything is terrible. I must not be fooled by anything. I must not call anything good for fear that it will disappoint me.” Knowledge does not do that either.

上瘾的诱惑、错误的倾向和挪用的严重后果，都会像其他所有人一样面对你。这就是为什么你必须有一个清醒的方法来参与生命。这不是一种消极的方法，而是一种客观的方法。客观性是内识的实质。内识不会说：”我将称一切为美好，因为我希望一切是美好的”。内识不会这样做。当人们害怕面对生命，害怕自己的错误时，他们会这样做。内识不会说：”一切都很可怕。我绝不能被任何关系所迷惑。我绝不能称任何关系为好的，因为担心它会让我失望。” 内识也不会这样做。

Knowledge looks, listens and acts. How simple this is and how completely effective. Knowledge is not distressed with doubt and confusion, comparison and evaluation or judgment and condemnation. Knowledge is not beset with the need for justification, the need for compromise, the need to prove itself to be better than others, the need to control, the need to manipulate or the need to gain a better advantage. Knowledge is not concerned with survival. This is what makes it the most potent force in the world. Because Knowledge is essentially good and inherently filled with grace and because it is only concerned with spiritual advancement and worldly accomplishment in the truest sense, it is without conflict of interest and without flaw. What else can you imagine that possesses these qualities?

内识也不这样做。内识看、听和行动。这多么简单，又多么完全有效。内识不会被怀疑和迷惑、比较和评估、判断和谴责所困扰。内识不会被辩解的需要、妥协的需要、证明自己比别人好的需要、控制的需要、操纵的需要或获得更好优势的需要所困扰。内识并不关心生存问题。这就是使它成为世界上最有力的力量的原因。因为内识本质上是好的，本质上充满了恩惠，因为它只关心精神上的进步和最真实意义上的世俗成就，所以它没有利益冲突，没有缺陷。你还能想象到什么拥有这些品质？

Perhaps at first you will say that such a thing does not exist: “I don’t believe it. I can’t believe it. I’m so afraid of disappointment that I can’t follow Knowledge.” Given that your substitutes for Knowledge have failed you, it is understandable that you would think that Knowledge would fail you as well. It is only through experience that you will learn otherwise. To have this experience, you must have faith in your learning and trust your inclination to learn. You must exercise this faith within yourself and within your relationships.

也许一开始你会说，这样的东西并不存在。”我不相信它。我不能相信它。我太害怕失望了，所以我不能跟随内识”。鉴于你对内识的替代品让你失望，你认为内识也会让你失望，这是可以理解的。只有通过经历，你才能了解到其他情况。为了获得这种经历，你必须对你的学习有信心，相信你的学习倾向。你必须在你自己和你的关系中行使这种信心。

Marriage is the result of growth and development. It is not something that happens the minute you say “I do” in a church. Marriage is the result of a demonstrated compatibility and the joining of minds and wills to give the gifts of contribution to the world. Those gifts may be directed towards your children, your community or the entire world. Any true marriage will extend beyond itself and serve those around it. Thus, it becomes an oasis in a thirsty land. There are so few marriages that possess this. Yet they are a hopeful sign in a seemingly hopeless world. How many marriages can you think of that are truly inspiring to you—not perfect, not without difficulty, but inspiring for what they can accomplish and how much they can provide?

婚姻是成长和发展的结果。它不是你在教堂里说”我愿意”的那一刻就发生的结果。婚姻是表现出兼容性的结果，是心灵和意志的结合，是为世界做出贡献的礼物。这些礼物可能是针对你的孩子、你的社区或整个世界。任何真实的婚姻都会超越它自身，为周围的人服务。因此，它成为一片干渴土地上的绿洲。拥有这一点的婚姻太少了。然而，在一个看似无望的世界中，它们是一个充满希望的标志。你能想到有多少婚姻是真正激励你的——不是完美的，不是没有困难的，而是激励他们能够完成什么，他们能够提供多少？

True marriage is not merely an association of convenience. It has a far greater quality that abides with it, for the presence of your Spiritual Family exists there and Knowledge expresses itself there. It is a source of continual spiritual, mental and worldly expression. Within the core of this marriage, shared physical activities support the union of minds, and the union of minds supports the expression of spirit.

真实的婚姻不仅仅是一种便利的结合。它有一个更大的质量与之相伴，因为你的精神家庭存在于那里，内识在那里表达它自己。它是一个持续的精神、心理和世俗表达的来源。在这种婚姻的核心中，共同的身体活动支持心灵的结合，而心灵的结合支持精神的表达。

True marriage is what you are preparing for, whether you know it or not. Whether you say you want to be married or not, you are preparing for true marriage. If you see that all of your personal growth and development are for this purpose, then you will understand their real meaning. However, if you see your growth and development only as a means for you to become a more powerful, more expressive, more self-controlled and less vulnerable person, you will not understand your personal growth at all, and your actions and your thoughts will be misappropriated.

真实的婚姻是你正在准备的，无论你知道与否。无论你说你想不想结婚，你都在为真实的婚姻做准备。如果你看到你所有的个人成长和发展都是为了这个目的，那么你就会明白它们的真正含义。然而，如果你把你的成长和发展仅仅看作是你成为一个更强大、更有表现力、更有自制力和更不脆弱的人的手段，你就根本不理解你的个人成长，你的行动和感想就会被误用。

It is true that you must become strong to participate in a meaningful relationship, but it is the meaningful relationship that will truly make you strong. What you must recognize in your preparation for marriage are the necessary criteria and the restraint of those factors within yourself that will deny those criteria and make you forge ahead for immediate gratification. Here you must learn patience, discernment and objectivity and be able to follow the deeper inclinations within you, which are the outward expression of your Knowledge.

诚然，你必须变得强大才能参与有意义的关系，但有意义的关系才会真正使你强大。在你准备结婚的过程中，你必须认识到的是必要的标准，以及对自己内心那些会否定这些标准并使你为了立即满足而奋力向前的因素的克制。在这里，你必须学会耐心、辨别力和客观性，并能够遵循你内心深处的倾向，这是你内识的外在表现。

You are preparing for true marriage now. That is how your Inner Teachers view you. That is how your Spiritual Family views you. When you begin to view your life in this way, your mind will begin to have a clearer awareness, your genuine priorities will begin to become established, and your thoughts and your actions will become uniform. Here you will learn to become honest, for real honesty means that your actions and your thoughts are uniform and that nothing within you is betraying that essential source of communication which is coming from your spirit. With real honesty, there is harmony and alignment, and there is no deception within you. This is the full expression of honesty. You are preparing for this marriage as well, for this is the marriage of your body, your mind and your spirit. This is marriage within yourself. This is also marriage between you and another.

你现在正在为真实的婚姻做准备。这就是你的内在老师对你的看法。这就是你的精神家庭如何看待你。当你开始以这种方式看待你的生活时，你的心灵将开始有更清晰的觉知，你真正的优先事项将开始确立，你的感想和行动将变得统一。在这里，你将学会变得诚实，因为真正的诚实意味着你的行动和感想是统一的，你内心没有任何关系背叛了来自你精神的必要性交流的来源。有了真正的诚实，就有了和谐与一致，你的内心就没有欺骗。这就是诚实的充分表达。你也在为这个婚姻做准备，因为这是你的身体、心灵和精神的婚姻。这是你自己内部的婚姻。这也是你和他人之间的婚姻。

In life, true marriage is only to a certain person, to a group of people involved in an important endeavor, and sometimes both. If your marriage to one person functions within a genuine community, then your primary relationship will extend beyond your union with another. In fact, this will always be the case because eventually you will have either a family or a community to serve, and often both. Here genuine marriage is the extension of union to include others where it has been first established between two people. Where two or more are joined, this is Christhood in the world. Knowledge will emanate from them if they are truly joined.

在生活中，真实的婚姻只是对某个人，对参与一项重要工作的一群人，有时两者都是。如果你与一个人的婚姻在一个真正的群体中发挥作用，那么你的主要关系将延伸到你与另一个人的结合之外。事实上，这种情况将一直存在，因为最终你要么有一个家庭，要么有一个社区需要服务，而且往往两者都有。在这里，真实的婚姻是结合的延伸，在两个人之间首先建立的地方包括其他人。在两个人或更多人结合的地方，这就是世界上的基督身份。如果他们是真正的结合，内识将从他们身上散发出来。

When you think of Jesus, think of an individual married to his Spiritual Family. Christ is relationship; Christ is not an individual. People make the Christ an individual because they can identify with an individual more easily than they can with a greater relationship. They relate to separation more than to union. It would be accurate to say that Christ does not mean the anointed one. It means the united relationship. Real meaning cannot come from one individual, but only from a relationship. Jesus’ relationship with his Spiritual Family was demonstrated completely though few people have been able to recognize or understand this demonstration. He was like the tip of the pen that writes on the paper, the very tip where the ink comes forth and makes contact with the world. Thus, his signature is placed upon the world, but he is only the tip of the fountain pen that holds the spiritual substance. The spiritual substance itself is greater than the point of contact. Jesus is the medium of expression for a greater relationship.

当你想到耶稣的时候，要想到一个人与他的精神家庭结婚。基督是关系；基督不是一个人。人们把基督当作个人，因为他们更容易认同个人，而不是认同更大的关系。他们与分离的关系比与结合的关系更密切。准确地说，基督并不意味着受膏者。它意味着联合的关系。真正的意义不能来自一个人，而只能来自一种关系。耶稣与他的精神家庭的关系被完全展示出来，尽管很少有人能够认识或理解这种展示。他就像写在纸上的笔尖，就是墨水出来与世界接触的那一角。因此，他的签名被放在世界上，但他只是持有精神物质的钢笔尖。精神物质本身比接触点更大。耶稣是表达更大关系的媒介。

The meaning and the destiny of true marriage is to become a medium of expression for your Spiritual Family. Marriage seen in this way will become a source of personal fulfillment, personal advancement and worldly contribution. You are preparing for this, knowingly or unknowingly, even now. You are either moving towards this or you are holding yourself back. You are either accepting this or denying it. You are either perceiving this or misperceiving it.

真实婚姻的意义和天命是成为你的精神家庭的表达媒介。以这种方式看待婚姻将成为个人满足、个人进步和世俗贡献的来源。你正在为此做准备，有意或无意地，甚至是现在。你要么在朝这个方向发展，要么在阻碍自己。你要么正在接受它，要么正在否认它。你要么正在感知它，要么正在错误地感知它。

You prepare for your Spiritual Family through genuine marriage in the world. If you cannot marry anyone in the world, you will not be able to join your Spiritual Family beyond the world. Here you will have to come back into the world until you can marry someone in mind, in body and in spirit.

你通过在世界上的真正婚姻为你的精神家庭做准备。如果你不能与世界上的任何人结婚，你将无法在世界之外加入你的精神家庭。在这里，你将不得不回到世界，直到你能在心灵上、身体上和精神上与某人结婚。

You cannot marry an idea, an ideal, a concept, a vision or a philosophy. You cannot marry anything abstract. You cannot marry anything self-created. You may cherish any of these things, you may identify with them, but you cannot marry them. You can only marry another. You marry another to create a family, to serve a community or both. You can unite with a group of people to serve a cause in the world. This is always for contribution because contribution is the essence of fulfillment.

你不能嫁给一个想法、一个理想、一个概念、一个愿景或一个哲学。你不能嫁给任何抽象的想法。你不能嫁给任何自我创造的理想。你可以珍惜任何这些东西，你可以认同它们，但你不能嫁给它们。你只能嫁给另一个人。你与另一个人结婚是为了创建一个家庭，为一个社区服务，或者两者都是。你可以与一群人联合起来，为世界上的一项事业服务。这始终是为了贡献，因为贡献是满足的本质。

How do you find the right person and community?
你如何找到合适的人和社区？

If you are doing the right things in life, the right person and the right group of people will find you. If you are engaged with what you know to do and are doing it to the fullest with complete involvement, you will then be a candidate for true relationship. You will have power, you will have direction and you will have a sense of purpose and meaning. This will make you highly attractive. Unless you are trying to keep people away from you through your behavior, your attitudes or your misguided self-expression, then people will come to you and be drawn to you.

