第十四章：完成关系

Chapter 14: Completing Relationships

Completing Relationships: When is a Relationship Over?
完成关系：一个关系何时结束？

As revealed to to God’s Messenger Marshall Vian Summers on January 1, 1989 in Albany, NY
1989年1月1日在纽约州奥尔巴尼向上帝的信使马歇尔・维安・萨默斯透露的内容

Are all primary relationships meant to last?
所有的主要关系都是要持续的吗？

The answer is yes. Though the form may change, once a primary relationship is established, it will continue to last forever. That is why these relationships are so important. Once a certain threshold has been crossed together, you have reached a place of permanence in relationship. The form will change. Perhaps you will not be able to be together past a certain point, but you will still be in relationship.

答案是肯定的。虽然形式可能会改变，但一旦建立了主要关系，它就会永远持续下去。这就是为什么这些关系是如此重要。一旦一起跨过了某个门槛，你们的关系就达到了一个永恒的地方。形式会发生变化。也许你们将无法在一起超过某个点，但你们仍将保持关系。

Think about this. How can you not be related to someone you were married to before? You may not be able to participate any further, but the seed of participation is still there. Participation as a worldly expression of relationships has limits, except in rare cases where people mate for life. Here, if people have sufficient compatibility and motivation for growth and contribution, their relationship continues onward beyond the physical reality. These people will carry their marriage beyond this world. They will become united beyond this world.

想一想这个。你怎么能不和以前结婚的人有关系呢？你可能无法进一步参与，但参与的种子仍在那里。参与作为关系的世俗表达方式是有限制的，除了在人们终身交配的罕见情况下。在这里，如果人们有足够的兼容性和成长与贡献的动力，他们的关系就会在物理现实之外继续向前发展。这些人将把他们的婚姻带到这个世界之外。他们的结合将超越这个世界。

If a primary relationship does not possess this degree of compatibility and cannot have this degree of success, then the other person will continue to be in your network of relationships while you are in the world. If you think about this, you will understand what is being said here. If you are in a primary relationship and it has reached a certain threshold, you will know you are in relationship with that person ongoing. Perhaps you can no longer participate together. The growth of your relationship had a certain ending point. Yet can you say, “No, I am not in relationship with this person. I do not know that person”? You cannot say that.

如果一个主要的关系不具备这种程度的兼容性，不能有这种程度的成功，那么对方将继续在你的关系网络中，而你在这个世界上。如果你想一想，你就会明白这里说的是什么。如果你在一个主要的关系中，并且已经达到了一定的门槛，你就会知道你与这个人的关系正在持续。也许你们不能再一起参与。你们关系的成长有一定的结束点。然而你能说：”不，我没有和这个人发生关系。我不知道这个人”？你不能这么说。

The greater the compatibility, the greater the desire for spiritual growth and the greater the desire for contribution, the further you can go with another in relationship. The further you go, the more you will discover. Very few people ever get very far in relationship because they rarely get very far in life. Your experience of relationship is commensurate to your experience of life. If you have very limited goals in life and very limited motivation, do not expect your relationship to exceed these.

兼容性越强，对精神上成长的渴望越大，对贡献的渴望越大，你就能与另一个人在关系中走得越远。你走得越远，你会发现越多。很少有人在关系中走得很远，因为他们在生命中很少走得很远。你对关系的经历与你对生命的经历是相称的。如果你有非常有限的生活目标和非常有限的动机，不要期望你的关系能超过这些目标。

Your emphasis in relationship must be the recognition and the utilization of your compatibility. You do not know how long your relationship will last. If you show great promise together, perhaps you think it will last forever. This is possible. Yet you must deal with what is here now. Participation is immediate. If you want to stay in relationship, then do today what will support that possibility in the future. It is what you do today, what you receive today and what you have today that is important. Nothing is lost and everything is gained if you are being honest regarding your motivation and engagements with others.

你在关系中的重点必须是识别和善用你的兼容性。你不知道你们的关系会持续多久。如果你们在一起表现出很大的希望，也许你认为它将永远持续下去。这是有可能的。然而，你必须处理好现在的事情。参与是即时的。如果你想保持关系，那么今天就做能在未来支持这种可能性的事情。你今天所做的，你今天所接受的，你今天所拥有的，才是重要的。如果你对你的动机和与他人的约定是诚实的，就不会有任何损失，一切都会得到。

Many relationships cannot go far, but they still provide meaning if this is their emphasis. Some relationships are very wasteful. They were misappropriated at the outset. Yet any relationship where spiritual growth was advanced, where contribution to the world was extended and where union was created will have permanent results. That is why relationship is your contribution to the world.

许多关系不能走远，但如果这是它们的重点，它们仍然提供意义。有些关系是非常浪费的。它们一开始就被挪用了。然而，任何推进精神上的成长、扩大对世界的贡献和创造结合的关系都会有永久的结果。这就是为什么关系是你对世界的贡献。

What you accomplish in your relationships and what you give others to accomplish in their relationships represents the very essence of contribution because this contribution has a permanent result. Its effects will continue to activate humanity. This will continue to stimulate people whom you have not even met and even people who have not yet been born. This is keeping Knowledge alive in the world, which is your purpose.

你在你的关系中所完成的，以及你给他人在他们的关系中所完成的，代表了贡献的本质，因为这种贡献有一个永久的结果。它的影响将继续激活人类。这将继续刺激那些你甚至没有见过面的人，甚至是尚未出生的人。这是保持内识在世界的活力，这是你的目的。

You can grow today spiritually because someone who came before, whom you do not know, made his or her contribution. Even regarding the home you live in and the things you own, someone made a contribution of time, energy and resources. If your life is genuinely comprehended, it is a life of gratitude. Everything you have and everything you do—your freedoms, your opportunities, even your challenges—are cause for gratitude. This must not be a false gratitude, but gratitude based upon genuine recognition.

你今天可以在精神上成长，因为之前来的人，你不认识的人，做出了他或她的贡献。甚至关于你住的房子和你拥有的东西，也有人做出了时间、能量和资源的贡献。如果你的生命被真正理解了，那就是一个充满感激的生活。你所拥有的一切和你所做的一切——你的自由，你的机会，甚至你的挑战——都是感恩的理由。这决不是虚假的感激，而是基于真正承认的感激。

Not all primary relationships will last, but what they have produced in truth and in honesty will last. That is the seed for future relationships to become initiated. Once relationships are initiated, they will continue. The very highest expression of this is a lifelong primary relationship because the value of this exceeds even your worldly existence. If the elements are all there, the commitment is there and the courage and honesty are there, this will occur. And this will be the greatest gift to humanity.

不是所有的主要关系都会持续，但它们在真理和诚实中产生的内识会持续。那是未来关系启动的种子。一旦关系被启动，它们将继续下去。这种关系的最高表现是终身的主要关系，因为它的价值甚至超过了你的世俗存在。如果所有的元素都在那里，承诺在那里，勇气和诚实在那里，这将发生。而这将是对人类最伟大的礼物。

When do you leave someone?
你什么时候离开某人？

Simply said, you leave someone when you cannot do anything more with them and you cannot function together in the world. If you are looking at relationships without sentimentality, if you are looking objectively, this is obvious. If you can do no more together, you cannot be together. You will feel complete. You will still love each other and appreciate each other. Perhaps there will be anger and resentment because of disappointment. However, the relationship is complete.

简单地说，当你不能和他做更多的事情，你们不能一起在这个世界上发挥作用时，你就会离开某人。如果你不带感情色彩地看待关系，如果你客观地看待，这是很明显的。如果你们不能再一起做什么，你们就不能在一起了。你们会感到完整性。你们仍然会爱对方，欣赏对方。也许会因为失望而产生愤怒和怨恨。然而，这段关系是完整的。

If you have a sense of purpose in life which you have identified and you experience yourself participating in it, the question of when to leave someone will become clear. This is not based upon whether you like someone or not. It is not based upon judgment of the other person at all. There is no judgment or condemnation here. It is simply that you cannot go any further together, and the attempt to go further is detrimental to both of you. The love remains. The gratitude will remain as well, once it is recognized.