如果你在生活中做正确的事情，正确的人和正确的群体会找到你。如果你从事你知道要做的工作，并且完全投入地做，那么你就会成为真实关系的候选人。你会有力量，你会有方向，你会有一种目的和意义感。这将使你具有高度的吸引力。除非你试图通过你的行为、你的态度或你错误的自我表达让人们远离你，否则人们会来找你，被你吸引。

Knowledge within you is calling for Knowledge within others. The highest form of expression and the greatest experience of relationship occur when Knowledge within you activates Knowledge in another, and Knowledge in another activates Knowledge within you. This is the highest expression of relationship. That is why it is so necessary for you to become engaged with Knowledge, with your purpose in life and with your real responsibilities in the world. This establishes you as a real candidate for meaningful relationship with others.

你内心的内识正在呼唤他人的内识。当你内在的内识激活了另一个人的内识，而另一个人的内识又激活了你内在的内识时，最高形式的表达和最大的关系经历就发生了。这就是关系的最高表达。这就是为什么你有必要与内识、与你的生命目的和你在这个世界上的真正责任联系起来。这将使你成为与他人建立有意义关系的真正候选人。

People are establishing primary relationships all the time to support their substitutes for Knowledge, which are mostly their ideas about who they are and what they want. You have only to look at the results of this to see how unsuccessful it is. People’s experience of relationship will not uphold their idealism. Sooner or later, they will find out that the other person is not who they want them to be.

人们一直在建立主要关系，以支持他们对内识的替代，这些替代主要是他们对自己是谁和自己想要什么的想法。你只需看看这样做的结果，就知道它是多么不成功。人们的关系经历不会支持他们的理想主义。迟早，他们会发现对方不是他们想要的人。

This is disappointing. Without clarity of purpose, a relationship has no foundation. Without the necessary criteria, a relationship cannot stand. Without ongoing support and motivation, even a real relationship will not continue. A relationship must be supported. Energy must be put into it. It must be cared for, nourished and given the opportunity to express itself.

这是令人失望的。没有明确的目的，一种关系就没有基础。没有必要的标准，一段关系就不能成立。没有持续的支持和动力，即使是真正的关系也不会继续。一种关系必须得到支持。必须为它投入精力。它必须被关心，被滋养，并有机会表达它自己。

If you are available to others and if you are meaningfully engaged in your own life, you will attract the right people. That is why you do not have to go out looking for people. You do not have to go out where people congregate to try to seduce them to be with you in order to prove yourself. You may make friends doing this, friends who are trying to do the same thing with you. However, this is not healthy or necessary to establish a real relationship. If you are not hiding out somewhere and if you are not trying to keep people away from you by being obnoxious, then the essence of your engagement with life will be the essence that attracts others to you.

如果你能为他人服务，如果你有意义地参与自己的生命，你将吸引合适的人。这就是为什么你不需要出去找人。你不必去人们聚集的地方，试图引诱他们与你在一起，以证明你自己。你这样做可能会交到朋友，那些试图与你做同样事情的朋友。然而，这不是健康的，也不是建立真正关系所必需的。如果你不躲在某个地方，如果你不试图通过令人厌恶的方式让人们远离你，那么你参与生命的本质将是吸引他人的本质。

You may notice that anyone who is doing something really important in life is rarely alone. People are always with them. Perhaps people are with them for the wrong reasons, but people are with them. Why? Because the person who is doing something meaningful in life provides purpose, meaning and direction for other people. This creates a deep attraction—deeper than sexuality, deeper than physical beauty and deeper than mental brilliance.

你可能会注意到，任何在生活中做着真正重要事情的人很少是孤独的。人们总是和他们在一起。也许人们与他们在一起的原因是错误的，但人们与他们在一起。为什么？因为在生活中做有意义的事情的人，为其他人提供目的、意义和方向。这就产生了一种深深的吸引力——比性欲更深，比身体的美丽更深，比心理的光辉更深。

Therefore, do not hide from other people if you want to be in a real relationship. Do not live on the mountain top. Do not behave or dress in a manner that denies people access to you. You must find out how to constructively express yourself with others. Here you do not want to betray your values, but you do not want to betray your intention for relationship either. It is what you are doing in life, it is what you are serving in life and it is how involved you are in your life which will determine if you are ready for a real relationship. If you are simply waiting for someone to come along and provide excitement and purpose, meaning and direction for you, then you will have very little to offer and will always be looking for the other person to give you what you must provide for yourself. You may stimulate each other for a period of time, but eventually you will be disappointed and you will be disappointing.

因此，如果你想在一个真正的关系中，不要躲避其他人。不要住在山顶上。不要以拒绝他人接触你的方式行事或着装。你必须找出如何建设性地与他人表达自己。在这里，你不想背叛你的价值观，但你也不想背叛你对关系的意图。是你在生命中做什么，是你在生命中服务什么，是你在生命中的参与程度，这将决定你是否准备好建立真正的关系。如果你只是在等待某人出现，为你提供刺激和目的、意义和方向，那么你将没有什么可提供的，并将一直在寻找对方给你必须为你提供的东西。你们可能会在一段时间内刺激对方，但最终你们会感到失望，你将会感到失望。

If a primary relationship is not in view, then give yourself to making your life meaningful. You can always find people to help you do that; thus you will always have relationships. If you want to meet someone, then get involved with your life meaningfully and express this meaning to others. Be fully engaged with what you are doing.

如果主要关系不在考虑之列，那么就为使自己的生命有意义的给予。你总能找到人帮助你做到这一点；因此你总是会有关系。如果你想认识某人，那么就有意义地参与你的生活，并向他人表达这种意义。全身心地投入到你正在做的事情当中。

People want to receive all kinds of benefits from their relationships. They want to escape their loneliness and their personal misery. They want to have loving affairs with an attractive person. They may want a family and a household. But what do they have to give? People say, “Well, I have myself to give.” But what is that?

人们希望从他们的关系中得到各种好处。他们想摆脱自己的孤独和个人的苦闷。他们想和一个有吸引力的人发生爱的关系。他们可能想要一个家庭和一个家。但是他们有什么可以给予的呢？人们说，”好吧，我有自己的东西要给”。但那是什么呢？

Remember, relationship is about doing things together in life. You have to give yourself meaningfully here. You do not marry potential in people, not if you are intelligent. Instead, you marry capability and motivation in people. You also marry their design. What could be more frustrating than to marry someone who has a wonderful design, but no motivation? What could be more frustrating than meeting someone who has real motivation, but whose design is not compatible with yours?

记住，关系是关于在生活中一起做的事。你必须在这里有意义地给予你自己。你不会与人的潜力结婚，如果你是聪明人就不会。相反，你要嫁给人们的能力和动机。你也与他们的设计结婚。还有什么比嫁给一个有美好的设计，但没有动力的人更令人沮丧的呢？还有什么比遇到一个有真正的动机，但其设计与你不兼容的人更令人沮丧的呢？

Look at others to learn about relationship. People are demonstrating all manner of error to you right now. They are teaching you what to value and what not to value. They are teaching you what is real and what is not real, what to do and what not to do. You must look at others, and you must also look at yourself very carefully here. Is your life meaningful, or are you just waiting for a relationship to come along and make your life meaningful? If you are, the relationship will not make your life meaningful. There must be something in you, a deeper need, that you have experienced. That does not mean your life is demonstrating this need to any great degree, but it does mean that you are experiencing it.

看看别人来学习关系。人们现在就在向你展示各种错误。他们正在教你什么是值得重视的，什么是不值得重视的。他们在教你什么是真实的，什么是不真实的，什么该做，什么不该做。你必须看看其他人，你也必须在这里非常仔细地看看你自己。你的生命是否有意义，或者你只是在等待一种关系的出现，使你的生命有意义？如果你是，关系不会使你的生命有意义。在你身上一定有一些东西，一种更深层面的需求，你已经经历到了。这并不意味着你的生活在很大程度上展示了这种需求，但它确实意味着你正在经历这种需求。

Look for purpose, meaning and direction. Do not look for a perfect partner. The perfect partner will find you when you are doing what you really need to be doing. What is more attractive than someone who is doing something meaningful in life? If you want to do something meaningful in your life, you will be attracted to people who are doing something meaningful in their lives. You may say, “I can do something meaningful with this person.” This joining of purpose is the beginning of a real relationship. Perhaps this will lead to marriage or perhaps it will lead to an abiding friendship. But it must have great purpose to succeed. Do not think that marriage is the only avenue for great relationship. The student-teacher relationship can be very great. Friendships can be even greater than a marriage for the companionship they can provide.

寻找目的、意义和方向。不要寻找一个完美的伴侣。当你在做你真正需要做的事情时，完美的伴侣会找到你。有什么比在生活中做有意义的事情的人更有吸引力？如果你想在你的生活中做一些有意义的事情，你会被那些在生活中做有意义的事情的人所吸引。你可能会说，”我可以和这个人一起做一些有意义的事情”。这种目的的结合是一个真正关系的开始。也许这将导致婚姻，也许它将导致持久的友谊。但它必须有伟大的目的才能成功。不要认为婚姻是伟大关系的唯一途径。学生与老师的关系可以非常伟大。友谊甚至可以比婚姻更伟大，因为它们可以提供伴侣关系。

You need great relationships in your life, but first you must become something yourself. You must cultivate within yourself a sense of purpose, meaning and direction. They cannot be fulfilled if you are totally alone. Yet the reality must start within you. Practically speaking, you must have something to give. If you are just a nice person who has wonderful thoughts but who cannot really do anything, your contribution will be limited at the outset. A relationship will not save you; it will only reveal what you yourself have discovered.

你的生命中需要伟大的关系，但首先你必须成为你自己。你必须在自己内心培养一种目的、意义和方向感。如果你完全孤独，它们就无法得到满足。然而，现实必须从你内心开始。实际上，你必须有东西可以给予。如果你只是一个有美好想法的好人，但不能真正做什么，那么你的贡献在一开始就会受到限制。一种关系不会拯救你；它只会揭示你自己所发现的内识。

You have people around you to teach you everything you need to know about relationships. Do your own evaluation, but remember that Knowledge within you will engage you with the right people. Perhaps you will be engaged with a person who does not have the ultimate pretty face or who does not meet your personal set of criteria. Knowledge will engage you. You may discern real purpose, meaning and direction in your life, but you do not yet know where you are going and why you are going there. Real relationship will show this to you over time.

你身边的人可以教你关于关系的一切知识。做你自己的评估，但记住，你内心的内识会让你与正确的人交往。也许你会与一个没有终极漂亮面孔的人或不符合你个人标准的人交往。内识会让你参与其中。你可能看出你生命中真正的目的、意义和方向，但你还不知道你要去哪里，为什么要去那里。真正的关系会随着时间的推移向你展示这一点。

Certainly, areas of incompatibility are essential to recognize at the outset when establishing a primary relationship. Here you must see what people have done and whether what they have done conforms to their nature or is simply a learned behavior. If change in their life is needed, are they committed to change or are they only entertaining the idea of change? Are their values compatible with yours? These are questions to ask yourself.

当然，在建立主要关系时，不相容的领域在一开始就必须承认。在这里，你必须看到人们所做的事情，以及他们所做的事情是否符合他们的本性，或者只是一种学习的行为。如果他们的生活需要改变，他们是否致力于改变，还是只是在接受改变的想法？他们的价值观与你的价值观一致吗？这些都是要问你自己的问题。

Do not think that a person will change significantly as a result of being with you. Do not make the serious error of thinking that you are going to improve or change another person’s habits, thinking or behavior. That is a very grave error and establishes a destructive dependency that hurts both the other person and you and limits your progress. What a person has done before is what he or she will likely do in the future, though with proper orientation and a commitment to change, many things can be improved. However, the way that a person does things will likely continue, although hopefully it will be for a better purpose. Therefore, be attentive to signs of incompatibility at the outset, particularly in the areas of health, money and spiritual growth. These are very critical areas where your attention is needed.

不要认为一个人将会因为和你在一起而发生重大变化。不要犯严重的错误，认为你会改善或改变另一个人的习惯、思维或行为。这是一个非常严重的错误，它建立了一种破坏性的依赖，伤害了对方和你，限制了你的进步。一个人以前所做的事情就是他或她将来可能会做的事情，尽管有适当的定位和改变的承诺，许多事情都可以得到改善。然而，一个人做事的方式很可能会继续下去，尽管希望它是为了更好的目的。因此，在一开始就要注意不相容的迹象，特别是在健康、金钱和精神成长方面。这些都是非常关键的领域，需要你的关注。

Within yourself, it is necessary to begin to discover Knowledge. If your experience of Knowledge is not well established, you will need to take special care in evaluating other people’s thinking, behavior and difficulties. As Knowledge becomes more real and more accessible to you as a student of Knowledge, you will be able to feel what you know more deeply. The experience of Inner Guidance will vary from person to person, and you will need to find your own way of gaining access to what you know. Here you must be careful to look and see if what you are feeling or thinking holds to be true in your experience. Sometimes your inner inclinations may be misapprehended or misunderstood by you. In either case, it is helpful to seek the counsel or support of a person whose inclinations and experience you can trust. This is always important for wise decision making, particularly in the area of relationships. Here even the most mature person must recognize the possibility of error that still faces him or her. No matter how much you have learned or how advanced you think you are, never assume that you are beyond error in discerning the nature or direction of a relationship. Decision making in relationships always requires wise counsel and support.

在你内心，有必要开始发现内识。如果你对内识的经历还没有很好地建立起来，你将需要在评估其他人的思维、行为和困难时特别小心。随着内识变得更加真实，作为内识的学生，你将能够更深刻地感受到你所知道的。内在指导的经历因人而异，你需要找到自己的方式来获得你所知道的内识。在这里，你必须小心观察，看看你的感觉或想法是否在你的经历中是真实的。有时你的内在倾向可能被你错误地理解或误解了。在这两种情况下，寻求一个你可以信任的倾向和经历的人的建议或支持是有帮助的。这对明智的决策总是很重要的，特别是在关系领域。在这里，即使是最成熟的人也必须认识到他或她仍然面临错误的可能性。无论你学了多少东西，或你认为自己有多高的水平，永远不要假设你在辨别关系的性质或方向方面没有错误。在关系中做决定总是需要明智的建议和支持。

There are many dangerous areas. If you recognize those areas in your life through your past experience where you were prone to make mistakes, you will realize that the potential for making the same mistakes continues to exist. Old patterns of behavior can be very difficult to break. Old attractions and addictions will remain with you, although to a lessening degree over time. You must be cautious. You are not being negative here out of fear. Instead, you are being cautious and aware because you do not want to make the same mistakes again.

有许多危险的领域。如果你通过自己过去的经验认识到你生活中那些容易犯错的领域，你会意识到犯同样错误的可能性继续存在。旧的行为模式可能非常难以打破。旧的吸引力和成瘾性会一直伴随着你，尽管随着时间的推移，程度会越来越轻。你必须警惕。你在这里不是因为害怕而采取消极态度。相反，你是在警惕和注意，因为你不想再犯同样的错误。

Be very careful if you notice yourself wanting to talk yourself out of legitimate objections concerning your engagement in relationship with a particular person. If you find yourself wanting to overlook or deny these objections, it is time to step back and wait. This is very important. If you have a great deal of fear or anxiety about being with a person, you must pay attention to this. Do not think that you are simply being negative or fearful, but instead look at the content of your fear as objectively as you can. See if your fear is justified. You may be apprehending something that is genuinely there, or you may simply be afraid of intimacy or afraid of loss. Yet you must look to find out.

如果你注意到自己想说服自己放弃关于你与某个人的关系的合理反对意见，那就要非常小心。如果你发现自己想忽略或否认这些反对意见，那么现在是时候退后一步等待了。这一点非常重要。如果你对与一个人在一起有很大的恐惧或焦虑，你必须注意这一点。不要认为你只是在消极或恐惧，而是尽可能客观地看待你的恐惧内容。看看你的恐惧是否是合理的。你可能是在领会真正存在的内识，或者你可能只是害怕亲密关系或害怕失去。然而，你必须看一看才能发现。

If your concerns or apprehensions continue, seek the counsel of a person whose Knowledge and experience you can trust, someone who is impartial regarding your particular decision. A close friend, a relative or even a person with professional capabilities may help you in this regard. It is far easier to meet initial disappointment than to learn the hard way that your initial decision was in error. Always be willing to face disappointment. Always meet adversity as soon as possible if it is facing you. In this way, you will save yourself great pain and suffering. This will assure that your advancement will be rapid and complete.

如果你仍有顾虑或担忧，请寻求一个你可以信任的人的建议，他的内识和经验对你的特定决定是公正的。一个亲密的朋友，一个亲戚，甚至一个有专业能力的人都可以在这方面帮助你。遇到最初的失望比艰难地了解到你最初的决定是错误的要容易得多。总是愿意面对失望。如果你面临逆境，一定要尽快迎难而上。这样，你就可以免去巨大的痛苦和磨难。这将确保你的进步迅速而彻底。

Listen to your own inclinations regarding your attraction to another person. Why are you attracted to this person? Ask yourself this: “Why am I attracted to this person?” and objectively listen to the reasons that your mind provides. Then ask yourself: “Can I live with this person day in and day out, given the real adversities of life? Can I really live with this person?” If you are not certain, do not commit yourself to that situation. Wait and see. It is all right to wait and see. Beyond a certain point it will be time to either give yourself or to withdraw. But at the outset you have the luxury and indeed the responsibility to wait and see.

关于你对另一个人的吸引力，听听你自己的倾向性。为什么你会被这个人吸引？这样问自己。”我为什么会被这个人吸引？”客观地倾听你的心灵所提供的理由。然后问自己。”考虑到生活中的实际逆境，我能够日复一日地与这个人生活在一起吗？我真的能和这个人一起生活吗？”如果你不确定，就不要把自己交付给这种情况。等待和观察。等待和观察是正确的。超过一定的时间，就到了要么给予你自己，要么退出的时候了。但在一开始，你就有等待和观察的权利，而且确实有责任。

If you are clear minded and if you are willing to face the truth, you will have an opportunity to learn quickly whether or not this person to whom you are attracted is a true candidate for marriage. Because relationships that involve sexuality are the most difficult relationships in which to practice discernment, it is necessary to pay special attention in this particular kind of relationship. It is much easier to be objective in a friendship, for here you can simply participate and wait and see if your friendship deepens. However, when sexuality is involved, there is a great deal of personal investment, and how things turn out can be very consequential. This is true because of the power and importance of your sexuality and because of the meaning and emphasis, value and identity that you place upon relationships of this kind.

如果你头脑清晰，如果你愿意面对事实，你将有机会迅速了解你所吸引的这个人是否是真实的婚姻候选人。因为涉及性的关系是最难练习辨别力的关系，所以在这种特殊的关系中必须特别注意。在友谊中要客观得多，因为在这里你可以简单地参与并等待，看看你们的友谊是否加深。然而，当涉及到性行为时，就会有大量的个人投资，关系的结果可能是非常重要的。这是真实的，因为你性行为的力量和重要性，也因为你对这种关系的意义和强调、价值和身份。

Do not underestimate the power of a primary relationship. It can either make or break you. Therefore, it is advised that you be wisely cautious—not fearful, but wisely cautious. In this way, the likelihood of your making a serious mistake will be greatly lessened, and you will be in a far better position to see what you need to do.

不要低估一个主要关系的力量。它既可以成就你，也可以毁掉你。因此，建议你明智地警惕，不是害怕，而是明智地警惕。这样，你犯严重错误的可能性就会大大降低，你将处于一个更好的位置，看到你需要做什么。

In preparing for relationship, you must learn what you value, what is important to you and what is essential for you to learn. This must be based upon what you need as an individual and what you require in your life. This is very important. If you are a person, for example, who needs a great deal of security and stability in your life, obviously, if you marry a person who does not have this emphasis, your relationship will be strained and very difficult. It may be exciting at the outset because the other person will be challenging you continually by his or her behavior and ideas, but your ability to stay with a person who has this emphasis will be very limited. This is just one example. Perhaps you are not concerned with stability and security, so if you marry someone who has this concern, you might feel that they limit you or that you constantly have to attenuate your interests and your actions to meet their needs for security. In this situation, both of you will lose. Though in the long run, you may have the opportunity to learn something of value about yourself here, the time and energy it takes for you to learn this may be far more wasteful than it need be. That is why it is not recommended that you use relationships for personal growth. You can learn the same lessons far more easily with far less cost.

在为关系做准备时，你必须了解你的价值，什么对你很重要，什么是你必须学习的。这必须基于你作为一个人的需求和你在生活中的要求。这一点非常重要。例如，如果你是一个在生活中需要大量安全和稳定的人，显然，如果你嫁给一个没有这种强调的人，你们的关系将变得紧张和非常困难。一开始可能会很兴奋，因为对方的行为和想法会不断地挑战你，但是你和一个有这种强调的人在一起的能力会非常有限。这只是一个例子。也许你不关心稳定和安全，所以如果你和有这种关注的人结婚，你可能会觉得他们限制了你，或者你不得不不断地削弱你的兴趣和行动来满足他们对安全的需求。在这种情况下，你们两个人都会输。虽然从长远来看，你可能有机会在这里学到一些对自己有价值的事情，但你为学到这些东西所花费的时间和精力可能比需要的要浪费得多。这就是为什么不建议你利用关系来促进个人成长。你可以用更少的代价更容易地学习同样的课程。

Do not use intimate relationships for personal growth. Do not justify your errors by saying, “Well, I learned from this.” Errors are errors. Errors are a misappropriation of your life force and a waste of your time in the world. A certain amount of error is necessary to teach you what to value and how to discern what is valuable. However, beyond that, error becomes wasteful and destructive.

不要利用亲密关系促进个人成长。不要为你的错误辩解说：”嗯，我从这里面学到了东西”。错误就是错误。错误是对你生命力的挪用，是对你在世界上时间的浪费。一定量的错误是必要的，可以教你重视什么以及如何辨别什么是有价值的。然而，超出这个范围，错误就会变成浪费且具有破坏性。

What should you be aware of when considering marriage?
在考虑婚姻时，你应该注意什么？

There are many things to be aware of when considering marriage. Patience is necessary. Openness is necessary. The willingness to lose the relationship is necessary. If you are willing to do these things, then you are in a position to make a wise decision. If you do not become sexually engaged prematurely, the opportunity for you to be in this position is far greater. If someone is destined and ready to be your mate, they will not go anywhere unless you seriously discourage them. Waiting is fine; it is healthy. This gives you the time to learn about the other person and to learn about your desire for that person. Here again people around you will teach you through demonstration all that you need to learn as long as you have established certain guidelines to follow within yourself.

在考虑婚姻时，有许多事情需要注意。耐心是必要的。开放性是必要的。愿意失去这段关系是必要的。如果你愿意做这些事情，那么你就有条件做出明智的决定。如果你不过早地发生性关系，你处于这种位置的机会就会大得多。如果有人注定并准备好成为你的伴侣，除非你认真劝阻，否则他们不会去任何地方。等待是好的，它是健康的。这让你有时间了解对方，了解你对这个人的渴望。在这里，你周围的人又会通过示范来教你所有你需要学习的东西，只要你在自己内心建立了某些准则来遵循。

Remember, you are an important person. You have a purpose in life, whether it has been discovered or not. You do not want this purpose wasted or destroyed by misappropriating yourself in serious relationship engagements. Particularly if you are older, this is critical because the time you have for family and for true productivity in the world may be limited now. You have to choose more carefully. You cannot afford years of personal experimentation. Success now becomes ever more necessary for you, and therefore your reliance upon Knowledge and the importance of compatibility in your primary relationships gain increasing value.

记住，你是一个重要的人。你在生命中有一个目的，不管它是否已经被发现。你不希望这个目的因在严肃的关系参与中挪用你自己而被浪费或破坏。特别是如果你是老年人，这一点很关键，因为你现在拥有的用于家庭和真实的世界生产力的时间可能是有限的。你必须更谨慎地选择。你无法承担多年的个人试验。现在，成功对你来说变得更加必要，因此，你对内识的依赖和在主要关系中的兼容性的重要性获得了越来越多的价值。

For young people, the lessons and guidelines that are being given here are quite important. Following these guidelines will give you the clarity to discern who to be with and how to be with them—a clarity that so few people have gained thus far. How simple are the lessons of discernment, and yet how difficult they seem to be for those who are committed to having what they want. It is difficult to be objective when you experience intense love for someone, but it is possible. It is possible because Knowledge is with you. Knowledge is not swayed by your intense loves and your intense hatreds. It is not swayed by your emotional states. Your emotional states can only make it more difficult for you to experience the presence and the direction of Knowledge. That is not to say emotions are bad. Of course not. However, anything that dominates your mind that is not Knowledge can lead you astray and have a destructive impact upon you.