如果你有一种你已经确定的生活目的感，并且你经历到自己的参与其中，那么何时离开某人的问题就会变得清晰。这并不是基于你是否喜欢某人。它根本不是基于对对方的判断。这里没有判断或谴责。只是你们不能再一起走下去了，试图走下去对你们双方都是有害的。爱依然存在。一旦认识到这一点，感激之情也会留下。

It is very difficult to leave someone based upon truth and honesty, for you must give up many of your ideals to do this. What has failed here but your idealism? The great exception to this is if your relationship has true promise and you are not meeting its requirements. How can you tell the difference? Are you leaving or quitting? Knowledge is the difference. Knowledge will tell you to leave when it is time to leave. How could you remain in a relationship if your Knowledge is taking you somewhere else?

基于真理和诚实离开某人是非常困难的，因为你必须放弃你的许多理想才能做到这一点。除了你的理想主义，这里还有什么失败了呢？最大的例外是，如果你的关系有真实的承诺，而你没有满足其要求。你怎么能分辨出其中的差别呢？你是离开还是退出？内识就是区别。内识会告诉你在该离开的时候要离开。如果你的内识把你带到别的地方，你怎么能留在一段关系之中呢？

This is entirely natural. Perhaps in leaving another, you feel like you have failed and you feel guilty because you think you are quitting. You are not sure if you are quitting or leaving. You are not sure of your motives. You are not sure of the result. And you are not sure if you are giving up something of tremendous value for the unknown. Yet with Knowledge, it will be clear. Knowledge is not burdened with your ideals, your confusion, your conflicting goals, your assessments, your attachments, your condemnation or your frustrations. That is why Knowledge is the source of your certainty and direction in life. It is the source of all your giving because it is the part of you that is an extension of God.

这是完全自然的。也许在离开另一个人时，你觉得你失败了，你感到内疚，因为你认为你在退出。你不确定你是退出还是离开。你不确定你的动机。你不确定结果。你也不确定你是否为了未知的内识而放弃了具有巨大价值的关系。然而，有了内识，它就会很清楚。内识不会被你的理想、你的困惑、你矛盾的目标、你的评估、你的执着、你的谴责或你的挫折所拖累。这就是为什么内识是你生活中的确定性和方向的来源。它是你所有奉献的来源，因为它是你的一部分，是上帝的延伸。

Knowledge is God working through you in the world. God is already in the world, but God is so still, so totally present and so infused with everything that nobody can see God. God is like the air. You feel the air when it moves, but you cannot see the air. Yet it is the source of your life here. You breathe it in every moment.

内识是上帝通过你在这个世界上工作。上帝已经在这个世界上，但上帝是如此的静止，如此的完全存在，如此的注入一切，以至于没有人能够看见上帝。上帝就像空气。当空气流动时，你能感觉到它，但你看不见空气。然而，它是你在这里的生命之源。你每时每刻都在呼吸着它。

Depend upon the invisible to work with the visible. Depend upon God to get anything done in the world. Knowledge is the invisible. Thinking and action are the visible. If thinking and action are the results of Knowledge, then that thinking and action will be imbued with wisdom, grace and purpose.

依靠无形的工作与有形的工作合作。依靠上帝来完成世界上的任何事情。内识是无形的。思考和行动是可见的。如果思考和行动是内识的结果，那么这种思考和行动将被注入智慧、恩典和目的。

You may have to leave someone you love in order to progress. You may need to stay with someone you love. You may need to find a primary relationship. The courage to find, the courage to stay, and the courage to leave are all based on Knowledge. You find relationship because you know you must. You stay in relationship because you know you must. You leave a relationship because you know you must. Though other thoughts and feelings may be deeply experienced, this must override them all. This is the power of Knowledge. This is what takes you out of confusion and ambivalence. This is what frees you from conflict of mind. This is what frees you from endless speculation, comparison and evaluation of yourself and others. This is what simplifies your life and gives you the possibility to experience peace, harmony and direction.