对于年轻人来说，这里给出的教训和准则是相当重要的。遵循这些准则将使你清晰地分辨出与谁在一起以及如何与他们在一起——这是迄今为止很少有人获得的清晰性。辨别的课程是多么简单，然而对于那些致力于获得他们想要的关系的人来说，它们似乎是多么困难。当你经历到对某人的强烈爱意时，要做到客观是很难的，但这是可能的。它是可能的，因为内识与你同在。内识不会被你强烈的爱和强烈的恨所动摇。它不被你的情感状态所动摇。你的情感状态只能使你更难经历到内识的存在和方向。这并不是说情绪是坏的。当然不是。然而，任何主宰你心灵的非内识的状态都会把你引入歧途，对你产生破坏性的影响。

If you pay attention at the outset, people will tell you what you need to know about them. They will reveal their strengths and their weaknesses, either willingly or unwittingly. If you take the time to learn about their past experience in relationships, you will understand how they genuinely function, despite whatever aspirations they may have. You want to make a good decision in a relationship. It is better to be alone than to make the wrong selection.

如果你一开始就注意，人们会告诉你，你需要知道的关于他们的事情。他们会在自愿或不知情的情况下透露他们的优点和缺点。如果你花时间了解他们过去的人际关系经历，你会了解他们真正的功能，尽管他们可能有什么愿望。你想在一段关系中做出一个好的决定。孤独比做出错误的选择要好。

Remember the difference between recognition and relationship. You may experience recognition with another, but that does not mean that you will be able to have a successful relationship with that person. Make sure that the relationship can support the recognition. Make sure that both you and the other person are capable of being in a committed relationship together with what you have now, not with what you could be in the future. The person that you think you should be or could be is not the person that you are today. You must be ready for a relationship and especially for marriage. The other person must be ready. If the person seems to be the perfect person, but they are not ready, then they are not the perfect person, at least not now. If they are married to someone else, they are probably not the perfect person. You cannot make someone else ready. You cannot insist that they be ready or require that they be in the position that you think that you are in. Often people demand that the other person be ready when they themselves are not. It is easy to chase someone who is running away from you; it is more difficult to accept someone who is coming towards you.

记住认可和关系之间的区别。你可能会经历到对另一个人的认可，但这并不意味着你将能够与这个人建立成功的关系。要确保这种关系能够支持认可。确保你和对方都有能力以你们现在所拥有的内识，而不是以你们未来可能拥有的内识，共同建立起一种承诺的关系。你认为你应该或可能成为的人不是你今天的人。你必须为一段关系，特别是为婚姻做好准备。另一个人也必须准备好。如果这个人似乎是完美的人，但他们没有准备好，那么他们就不是完美的人，至少现在不是。如果他们已经和别人结婚，他们可能不是完美的人。你不能让别人准备好。你不能坚持要求他们准备好，或要求他们处于你认为自己所处的位置。通常人们要求对方准备好，而他们自己却没有准备好。追逐一个从你身边跑开的人很容易；接受一个向你走来的人则更难。

Many things must be discerned and this may seem complex. You may ask yourself, “How can I possibly keep track of all these things? How can I possibly make a wise decision when I have so many things to be aware of?” The answer is simple because Knowledge is with you. Knowledge will indicate what you need to do, but you still need to look and listen and learn. This is what allows Knowledge to guide you. Knowledge wants to make you aware. It wants to make you wise. And it wants to make you a person of ability. Therefore, do not passively wait for Knowledge to tell you what to do. Participate in life and Knowledge will show you how to do things. This is because Knowledge is here to elevate you and to increase your possibility for success in the world.

许多关系必须加以辨别，这可能看起来很复杂。你可能会问自己，”我怎么可能掌握所有这些事情？当我有这么多事情需要注意时，我怎么可能做出明智的决定？”答案很简单，因为内识就在你身边。内识会指出你需要做什么，但你仍然需要看、听和学习。这就是让内识来指导你的原因。内识想让你意识到。它想让你变得有智慧。它想使你成为一个有能力的人。因此，不要被动地等待内识来告诉你该怎么做。参与生活，内识会告诉你如何做事情。这是因为内识是为了提升你，增加你在世界上成功的可能性。

To follow Knowledge, you must adhere to what you deeply experience, and you must value your experience beyond your preferences or the preferences of others. Sometimes other people will either encourage you or discourage you from becoming involved in a relationship. Always pay attention to what they are saying to see if there is any truth in their words. If you can do this objectively, you will learn a great deal about truth and error. But you must trust your own experience. This does not mean simply giving yourself over to your passions. Instead, it means learning to trust what you know over what you want.

要跟随内识，你必须坚持你深刻的经历，你必须重视你的经历，超越你的喜好或他人的喜好。有时，其他人要么鼓励你，要么劝阻你参与一段关系。一定要注意他们所说的话，看看他们的话中是否有真理。如果你能客观地做到这一点，你会学到很多关于真理和错误的东西。但你必须相信自己的经历。这并不意味着简单地把自己交给你的激情。相反，它意味着要学会相信你所知道的，而不是你想要的。

Be patient and you will learn. Be impatient and you will pay. Either way you will learn, but the price of learning will be far greater if you are impatient. You will always pay something for your learning, but what you pay must be part of the benefit you receive from the lesson itself. Otherwise, the possibility that you have truly learned the lesson will diminish. If too much pain is associated with learning, then you will associate with the pain and not with the learning. Here it is better to minimize the pain and maximize your learning. You are meant to have meaningful relationships and true marriage in your life. With relationships of this quality, you will be in a position to give to the world.

要有耐心，你会学到。不耐烦的话，你会付出代价。无论哪种方式，你都会学习，但如果你不耐烦，学习的代价会大得多。你总是要为你的学习付出一些代价，但你所付出的必须是你从课程本身获得的好处的一部分。否则，你真正学到这门课的可能性就会减少。如果将太多的痛苦与学习联系在一起，那么你将与痛苦联系在一起，而不是与学习联系在一起。在这里，最好是将痛苦最小化，将学习最大化。在你的生命中，你注定要有有意义的关系和真实的婚姻。有了这种质量的关系，你将有能力为世界做出贡献。

How can you use Knowledge to make a wise decision?
你如何善用内识来做出明智的决定？

People experience Knowledge in various ways, yet Knowledge will always be associated with something you know. The experience of Knowledge is very abiding. It does not change from day to day. It will not be here today and gone tomorrow. This is because Knowledge rarely changes. You often change in response to Knowledge or in apprehension of it, but Knowledge itself rarely changes.

人们以各种方式经历内识，然而内识总是与你所知道的关系相关联。内识的经历是非常持久的。它不会日复一日地变化。它不会今天在这里，明天就消失。这是因为内识很少改变。你经常在对内识的回应或对它的理解上发生改变，但内识本身很少改变。

Knowledge is very still. Yet if you are restless and moving around a great deal, you will not be able to perceive the presence of Knowledge. This is why people do not experience God, because God is very still and people are very restless. When you are restless, you only see other things that are restless because your senses were made to perceive the movement of things, not the essence of things. Your eyes see things that are moving. Your ears hear things that are changing in pitch. Your nose senses things that are changing in smell. You can touch that which is stationary. However, because your mind is still attracted to that which is moving, you will less likely be aware of that which is still than aware of that which is moving.

内识是非常静止的。然而，如果你不安分，经常走动，你就无法感知到内识的存在。这就是为什么人们不能经历到上帝，因为上帝是非常静止的，而人们是非常不安的。当你不安的时候，你只能看到其他不安的事物，因为你的感官是用来感知事物的运动，而不是事物的本质。你的眼睛看到正在移动的事物。你的耳朵听到音调变化的事物。你的鼻子感觉到在气味上变化的事物。你可以触摸到静止的东西。然而，由于你的心灵仍然被运动的事物所吸引，你对静止的事物的意识比对运动的事物的意识要少。

God is still. As you become still, you will experience God. As you become still, you will experience your own Knowledge, which is God’s gift to you. Therefore, learn to be still so that you may know. If you are in a passionate relationship and your emotions are running at a fever pitch, you cannot be still. This is the time to withdraw, not to deny your feelings, but to place yourself in a position to observe them. When Knowledge brings you into a relationship, it does so without a fever pitch. It is more a calm feeling of being at home than a feeling of uncontrolled excitement. This is not to discourage excitement, but if it dominates your mind to such an extent that you cannot see and hear, then it is not excitement but fearful anticipation. Here learning requires guidance, caution and supportive relationships. No one is in a position to make wise decisions all the time. No one is free from temptation completely. No one is above error in the world.

上帝是静止的。当你变得静止时，你将经历到上帝。当你变得静止时，你将经历到你自己的内识，这是上帝给你的礼物。因此，要学会静止，以便你能知道。如果你处在一个充满激情的关系中，你的情绪在狂热地运行，你就不能静下来。这时要退出，不是否认你的感觉，而是把自己放在一个位置上观察它们。当内识把你带入一段关系时，它没有发烧的感觉。它更像是一种在家的平静感觉，而不是一种不受控制的兴奋感觉。这并不是要阻止兴奋，但如果它支配了你的心灵，以至于你无法看到和听到，那么它就不是兴奋，而是恐惧的期待。这里的学习需要指导、警惕和支持性的关系。没有人能够一直做出明智的决定。没有人能够完全不受诱惑。在这个世界上，没有人能够在错误之外。

In essence, you cannot use Knowledge, but you can allow Knowledge to serve you. You cannot use Knowledge as a tool to try to get more out of life for yourself or even to try to give to life more of what you want to give. You do not own Knowledge. It is far more powerful than you are. It is God’s gift to you. In fact, it is God in your life in the world. If you learn to be receptive and if you become objective about your experience, you will be able to discern the presence and the guidance of Knowledge increasingly. Eventually, this will make it far more difficult for you to make a mistake. As Knowledge is being honored, followed and recognized, it will become more apparent in your life and will exert a greater and greater influence in your awareness. Then you will realize that you are truly safe and that the source of your safety is now emerging.

从本质上讲，你不能使用内识，但你可以让内识为你服务。你不能把内识作为工具，试图从生命中为自己获得更多，甚至试图为生命提供更多你想提供的礼物。你并不拥有内识。它比你强大得多。它是上帝给你的礼物。事实上，它是上帝在你生活的世界里。如果你学会接受，如果你对自己的经历变得客观，你将能够越来越多地分辨出内识的存在和指导。最终，这将使你更难犯错。随着内识被尊重、遵循和认可，它将在你的生活中变得更加明显，并在你的意识中发挥越来越大的影响。然后你会意识到，你是真正的安全，你安全的源头现在正在出现。

Knowledge will always protect you. It will always set you in the direction of your advancement. It will always take you away from divisive engagements and will place you in contact with those who have the possibility of truly serving you. Sometimes Knowledge will put you in the proximity of someone whom you find very attractive, but with whom you cannot have a meaningful relationship, simply to teach you to become objective and to learn to look and to listen so that you may know.

内识将永远保护你。它将永远使你朝着你的进步方向发展。它总是会带你远离分裂的参与，并将你与那些有可能真正为你服务的人接触。有时，内识会把你放在一个你认为非常有吸引力的人身边，但你不能与他建立有意义的关系，这只是为了教你变得客观，学会观察和倾听，以便你可以知道。

Do not think that you must fall into feverish love. True love is always calm because it is always based on recognition and compatibility. And true love will grow because true participation in relationship is the vehicle for its expression. When you are with your true mate, you will feel an inner confirmation. However, when you are inappropriately engaged with another, you will feel inner resistance. Knowledge either says yes, no or nothing at all. If you feel resistance to a relationship, you must explore this. Perhaps it is the right person but certain things need to be established, or certain changes need to be made before you can be together. If the resistance persists in spite of these changes, then you can be certain you are improperly engaged, and despite the prospect of loss and sadness, it is better for you to step away in order to support yourself and the other person’s well-being. Here you must be more committed to your spiritual development than to your immediate gratification in relationship. This requires courage and it also requires a certain degree of true understanding. You must realize that if you are not successful in a relationship, you will pay a great price. You may still derive benefit from your investment, but the investment may be too great.

不要认为你必须陷入狂热的爱。真实的爱总是平静的，因为它总是基于认可和兼容。而真爱会成长，因为真实参与关系是其表达的载体。当你和你的真实伴侣在一起时，你会感到内心的确认。然而，当你与另一个人不适当地交往时，你会感到内心的抗拒。内识要么说是，要么说不是，要么什么都不说。如果你对一段关系感到抗拒，你必须探索这一点。也许它是正确的人，但某些事情需要建立，或者在你们能在一起之前需要做出某些改变。如果尽管有这些改变，阻力仍然存在，那么你可以肯定你的交往是不恰当的，尽管有损失和悲伤的前景，但为了支持你自己和对方的幸福，你最好还是退一步。在这里，你必须更加致力于你精神上的发展，而不是你在关系中的即时满足。这需要勇气，也需要一定程度的真实理解。你必须认识到，如果你在一段关系中不成功，你将付出巨大的代价。你仍然可能从你的投资中获得好处，但投资可能太大。

Grave failure and disappointment in relationships will leave scars, which will affect your ability to participate in the future. Eventually, they can prevent your ability to successfully be in relationship with others. A few scars will not disable you, but many scars will deny you your fulfillment in relationship. To heal these wounds from the past, you must follow Knowledge, for Knowledge can repair all things. It is the great source of healing within yourself. If you have had many disappointments in your relationships, the requirement for you to be objective, to be discerning, to practice inner stillness and to be cautious will be greater. You will need to move more carefully than before. In fact, you will be naturally inclined to do this.

关系中严重的失败和失望会留下伤痕，这将影响你参与未来的能力。最终，它们会阻止你成功地与他人建立关系的能力。一些伤疤不会使你丧失能力，但许多伤疤会剥夺你在关系中的满足感。要治愈这些来自过去的创伤，你必须遵循内识，因为内识可以修复一切创伤。它是治愈你自己内心的伟大源泉。如果你在人际关系中曾有过许多失望，那么对你的要求就更高了，要客观，要有辨别力，要练习内心的静止，要警惕。你将需要比以前更小心地行动。事实上，你会自然地倾向于这样做。

Knowledge will join you where you can be joined. Knowledge will take you away from where you cannot be joined. This may conform to your beliefs or it may not. This may conform to your principles or it may not. Knowledge is beyond beliefs and principles, being of God. Knowledge requires your support and active participation. You cannot follow Knowledge unwillingly and hope to learn from it. You must recognize Knowledge as a source of healing and accomplishment for you, not as a source of domination in any respect. If you resist Knowledge, Knowledge will withdraw and you will be left with your own distrust to haunt you. If Knowledge sees that it cannot support you, it will withdraw. At a certain point in your learning process, you will not want Knowledge to withdraw because you will realize it is the source of purpose, meaning and direction for you.

内识会在你可以加入的地方加入你。内识将带你离开你不能加入的地方。这可能符合你的信仰，也可能不符合。这可能符合你的原则，也可能不符合。内识是超越信仰和原则的，是上帝的。内识需要你的支持和积极参与。你不能不情愿地跟随内识，并希望从它那里学到东西。你必须认识到内识是你医治和成就的源泉，而不是在任何方面的支配源泉。如果你抵制内识，内识就会退出，你就会被自己的不信任所困扰。如果内识看到它不能支持你，它就会退出。在你学习过程的某一点上，你将不希望内识退出，因为你将意识到它是你的目的、意义和方向的来源。

There are many things in the world that masquerade as Knowledge because there are many substitutes for Knowledge. There are many addictions and a great deal of speculation, justification and denial surrounding these addictions. There is a great deal of talk about relationships, but very little substance. There is a great deal of positive speculation. Yet there is also a great deal of mistrust and doubt. People hope for wonderful things, yet they are afraid of terrible things. People long for success, yet they are fearful of another failure.

世界上有许多东西伪装成内识，因为有许多内识的替代品。有许多成瘾的事物，围绕这些成瘾的关系有大量的猜测、辩解和否认。有大量关于关系的谈话，但很少有实质内容。有大量的积极猜测。然而，也有大量的不信任和怀疑。人们希望得到美好的关系，但他们却害怕可怕的内识。人们渴望成功，但他们又害怕再次失败。

You will hear a great deal spoken about relationships, and there are many helpful ideas in the world that can aid your decision making and discernment. However, this can be very confusing. Your Knowledge will provide the basis for simplicity here. Simplicity will provide clarity—clear decisions and clear choices. If your choices are not clear, then you have more to learn and to discern. If your choice is clear, make it and follow what you know. If you are not yet at a point of decision, you must see what you need to do to reach that point. Wise decision brings resolution, and resolution brings harmony and progress. Remaining too long in irresolution without moving forward will merely be destructive and wasteful.

你会听到很多关于人际关系的言论，世界上有很多有用的想法，可以帮助你做决定和辨别。然而，这可能是非常混乱的。你的内识将为这里的简单性提供基础。简洁性将提供清晰性——清晰的决定和清晰的选择。如果你的选择不清晰，那么你就有更多的关系需要学习和辨别。如果你的选择是明确的，那就做出它，并遵循你所知道的。如果你还没有达到决定的地步，你必须看到你需要做什么来达到这个地步。明智的决定带来解决，而解决带来和谐与进步。在无法解决的问题上停留太久而不前进，只会造成破坏性的浪费。

Learning to follow Knowledge is something you can do. Undertaking a specific and prolonged course of study to develop yourself spiritually, mentally and physically is very important. Having a supportive environment of people and the right teacher will certainly shorten your learning time considerably and give you the environment in which you can learn to discern that which is meaningful. Because you can only discover yourself through relationships, your relationships here are quite valuable. Value your relationship experience and Knowledge will reveal itself to you ever more rapidly. For it is in relationship that Knowledge provides this greater service and is most needed.

学习遵循内识是你可以做到的。承担一个特定的、长期的学习课程，在精神上、心理上和身体上发展自己是非常重要的。有一个支持性的人际环境和合适的老师，肯定会大大缩短你的学习时间，给你一个环境，让你学会辨别那些有意义的关系。因为你只有通过关系才能发现自己，所以你在这里的关系是相当有价值的。珍惜你的关系经历，内识会越来越快地展现在你面前。因为正是在关系中，内识提供了这种更大的服务，也是最需要的。

How can you perceive and use past mistakes to your benefit?
你怎样才能感知并善用过去的错误为你带来益处？

You have past mistakes to illustrate to you what to value and what not to value. Yet sometimes this can be difficult to determine. At least you learn what not to do again, and this eliminates some of your former criteria for relationship. That is always helpful. Progress here is based more on unlearning rather than learning, giving things up rather than taking things on. Refinement is the process of taking away that which does not belong. It is bringing things down to their essential qualities, their essential aspects and their essential function.

你有过去的错误来向你说明什么是值得重视的，什么是不值得重视的。然而有时这可能很难确定。至少你学会了什么不能再做，这就消除了你以前的一些关系标准。这始终是有帮助的。这里的进步更多的是基于解除学习而不是学习，放弃学习而不是承担学习。完善是去除不属于学习的过程。它是将学习降至其基本品质、基本方面和基本功能。

It is very important then that you use your past experience to serve you now. To do this effectively, you must not deny the cost of your errors. Do not say that everything that happened was for your good when, in fact, it generated considerable confusion and misery for you. Accept the fact that it generated considerable confusion and misery and be determined to derive some value from it so that you will not have to repeat that error again. If you do not realize the cost of a past error, you will not be well prepared and you will not take seriously the possibility of making the same mistake in the future. Errors are costly. Errors in relationship are as costly as errors in your business endeavors. Learn what is necessary from your errors so that they can serve you. Part of their service to you is that you suffered for them. This can provide the conviction necessary for you to use your errors wisely. Pain motivates people, but truth is a greater motivator. To value the truth, you must see that you cannot live without it. Here pain can serve you, but only to teach you to value the truth. You have already made painful mistakes. To avoid having to repeat them, you must gain as much value from them as possible.

因此，非常重要的是，你要善用你过去的经历来为你现在服务。要有效地做到这一点，你必须不否认你错误的代价。不要说所发生的一切是为了你的利益，而事实上，它给你带来了相当大的困惑和痛苦。接受它产生了相当大的混乱和痛苦的事实，并决心从中获得一些价值，这样你就不必再重复这个错误了。如果你没有意识到过去错误的代价，你就不会有充分的准备，你就不会认真对待将来犯同样错误的可能性。错误是有代价的。关系中的错误与你的商业努力中的错误一样代价高昂。从你的错误中学习必要的经验，以便它们能够为你服务。他们为你服务的一部分是你为他们受苦。这可以为你明智地善用你的错误提供必要的信念。痛苦能激励人，但真理是更大的动力。要重视真理，你必须看到你不能没有它。在这里，痛苦可以为你服务，但只是为了教你珍惜真理。你已经犯了痛苦的错误。为了避免重蹈覆辙，你必须从这些错误中获得尽可能多的价值。

Therefore, it is wise for you to review your relationship involvements. Take each person that you have met, with whom you became seriously engaged, and see why you became involved, what attracted you, what happened in your relationship, who got blamed for the errors, how the relationship came to an end, if it has ended, what you thought you learned at that time and what you think you have learned now. This is a very good exercise and you can do this on your own. Though it may call up some painful memories for you, it will give you an overview of your participation in relationships.

因此，对你来说，回顾你所涉及的关系是明智的。把你遇到的每一个人，与之认真交往的人，看看你为什么会参与进来，是什么吸引了你，在你们的关系中发生了什么，谁因为错误而受到责备，关系是如何结束的，如果已经结束，你认为你在当时学到了什么，你认为你现在学到了什么。这是一个非常好的练习，你可以自己做这个。虽然它可能会唤起你一些痛苦的回忆，但它会让你对你参与的关系有一个大致的了解。

It is necessary for you to realize how you function in relationships. In relationships, people are always concentrating on what the other person does. But you must learn what you do, where you make your mistakes, where you are courageous, what your predispositions are, how you respond to difficulty, how you respond to loss, how you respond to success and how you respond to failure. Without becoming self-absorbed, you can gain valuable information here because you must learn something about your own tendencies in order to learn how to work with yourself. The other person in the relationship is going to have to work with you. Who are they working with? What are they working with? What do they have to deal with in you? You need to know that. You do not have to dissect yourself to find this out; it simply becomes obvious in reviewing your experiences objectively.

你有必要认识到你在关系中的功能。在人际关系中，人们总是专注于对方做什么。但你必须了解你做了什么，你在哪里犯错，你在哪里有勇气，你的倾向性是什么，你如何应对困难，如何应对损失，你如何应对成功，如何应对失败。在不变得自我陶醉的情况下，你可以在这里获得有价值的信息，因为你必须对自己的倾向性有所了解，以便学习如何与自己合作。关系中的另一个人将不得不与你一起工作。他们在与谁合作？他们在与什么合作？他们在你身上要处理什么问题？你需要知道这些。你不必剖析自己来发现这一点；在客观地回顾你的经历时，它就会变得很明显。

Many people think that they are fine and everybody else is in error. Some people think that they are in error and everyone else is fine. Either position is untenable and does not support you in being clear about what you need to know and do. Remember, you have a nature and you have a design. You are a piece of a puzzle. You want to make the best use of that. You cannot be a different piece and make yourself fit where you do not fit. You must learn to work with your design. You must learn how you function in relationships. Your past experience can teach you this.

许多人认为他们很好，其他人都在犯错。有些人认为他们有错误，其他人都很好。无论哪种立场都是站不住脚的，不能支持你清晰地知道你需要知道什么和做什么。记住，你有一个天性，你有一个设计。你是一块拼图。你要最好地善用这一点。你不能成为一块不同的拼图碎片，使自己适应你不适合的地方。你必须学会与你的设计一起工作。你必须学习你如何在关系中发挥作用。你过去的经历可以教你这一点。

If you are prone to certain kinds of involvements with others that betray your certainty in Knowledge, you must become aware of this and be prepared for it in the future. If a certain kind of person or a certain kind of behavior in a person attracts you so greatly that you cannot think clearly, you need to be aware of that. Be on guard. Do not deny that this exists. Be aware. If you are aware, you will be able to experience what you know and what you need to do.

如果你容易与他人发生某些类型的关系，背叛了你对内识的确定性，你必须意识到这一点，并在未来做好准备。如果某些人或某个人的某种行为非常吸引你，以至于你无法清晰地思考，你需要察觉到这一点。要保持警惕。不要否认这种情况的存在。要察觉。如果你察觉到了，你就能经历到你知道什么，你需要做什么。

Take inventory of your mistakes. Take inventory of those things that attract you and those things that betray your Knowledge. Take inventory of those qualities in other people and those illusions you hold about people that tend to lead you astray. Do not deny the pain of past mistakes. Allow that pain to persuade you that you need to learn certain things that are true in order to grow and to mature. This can be done completely without bitterness and without self-degradation.