为了进步，你可能不得不离开你爱的人。你可能需要和你爱的人呆在一起。你可能需要找到一个主要的关系。寻找的勇气、留下的勇气和离开的勇气都是基于内识。你找到关系是因为你知道你必须这样做。你留在关系中是因为你知道你必须。你离开一段关系是因为你知道你必须。尽管其他的想法和感受可能会被深深地体验到，但这必须被超越。这就是内识的力量。这就是带你走出困惑和矛盾的原因。这就是使你从心灵的冲突中解脱出来的原因。这是使你从无休止的猜测、比较和对自己及他人的评价中解脱出来的内识。这样才能简化你的生活，让你体验到平静、和谐与方向。

It is this must that you must experience. Do not be afraid of must. Must is experiencing necessity in life. This is the source of vitality. If there is no necessity, there is no vitality. Inner conviction is born of necessity, inner necessity. Inner necessity is stimulated by outer necessity. That is why the more vital your engagement in the world, the more vital will be your experience and expression of Knowledge.

这就是你必须经历的必须。不要害怕必须。必须是在生命中经历到的必要性。这是生命力的来源。如果没有必然性，就没有活力。内心的信念是由必要性产生的，内心的必要性。内心的必要性是由外在的必要性刺激的。这就是为什么你对世界的参与越有活力，你对内识的经验和表达就越有活力。

Knowledge is called upon because it is needed. It is needed because your life is vital. If your life is not vital, then who needs Knowledge? You will simply seek comfort at all costs and failure will pursue you like a shadow. Knowledge stimulates a vital life and thrives on a vital life. And a vital life thrives on Knowledge.

内识被调用是因为它被需要。它被需要是因为你的生命是有活力的。如果你的生命没有活力，那么谁还需要内识？你会不惜一切代价寻求舒适，失败会像影子一样追赶你。内识激发了一个有活力的生命，并在一个有活力的生命中茁壮成长。而一个有活力的生命是依靠内识而兴旺起来的。

Leave someone when you can do nothing more together. If this is based on honesty, it will be an honest evaluation and will call for an honest response. However, there can be many other incentives to leave a relationship. You may leave a relationship because you are afraid to meet the challenges because you are afraid of intimacy because you are afraid to give up addictions because you are afraid to give up control over your own life because you want to preserve something you believe is good for you. All these can mock Knowledge. Yet Knowledge will prevail.

当你们无法再共同前进时，就离开对方。如果这基于诚实，那么这将是一个诚实的评估，并且需要一个诚实的回应。然而，离开一段关系可能有许多其他动机。你可能因为害怕面对挑战而离开关系，因为害怕亲密，因为害怕放弃成瘾，因为害怕放弃对自己生活的控制，因为你想保留你认为对自己有益的关系。所有这些都会嘲弄内识。然而，内识终将战胜一切。

If you deny what Knowledge advocates, you place yourself in internal jeopardy. This is what it means to be in hell. To be in hell is to live without Knowledge, which is to live without truth and honesty. Here you live with the demons of fear, and they will haunt you. Then your only escape is momentary pleasure. Your only escape is to be unconscious. This takes you deeper and deeper into addiction, deeper and deeper into fantasy and deeper and deeper into mindlessness. Here your physical life is placed in jeopardy, and you become increasingly a source of dissonance for others. This is the path away from Knowledge. This is the path away from honesty, truth and happiness.

如果你否认内识所倡导的关系，你就把自己置于内部的危险之中。这就是身处地狱的含义。下地狱就是没有内识的生活，也就是没有真理和诚实的生活。在这里，你与恐惧的魔鬼生活在一起，它们会困扰着你。那么你唯一的逃避就是一时的快乐。你唯一的逃避是无意识的。这使你越来越深地陷入成瘾，越来越深地陷入幻想，越来越深地陷入无意识。在这里，你的身体生活被置于危险之中，你越来越成为他人不和谐的来源。这就是远离内识的道路。这是一条远离诚实、真理和幸福的道路。

You need Knowledge every day, and you need it particularly in the face of difficult decisions. Leaving a primary relationship is a very difficult decision, and it may well be a very necessary one. This will require that you sift through all of the “wants” and “shoulds” and “musts” that you imagine for yourself in order to find that place of essential knowing within yourself that is Knowledge. If you have an honest and reliable network of people to help you, this will make things far easier because they will give you perspective and encouragement. If you are involved in spiritual study and have a spiritual teacher, this will help you also. Influence from these two sources can stimulate what you know beyond your preferences and your fears. Knowledge will take you beyond preference and fear, and that is why it saves you from conflict.