盘点你的错误。盘点那些吸引你的关系和那些背叛你内识的关系。盘点其他人身上的那些品质，以及你对人持有的那些容易将你引入歧途的幻想。不要否认过去错误的痛苦。允许这种痛苦说服你，你需要学习某些真实的真理，以便成长和成熟。这完全可以做到不苦不乐，不自我贬低。

If something did not work in a previous relationship, find out why it did not work and look again to see how you could have acted more wisely. Often with past mistakes, people make conclusions for the future that are not based on real experience at all. These conclusions are simply a way to avoid pain. You can assess your past errors and learn from them, but again you must look with an open mind. You learn in the present. Whatever you derive from the past that has possible benefit must be tested in the present. You can be scientific here. You can test things out. Your ability to develop discernment in relationships is essential in your marriage, your family and your work in the world because everything you do in the world, you do through relationships.

如果在以前的关系中有些关系没有成功，找出它没有成功的原因，再看看你如何能更明智地行事。通常情况下，对于过去的错误，人们会对未来做出完全没有真实经历基础的结论。这些结论只是一种避免痛苦的方式。你可以评估你过去的错误并从中学习，但你必须再次以开放的心态看待。你在当下学习。无论你从过去得出什么有可能的好处，都必须在当下进行检验。你在这里可以是科学的。你可以对经验进行测试。你在关系中发展辨别力的能力对你的婚姻、家庭和你在世界上的工作至关重要，因为你在世界上所做的一切，都是通过关系进行的。

Assess your past and become observant in the present. Be patient and attempt to follow what you feel and what you deeply know. Honor your experience, but do not make premature conclusions. Only become sexually engaged with someone you know to be your true partner. Then sexuality will not betray your integrity. Learn about the other person before you commit yourself financially, and money will not betray your integrity. Be willing to give up someone you just met and towards whom you feel great attraction. This willingness guards you against failure and prepares you for success.

评估你的过去，并在现在成为观察者。要有耐心，并试图遵循你的感觉和你深深知道的内识。尊重你的经历，但不要过早地作出结论。只与你知道是你真实伴侣的人发生性关系。那么性行为就不会背叛你的诚信。在你作出财务承诺之前，先了解对方，金钱就不会背叛你的诚信。愿意放弃你刚认识的、对你有巨大吸引力的人。这种意愿可以防范你的失败，为你的成功做好准备。

There is always an open door for you in any situation. The past will be a benefit to you if you can use it now. Otherwise, an error is an error, a loss is a loss and wasted time is wasted time. You do not know if you have learned from an error in the past unless you can apply your learning wisely in the present. If you do not make a wise decision now, your errors in the past have not served you sufficiently and you have not learned from them sufficiently. Even terrible experiences in the past can serve you greatly if you can learn from them. Often you will need someone else to help you do this, someone whose Knowledge and experience you value.

在任何情况下，总有一扇门为你打开。如果你现在能善用它，过去将对你有好处。否则，错误就是错误，损失就是损失，浪费的时间就是浪费的时间。你不知道你是否从过去的错误中学习了，除非你能在现在明智地运用你的学习。如果你现在没有做出明智的决定，你过去的错误就没有充分为你服务，你就没有充分地从错误中学习。如果你能从中吸取教训，即使是过去的可怕经历也能为你提供很大的帮助。通常情况下，你需要别人来帮助你做这件事，一个你重视其内识和经历的人。

It is unfortunate that young people do not rely on older people here, for many older people have established a great deal of practical wisdom. It is unfortunate that young people tend to only listen to other young people and that older people only listen to older people. Older people need to give and young people need to receive. You need to be around someone who has more experience than you, who not only has made many errors but has learned from them adequately and is in a position to give with a desire to serve. This is very important.

遗憾的是，年轻人在这里不依靠老年人，因为许多老年人已经建立了大量的实践智慧。令人遗憾的是，年轻人往往只听其他年轻人的话，而老年人只听老年人的话。老年人需要给予，年轻人需要接收。你需要在一个比你更有经历的人身边，他不仅犯过很多错误，而且充分地从错误中吸取教训，并且有能力给予，有服务的愿望。这一点非常重要。

The lessons in relationship do not change. Just because you have computers and drive around in fast vehicles does not mean that the lessons of relationship have changed at all. What was true in your parents’ youth is true now. You may have many more opportunities to make errors than they did, that is all.

关系中的教训是不会改变的。仅仅因为你们有电脑和开着快车到处跑，并不意味着关系的教训有任何改变。你父母年轻时的情况现在也是如此。你可能比他们有更多的机会犯错，仅此而已。

People have lost sight of the repercussions of sexual engagement. For many people, it is too easy now. Yet that does not mean that the cost is not there. It just means that the cost is not recognized. Many individuals have been ruined by becoming sexually involved with the wrong person, because doing this is consequential. People have lost sight of this. Instead of advocating austerity, this awareness advocates simplicity, truth and love. Yet simplicity, truth and love are remote for you if all you seek are personal gratification and satisfaction.

人们已经忽略了性交往的反响。对许多人来说，现在太容易了。然而，这并不意味着成本不存在。它只是意味着人们没有认识到这一代价。许多人因为与错误的人发生性关系而被毁了，因为这样做是有后果的。人们已经忽视了这一点。这种意识不主张紧缩，而是主张简单、真实和爱。然而，如果你所追求的只是个人的喜悦和个人兴趣目标，那么简单、真理和爱对你来说是遥远的。

Life will give you what you need if you are available to receive it and if you recognize its value. You do not need to go out and rape life and take from life everything you can get your hands on. Life will yield itself to you who are worthy of life.

如果你能收到它，如果你认识到它的价值，生命就会给你你需要的关系。你不需要出去掠夺生命，从生活中获取你能得到的一切。生命会把它自己让给配得上生命的你。

Your past is a great asset, but it is not easy to learn from the past objectively. The challenge of applying the truth in the face of other expediencies remains for you in the present. Here you are always faced with instant gratification versus long-range satisfaction, and in this you must exercise wisdom, courage and patience. Instant gratification leads to long-term loss. You only need to be married once in life to the right person. Why experiment? It is better to be alone. There is a time to be alone. There is a time to take stock of yourself. Yet if you cannot do this, you have a serious problem in relationship with yourself, a problem which a relationship with another cannot solve.

你的过去是一笔巨大的财富，但要客观地从过去学习并不容易。面对其他权宜之计，运用真理的挑战对你来说仍然是在当下。在这里，你总是面临着即时的满足与长远的满足，在这一点上你必须发挥智慧、勇气和耐心。即时的满足会导致长期的损失。你一生中只需要与合适的人结婚一次。为什么要试验？最好是独处。有一个时间是孤独的。有一个时间来评估自己。然而，如果你不能做到这一点，你在与自己的关系上有一个严重的问题，这个问题是与另一个人的关系无法解决的。

It is not possible here to address every single problem that occurs within relationships, but it is necessary to draw very important distinctions. If you are without Knowledge, you are prone to all forms of error. The more you are with Knowledge, the more you become safe from error. That is why Knowledge is your salvation. That is why Knowledge is the source of your redemption, your empowerment and your contribution. That is why Knowledge is the basis for all meaningful relationships with others. You have the opportunity to learn The Way of Knowledge, which you can do at this moment. Regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not, regardless of where you are in the world and regardless of what you are doing, becoming a student of Knowledge is available to you now.

这里不可能解决关系中出现的每一个问题，但有必要做出非常重要的区分。如果你没有内识，你就很容易出现各种形式的错误。你越是拥有内识，你就越是能远离错误。这就是为什么内识是你的救赎。这就是为什么内识是你的救赎、你的能力和你的贡献的来源。这就是为什么内识是所有与他人有意义关系的基础。你有机会学习内识之路，此刻你就可以这样做。无论你是否处于关系中，无论你在世界何处，无论你在做什么，现在就可以成为内识的学生。

If you have learned from your past adequately, you will see how necessary Knowledge is for you now. The only thing that error can really teach you is to value Knowledge. Error occurred because you denied, ignored or were not aware of your Knowledge. Whatever has happened to you in the past—whatever difficulty you have undergone, whatever loss you have endured and whatever challenge you have failed—will bring you to Knowledge if perceived correctly. Here the value of Knowledge will have an opportunity to demonstrate itself to you. For failure shows the need for success and success is its own validation.

如果你已经从过去充分学习了，你会看到内识对你现在是多么必要。错误真正能教给你的唯一经验是重视内识。错误的发生是因为你否认、忽视或没有意识到你的内识。无论过去在你身上发生了什么——无论你经历了什么困难，无论你承受了什么损失，无论你遭遇了什么挑战，如果能正确感知，都会把你带到内识面前。在这里，内识的价值将有机会向你展示自己。因为失败显示了对成功的需求，而成功则是对它自身的验证。

How many relationships do you need?
你需要多少种关系？

You will need to build a supportive network of people. One relationship will not be enough. You will need more people to help you. As you advance into the higher stages of development, you will need to establish a firm core of supportive individuals. This is essential. You will be amazed at how much you can receive from this core of people and how everyone will benefit as a result of your receiving and giving the gifts of Knowledge. Then you will become strong enough to serve those who are weaker than you, those who are often more committed to their weakness than to their own strength.

你将需要建立一个支持性的人际网络。一个关系将是不够的。你将需要更多的人帮助你。随着你进入更高的发展阶段，你将需要建立一个坚定的支持性的核心人物。这一点至关重要。你会惊奇地发现，你能从这个核心人物那里得到多少礼物，每个人都会因为你正在接收和给予内识的礼物而受益。然后你将变得足够强大，可以为那些比你弱小的人服务，那些人往往对自己的弱点比对自己的力量更执着。

Here it is necessary to talk about the development of individual power. Power in the world is proportional to the concentration of a person’s mind in action. Here the person who is committed to his or her weakness, sense of littleness or addiction can be far stronger than someone who has a weak or partial commitment to the truth and therefore will have a greater influence over them. This is because power is proportional to the concentration of mind in action.

这里有必要谈一下个人力量的发展。世界上的力量与一个人的心灵在行动中的集中程度成正比。在这里，致力于自己的弱点、卑微感或上瘾的人，会比对真理承诺不力或部分承诺的人强大得多，因此会对他们产生更大的影响。这是因为力量与行动中的心灵集中度成正比。

Those who are beginning to become strong need strong individuals to help them because they are not yet strong enough to combat the commitment to weakness which they will encounter in the world. That is why a person in relationship with you who does not share your commitment to becoming strong can seriously weaken you and even destroy your possibility of success, even if they have good intentions. There is no moral prerogative here. This is simply a fact. This requires that you become strong in Knowledge, for the stronger you become, the greater your influence. The greater your influence, the greater the good that can come through you for the world. The stronger you are in Knowledge, the less you will be weakened by those who share a different commitment or who oppose you in any way. This is wisdom. You can love a weak person at a distance. But if you allow yourself to become intimately engaged with them, they can seriously undermine you. To prevent this, your commitment to the truth must be strong. For you to develop this commitment, you will need a supportive network of people.

那些开始变得强大的人需要强大的人帮助他们，因为他们还没有强大到足以对抗他们在世界中会遇到的对软弱的承诺。这就是为什么与你有关系的人，如果不同意你成为强者的承诺，会严重削弱你，甚至破坏你成功的可能性，即使他们有良好的意图。这里没有道德上的特权。这只是一个事实。这要求你在内识方面变得强大，因为你变得越强大，你的影响力就越大。你的影响力越大，通过你为世界带来的益处就越大。你在内识中越强大，你就越不会被那些有不同承诺或以任何方式反对你的人削弱。这就是智慧。你可以远远地爱一个软弱的人。但如果你允许自己与他们亲密接触，他们会严重破坏你。为了防止这种情况，你对真理的承诺必须是坚定的。为了发展这种承诺，你将需要一个支持性的人际网络。

This will happen naturally. However, you must learn to be discerning because many people will be attracted to you. The weak are often attracted to the strong, not with the intention of supporting them, but with the intention of using their power. How many rulers of countries have been usurped by a weak or cunning advisor? The pure and strong are always followed by the weak and the cunning. This is a fact of life and will always occur. That is why the strong must become discerning and wise concerning their interaction with others. That is why the strong must surround themselves with the strong, with whom they can become united.

这将会自然发生。然而，你必须学会辨别，因为许多人将被你所吸引。弱者往往被强者所吸引，不是为了支持他们，而是为了利用他们的力量。有多少国家的统治者被一个软弱或狡猾的顾问所篡夺？纯洁和强大的人总是被软弱和狡猾的人追随。这是生活中的一个事实，而且会一直发生。这就是为什么强者必须在与他人的交往中变得明察秋毫，充满智慧。这就是为什么强者必须与强者为伍，与他们团结一致。

A small group of committed individuals has great power in the world and can accomplish things of great benefit and substance. In fact, all things of great benefit and substance were started by small groups of committed individuals who were an overall asset to one another’s development.

一小群有奉献精神的人在这个世界上有很大的力量，可以完成有巨大利益和意义的事情。事实上，所有具有巨大利益和实质意义的事情都是由一小群坚定的个人开始的，他们对彼此的发展是一种整体资产。

Likewise, those individuals who have not been able to produce anything of value and benefit for the world were also surrounded by individuals who shared their weakness and reinforced it. This is why it is such a great challenge for the weak to enter into a life of strength and certainty in purpose. In most cases, they must relinquish their former relationships and influences. Sometimes this severance needs to be complete, for they need to be in a positive learning environment with relationships that nurture them and support their incentive for the truth.

同样，那些未能为世界产生任何有价值和有益关系的个人，其周围也有分享其弱点并加强其弱点的人。这就是为什么对弱者来说，进入有力量和确定目标的生活是如此巨大的挑战。在大多数情况下，他们必须放弃以前的关系和影响。有时这种割舍需要彻底，因为他们需要在一个积极的学习环境中，与培养他们并支持他们对真理的激励的关系。

In this way, the strong can become stronger and the weak can become served so that they too can become stronger. Anyone who is strong was nurtured by someone who was strong. Anyone who was once weak and then became strong was raised up by the strength of those who served them. Part of God’s Plan is to renew the strength of all who have been separated and who continue to live in the isolation of their own imagination. This is done through meaningful relationships and through the discovery and reclamation of Knowledge within each person.

通过这种方式，强者可以变得更强，弱者可以得到服务，这样他们也可以变得更强。任何强大的人都是由强大的人培养出来的。任何曾经软弱然后变得强大的人都是被服侍他们的人的力量提升起来的。上帝计划的一部分是更新所有被分离的人和继续生活在他们自己想象的孤立状态中的人的力量。这是通过有意义的关系和通过在每个人体内发现和重新获得内识来实现的。

Very few individuals are strong with Knowledge in the world. That is why your Inner Teachers are here. They abide with you. Here you have a relationship that is strong enough to nurture your emerging commitment to the truth and your beginning experience of Knowledge. However, many of the relationships that you have around you will not support this and will encourage your efforts in another direction.

在这个世界上，只有极少数人拥有强大的内识。这就是为什么你的内在老师在这里。他们与你同在。在这里，你有一种足够强大的关系来培养你对真理的新兴承诺和你对内识的开始经历。然而，你周围的许多关系不会支持这一点，会鼓励你向另一个方向努力。

There are people in the world who are actually committed to evil, but most people are simply influenced by it and do not know any better. The man or woman of Knowledge must then become aware of the presence and power of evil and guard against this within their own lives. As a result, they may appear to be aloof and unloving, even unapproachable. This is merely an appearance, however, for they are preserving their life force, attempting to unite with those who can enhance it for the purpose of contribution. That is why advancing students of Knowledge must undergo a preparation that the average person would not consider and perhaps would not even see the value of undertaking. The student must become substantial and strong with Knowledge while learning to be objective and discerning with the world. This is particularly important in the area of relationships, where the most serious mistakes are made.

世界上有些人实际上是致力于邪恶的，但大多数人只是受其影响而不知道更好。因此，有内识的男人或女人必须意识到邪恶的存在和力量，并在自己的生活中防范这一点。因此，他们可能看起来很冷漠，没有爱心，甚至无法接近。然而，这只是一种表象，因为他们正在保存自己的生命力，试图与那些能够增强生命力的人结合，以达到贡献的目的。这就是为什么进步的内识学生必须经过一般人不会考虑的准备，也许甚至不会看到承担的价值。学生必须在内识方面变得充实和强大，同时学会对世界保持客观和辨别力。这一点在人际关系领域尤其重要，因为在这一领域会犯最严重的错误。

How should you view romance?
你应该如何看待恋情？

The greatest addiction in the world is the addiction to personal romance. This is the strongest and most engaging addiction because it is the closest to the truth. Because it deals with relationships and aims at some form of personal surrender to the beloved, it mimics the truth much more closely than other forms of addiction. This makes it more alluring and more difficult to recognize, for it masquerades as true relationship, and yet it produces an entirely different result.

世界上最大的瘾是对个人恋情的上瘾。这是最强烈和最吸引人的瘾，因为它最接近事实。因为它处理的是关系，目的是以某种形式向心爱的人投降，所以它比其他形式的成瘾更紧密地模仿了真理。这使它更有诱惑力，也更难识别，因为它伪装成真实的关系，但它产生的结果却完全不同。

Commitment to personal romance is the commitment to stay in fantasy about another and to use the other person to support your fantasy about yourself. If either of you in this relationship awakened, it would threaten the relationship itself. That is why in relationships of this nature, it will be rare that either you or the other person will have any idea that you are living in fantasy. Nor will you be motivated to question your relationship objectively unless it is failing your expectations. The attachment to these bonds can be feverish. Yet only disappointment can show you that another possibility is offered. The commitment to personal romance is not a commitment to relationship. In fact, it is a commitment to stay out of relationship. It is a commitment to maintain your idea of another person and to have them fulfill this idea.

对个人浪漫的承诺是对另一个人保持幻想的承诺，并利用对方来支持你对自己的幻想。如果你们在这种关系中的任何一方觉醒了，就会威胁到这种关系本身。这就是为什么在这种性质的关系中，你和对方都很少会知道你是生活在幻想中。你也不会有动力去客观地质疑你们的关系，除非它辜负了你的期望。对这些纽带的依恋可能是狂热的。然而，只有失望才能让你知道有另一种可能性。对个人浪漫的承诺不是对关系的承诺。事实上，它是一个远离关系的承诺。它是对保持你对另一个人的想法并让他们实现这一想法的承诺。

How can this be called relationship? A real relationship is where you relate to another person and experience another person’s reality. In romance, you relate to your ideas about the other person. You actually are not even in relationship with the other person. They are merely being used as a way to stimulate your imagination. Usually only their physical appearance or some aspect of their personality can do this. Here you become mesmerized by the other person and you try and make sure that the other person is mesmerized by you as well. Here there is no commitment to recognize the other as a real person. What you do not like in that person you will attempt to overlook, lessen or negate. And what you love you will attempt to inflate and magnify.

这怎么能称为关系呢？真正的关系是你与另一个人发生关系并经历另一个人的现实。在浪漫中，你与自己对另一个人的想法有关。你实际上甚至没有与对方建立关系。他们只是被用作刺激你想象力的一种方式。通常只有他们的身体外观或他们个体性的某些方面可以做到这一点。在这里，你被对方迷住了，你试图确保对方也对你着迷。这里没有承诺要承认对方是一个真正的人。你不喜欢那个人的地方，你会试图忽略、减少或否定。而你所爱的，你将试图膨胀和放大。

Relationships like this are very difficult to maintain. They require constant stimulation and constant excitement. They are the things that movies are made of. Yet such relationships have great difficulty surviving in the world because they cannot meet the real demands of life and very little can be contributed through them. Their participants will cling to each with great devotion and will be terribly angry and disappointed when the relationship fails, which it ultimately will. So deep can be their resentment and disappointment that it can breed severe hatred towards others and even hatred towards life itself. But what is this hatred but failed idealism? It is hostility against the failure of an imagined dream.

像这样的关系是很难维持的。它们需要不断的刺激和不断的兴奋。它们是电影中的产物。然而，这样的关系很难在世界范围内生存，因为它们不能满足生命的真正需求，而且通过它们可以贡献的礼物很少。他们的参与者会非常虔诚地依附于每个人，当关系失败时，他们会非常愤怒和失望，而这种关系最终会失败。他们的怨恨和失望会如此之深，以至于会滋生对他人的严重仇恨，甚至是对生命本身的仇恨。但这种仇恨是什么，是失败的理想主义？它是对一个想象中的梦想的失败的敌意。

Real relationships are established, maintained and matured through real activities in the world. Here the relationship is more a means than an end in and of itself. Here participation, contribution and accomplishment are the essence of your being together. Intimacy naturally arises here because it is naturally stimulated. It is the result of fulfilling your mission together in life and not the result of projecting fanciful ideas upon one another.

真正的关系是通过世界上的真实活动建立、维持和成熟的。在这里，关系更多是一种方式，而不是目的本身。在这里，参与、贡献和成就是你们在一起的本质。亲密关系在这里自然产生，因为它被自然地刺激。它是你们共同完成生命使命的结果，而不是把幻想投射到对方身上的结果。

To escape the addiction of romance, one must be with real people with real goals. This creates a contrast between what is imagined and what is real. Here what is imagined is seen as weak and pathetic, offering no hope of success but only continued frustration, confusion and disappointment. Within a genuine relationship there is natural enjoyment because being together is nurturing, challenging and satisfying. To be with this person, you do not need to pretend to be something other than what you are, and they do not need to pretend to be anything other than what they are to be with you. You do not need to perform for one another. The more free you are with one another, the greater the experience of love. This is the environment for true union.

为了摆脱对浪漫的沉迷，人们必须与有真实目标的人在一起。这与想象中的关系和现实中的关系之间形成了对比。在这里，想象中的关系被看作是软弱和可悲的，没有成功的希望，只有持续的挫折、困惑和失望。在一个真正的关系中，有自然的享受，因为在一起是滋养、挑战和满足的。为了和这个人在一起，你不需要假装自己是什么，他们也不需要假装自己是什么来和你在一起。你们不需要为对方表演。你们彼此之间越自由，爱的经历就越大。这就是真实结合的环境。

No union is possible in a relationship that is based upon romance alone. The happiness and pleasures of such a relationship are momentary and fleeting and are constantly being eroded by the challenges of life. Time will destroy the incentive for romance because your partner will lose his or her allure, and disappointment will begin to cast its shadow upon you.

在一个仅仅基于浪漫的关系中，不可能有结合。这种关系的幸福和快乐是短暂的，转瞬即逝的，并不断被生活的挑战所侵蚀。时间会摧毁对浪漫的激励，因为你的伴侣会失去他或她的诱惑力，失望会开始在你身上投下阴影。

So much romance, so little relationship; so much hope and expectation, so much disappointment. In romance, life is nothing but a rude awakening—something to be avoided and something to be delayed. Here you attempt ever more feverishly to keep the stimulation alive, to keep the fun and the excitement going, for there is no other basis for being together. Each person is always secretly afraid that they will be rejected, that their partner will lose interest in them and that someone more exciting, more alluring and more unusual will come along.

那么多的浪漫，那么少的关系；那么多的希望和期待，那么多的失望。在浪漫中，生命只不过是一个粗暴的觉醒——要避免的内识和要推迟的内识。在这里，你更加狂热地试图保持刺激，保持乐趣和兴奋，因为没有其他在一起的基础。每个人总是暗自担心他们会被拒绝，担心他们的伴侣会对他们失去兴趣，担心会有更刺激、更诱人、更不寻常的人出现。

It is understandable to see relationships of this kind in adolescence. But it is tragic to see them in adulthood, for here their effect is truly destructive. Even in adolescence, there is a great deal of pain and suffering that result from these engagements, for people are chosen for what they appear to be, not for who they are. The greatest threat to romance is genuine communication, genuine openness and genuine intimacy, for here you find out who the other person is. Usually this is what dispels fantasy. It is possible on rare occasions that a romance may become a real relationship, but this is often the exception.

在青春期看到这种关系是可以理解的。但在成年后看到它们是悲剧性的，因为在这里它们的影响是真正的破坏性。即使在青春期，这些参与也会带来大量的痛苦和折磨，因为人们被选择是为了他们的外表，而不是为了他们是谁。对浪漫的最大威胁是真正的沟通，真正的开放和真正的亲密，因为在这里你发现了对方是谁。通常这就是消除幻想的原因。在极少数情况下，浪漫有可能成为一种真正的关系，但这往往是例外。

Romance is truly wasteful. It ignores and wastes all the true offerings of a genuine relationship. It engenders an enormous expense of personal energy, time, financial resources and so forth. How much must you spend upon yourself to be attractive, to be alluring and to be exciting? How isolating this is for you. Even if others are seduced into wanting your image of yourself, they will not know you and in many cases will not want to know you. Often the beautiful exciting people are very isolated and alone. They have gained all their power and influence from their appearance and are poor as a result. How tragic it is to be so engaged with others and yet so unknown, to be so idolized and yet so unrecognized. How deceiving this is.

浪漫是真正的浪费。它忽视和浪费了真正关系的所有真实的奉献。它造成了个人能量、时间、财政资源等方面的巨大支出。你必须在自己身上花多少钱才能有吸引力，才能有诱惑力，才能让人兴奋？这对你来说是多么的孤立。即使别人被引诱着想要你的形象，他们也不会知道你，在很多情况下也不会想知道你。通常情况下，美丽且激动人心的人是非常孤立和孤独的。他们从自己的外表中获得了所有的力量和影响，并因此而变得贫穷。如此与他人交往却不为人知，如此被视为偶像却不被承认，这是多么可悲的关系。这是多大的欺骗。

Be prepared then to recognize the difference between romance and relationship. And remember, in true relationship there is natural enjoyment, which is in itself very romantic, but which poses no alternative to genuine relationship. For genuine relationship is both work and play, challenge and relaxation, in proper order and alignment. It is based upon real people in real situations doing real things. It is not an attempt to escape from life.

那么就准备好识别浪漫和关系之间的区别吧。记住，在真实的关系中，有自然的享受，这本身是非常浪漫的，但它对真实的关系没有替代作用。因为真正的关系既是工作又是游戏，既是挑战又是放松，有适当的顺序和排列。它是基于真实的人在真实的环境中做真实的事情。它不是逃避生命的尝试。

If you are seeking to participate in a meaningful relationship, this requires a certain objectivity on your part. You will feel the power of allurement—a wonderful gesture, a beautiful face, a person’s wealth or a pleasurable aspect of their personality. You may imagine who they might be and what they might give to you and so forth. However, Knowledge within you will never be persuaded by such a weak and momentary stimulation. If you abide with Knowledge, you will not be fooled and will have an opportunity to see the real person behind the facade. This is done without condemnation, for there is no condemnation in Knowledge. You will find that those who seem so exotic and beautiful, those who always seem to have partners in life, are in most cases extremely isolated and lonely—unknown by others, unknown to themselves and identified with that which is temporary and fading. This will give you a whole different perspective on success and failure in relationships.

如果你正在寻求参与一个有意义的关系，这需要你有某种客观性。你会感受到诱惑的力量——一个美妙的身姿，一张美丽的脸庞，一个人的财富或他们个性中令人愉悦的一面。你可能想象他们可能是谁，他们可能给你什么等等。然而，你内心的内识永远不会被这种微弱和短暂的刺激所说服。如果你遵守内识，你就不会被愚弄，并有机会看到表面背后的真实人物。这样做是没有谴责的，因为内识中没有谴责。你会发现，那些看起来如此具有异国情调和美丽的人，那些看起来总是有生活伙伴的人，在大多数情况下是极其孤立和孤独的——不为他人所知，不为自己所知，被暂时和消逝的关系所认同。这将使你对关系中的成功和失败有一个完全不同的看法。

Those who seem to win will lose with time, and those who seemed unloved at first can show the best promise of finding lasting relationships. There is no revenge here. It is simply the result of investing in that which is genuine, lasting and purposeful, as opposed to investing in that which is momentary and stimulating. Do not be discouraged by what you see around you. You will see romance creating and destroying itself. Do not think that this is relationship. Yet even in romance, people are trying to reach each other; they just do not know how. They are trying to win each other’s approval based upon appearances, which in reality provide very little.

那些看似胜利的人将随着时间的推移而失去，而那些一开始看似不被爱的人可以显示出找到持久关系的最佳前景。这里没有报复的成分。这只是投资于那些真正的、持久的和有目的关系的结果，而不是投资于那些一时的和刺激的关系。不要对你周围的情况感到气馁。你会看到浪漫在创造和毁灭自己。不要认为这就是关系。然而，即使在浪漫中，人们也在试图接触对方；他们只是不知道如何接触。他们试图在表面上赢得对方的认可，而实际上提供的承认却很少。

The greatest gifts you have to give in a relationship are Knowledge and wisdom. Then whoever associates with you will benefit. If you choose wisely, you will benefit as well. Here Knowledge and wisdom only increase with time, and their expression grows with each new circumstance. Thus, the rich become richer in Knowledge. The poor become poorer unless they turn to Knowledge. For what is the alternative to Knowledge but fantasy? And how can fantasy exist in a world that does not support it?

在一段关系中，你要给予的最大礼物是内识和智慧。那么，与你交往的人就会受益。如果你明智地选择，你也会受益。在这里，内识和智慧只会随着时间的推移而增加，它们的表达也会随着每个新情况的出现而增长。因此，富有者在内识上变得更加富有。贫穷者则除非求助于内识，否则会变得更加贫穷。因为除了内识，还有什么选择？那就是幻想。而在一个不支持幻想的世界里，幻想又能存在多久呢？

These distinctions must be made. As they are made, you will feel increasingly confident that genuine relationship exists for you and is necessary for the world. You will feel increasingly free of those seductions which have only hurt you and all who are seduced by them. Here you will see that your body, your sexuality and your self-expression have an entirely different emphasis and value. Then your need for self-development will become evident and you will value your past errors for what they can show you. You will value your current circumstances for the opportunity they give you to establish what you have learned.

必须做出这些区分。当它们被做出时，你会感到越来越有信心，真正的关系对你来说是存在的，对世界来说是必要的。你将越来越感觉到摆脱那些只会伤害你和所有被它们诱惑的人的诱惑。在这里，你将看到你的身体、你的性行为和你的自我表达有一个完全不同的重点和价值。然后，你对自我发展的需求将变得明显，你将重视你过去的错误，因为它们能给你带来什么。你将重视你目前的情况，因为它们给你机会建立你所学到的内识。

You are already in relationship with people, so everything that is being presented here is relevant to you now. You do not need to wait for a relationship to come along, for you are already in relationship with people and can learn from them. If you are not yet married, you are preparing for true marriage. If you are not yet in a primary relationship, you are preparing for a primary relationship, and your preparation is essential for your success.

你已经在与人交往，所以这里所介绍的一切都与你现在有关。你不需要等待一段关系的出现，因为你已经在与人发生关系，可以从他们身上学习。如果你还没有结婚，你正在为真实的婚姻做准备。如果你还没有建立主要关系，你就在为主要关系做准备，你的准备对你的成功至关重要。

Many people ask, “What is real love?” Real love may ignite a relationship, but in truth it will be the result of a relationship. A real relationship will produce real love. An unreal relationship will not.

许多人问：”什么是真正的爱？” 真正的爱可能会点燃一种关系，但事实上它将是一种关系的结果。一段真正的关系将产生真正的爱。一段不真实的关系却不会。

Many people have experienced disillusionment with love to some degree. Many people have tasted the unreal, have seen the fire of romance burn and then die out and have seen the fever of attraction turn cold. Many people have had the experience of being severely disappointed by finding out that their relationship was not at all what they expected it to be. Some people have been seriously injured by this and have been, to a certain degree, crippled by it. Yet the path to Knowledge begins with disappointment. It begins by saying, “There must be something else. There must be something greater. There must be something more genuine.”

许多人都在某种程度上经历过爱情的幻灭。许多人都尝过不真实的滋味，看见浪漫之火燃烧，然后熄灭，看见吸引力的热度变冷。许多人都有过这样的经历：发现他们的关系根本不是他们所期望的那样，从而感到严重的失望。有些人因此受到了严重的伤害，并在一定程度上被其削弱。然而，通往内识的道路是从失望开始的。它开始于说：”一定有别的关系。一定有更大的关系。必须有更真实的关系”。

Humanity is held together and advanced by its meaningful relationships. The health of the entire human race at any given moment can be assessed in terms of the existence of these relationships. That is why they are so important. They are important not only for those involved, but for humanity at large. From a wholesome loving family to the work of people united in supporting the world’s evolution and development, meaningful relationships are the very essence of humanity’s success.

人类是由其有意义的关系维系和推进的。在任何特定时刻，整个人类的健康状况都可以根据这些关系的存在来评估。这就是为什么它们如此重要。它们不仅对参与其中的人，而且对整个人类都很重要。从一个健康的爱的家庭到人们联合起来支持世界的进化和发展的工作，有意义的关系是人类成功的本质。

Many alliances that masquerade as relationships are not real relationships. A real relationship must be tested in time. It must have a real beginning and a meaningful existence, and through this it will demonstrate its depth and its ability. The more real your life is and the more aligned it is with what you know and how you experience yourself, the better opportunity you will have to experience genuine relationships with others. Then you will not be deceiving others and you will not be deceived in return. Then you will feel safe and you will feel loved.

许多伪装成关系的联盟并不是真正的关系。一个真正的关系必须经过时间的考验。它必须有一个真正的开始和一个有意义的存在，通过这一点，它将展示它的深度和能力。你的生命越是真实，越是与你所知道的和你如何经历自己保持一致，你就越有机会经历与他人的真正关系。那么你就不会欺骗别人，你也不会反过来被欺骗。然后你会感到安全，你会感到被爱。

Without safety, there is no trust; without trust, there is no love. This is why excitement alone is ultimately so terribly disappointing. It has no foundation. There is nothing there to trust. It offers no reprieve from performance, and so it is very tiring. It breeds resentment because you must be something other than yourself to be in the relationship. It ends in disappointment because someone will be rejected.

没有安全，就没有信任；没有信任，就没有爱。这就是为什么单靠兴奋最终如此令人失望。它没有基础。这里没有任何基础可以信任。它没有提供对表现的缓和，所以它非常累人。它滋生怨恨，因为你必须成为你自己以外的人才能在这段关系中存在。它以失望告终，因为有人会被拒绝。

What is a real relationship?
什么是真正的关系？

A relationship motivated by Knowledge will be real. But its reality must be established over time. It must mature. When you enter the church and you make your wedding vows, it is only the beginning of building a real marriage. The relationship has not been fully established yet. This takes time. In retrospect, you will know if it is real. Yet at the outset, what is unreal can be seen and must be seen.

以内识为动力的关系将是真正的关系。但它的真实性必须随着时间的推移而建立。它必须成熟。当你进入教堂，并许下你的婚礼誓言时，这只是建立真正婚姻的开始。这种关系还没有完全建立起来。这需要时间。回过头来，你会知道它是否真实。然而在一开始，不真实的关系是可以看到的，而且必须看到。

A relationship is a vehicle to carry you forward in life. It is real if it can do this. Here you must have a real beginning. You have a real beginning when you have the right criteria, adequate compatibility and shared spiritual values. It is important to have the right beginning. Whether or not your relationship will remain real depends upon your participation together. Your relationship will need your support, but it cannot survive if it does not have the necessary components. These must be discovered, especially at the outset. That is why in establishing a relationship, it is usually wise to move forward slowly.

一段关系是承载你在生命中前进的方式。如果它能做到这一点，它就是真实的。在这里，你必须有一个真正的开始。当你有正确的标准、充分的兼容性和共同的精神价值时，你就有了一个真正的开始。有一个正确的开始是很重要的。你们的关系是否会保持真实，取决于你们的共同参与。你们的关系将需要你们的支持，但如果没有必要的组成部分，它就无法生存。这些必须被发现，特别是在开始的时候。这就是为什么在建立一种关系时，通常是明智的做法是慢慢地向前推进。

How will you know if a relationship will last? Well, you may not be able to. You will only know if a relationship can begin. Here you begin the relationship realizing that it may have great promise to last, but it has not yet gone through the process of life. If your relationship is based upon romance, you can be sure it will fail you, and you can see this because it is inevitable. However, given the possibility for true engagement, you can only have a real beginning and the prospect of a real continuation. Yet that will be enough to set you on the path.

你如何知道一段关系是否会持久？嗯，也许你无法确定。你只能知道一段关系是否能够开始。在这里，你开始这段关系时意识到它可能有很大的持久潜力，但它还没有经历生命的考验。如果你的关系是建立在浪漫的基础上，你可以肯定它会让你失败，你可以看到这一点，因为这是不可避免的。然而，鉴于真正参与的可能性，你只能有一个真正的开始和真正延续的前景。然而，这将足以让你走上这条路。