你每天都需要内识，在面对困难的决定时你尤其需要它。离开一段主要关系是一个非常困难的决定，而这很可能是一个非常必要的决定。这将需要你筛选出所有你为自己想象的”想要”、”应该”和”必须”，以找到自己内心深处至关重要的知道，这就是内识。如果你有一个诚实可靠的人际网络来帮助你，这将使事情容易得多，因为他们会给你观点和鼓励。如果你参与精神上的研究并有精神上的导师，这也会帮助你。来自这两个来源的影响力可以刺激你的内识超越你的偏好和你的恐惧。内识会带你超越偏好和恐惧，这就是为什么它能使你免于冲突。

The world is immersed in preference and fear. Your Knowledge lifts you above the world. You need genuine relationships to help stimulate this in you. You need encouragement and you need challenge. You become involved in a true relationship for compatibility and shared purpose. If the compatibility ceases, your purpose together ceases. Then you have no reason to stay together except to avoid loneliness and a sense of guilt or failure. This would make your being together miserable because you must face these things within yourself anyway. If your relationship is a form of escape from the truth, it will suffer all the consequences.

这个世界沉浸在偏好和恐惧之中。你的内识使你超越世界。你需要真诚的人际关系来激发你的这种能力。你需要鼓励，你需要挑战。你参与到一个真正的关系中是为了兼容和共同的目的。如果兼容性停止了，你们在一起的目的也就停止了。那么你们就没有理由留在一起，除了避免孤独和内疚或失败感。这将使你们在一起变得很痛苦，因为无论如何你们必须面对自己内心的这些痛苦。如果你们的关系是一种逃避真理的形式，它将承受所有的后果。

Do not spoil what you have learned together in a primary relationship if you are faced with the real necessity to leave. Face the difficulty in leaving; face the uncertainty in leaving. Use this time to allow Knowledge to guide and direct you. Allow yourself to leave the known and enter the unknown. Allow yourself to face your own condemnation of yourself. Knowledge will take you through everything that stands in its way, and you will emerge with Knowledge and without many of your former restraints, for they will have been cleansed away from your mind. This is purification. This is where you increasingly become an advocate and recipient of Knowledge itself. This is where you learn freedom and teach freedom. This is where you teach that which provides a genuine foundation for relationship.

如果你们真的必须离开，请不要破坏你们在主要关系中共同学到的关系。面对离开的困难；面对离开的不确定性。善用这段时间，让内识引导你和指引你。允许自己离开已知，进入未知。让自己面对自己对自己的谴责。内识将带你穿越一切阻碍，你将带着内识出现，不再有以前的束缚，因为它们已经从你的心灵中被净化掉了。这就是净化。在这里，你会逐渐成为内识它本身的倡导者和接受者。这就是你学习自由和教授自由的地方。在这里，你传授的内识为人际关系奠定了真正的基础。

Sometimes your actions cause pain for others. This can be difficult at first to deal with because people are hurting each other intentionally so often that when something happens that must happen where other people feel pain, you may initially question yourself: “Am I causing this intentionally? Am I doing the right thing?” You do not want to cause pain in someone you love. Here it is necessary to come back to Knowledge. Knowledge navigates through all these difficult challenges, all these difficult turns, all these difficult obstructions and all this confusion of mind. If you are with Knowledge, you follow the way through the maze of human complexity.

有时你的行为会给他人带来痛苦。这在一开始可能很难处理，因为人们经常故意伤害对方，以至于当一些必须发生的事情让他人感到痛苦时，你最初可能会质疑自己。”我是故意造成这种情况的吗？我做得对吗？”你不想给你爱的人造成痛苦。在这里，有必要回到内识上来。内识会引领你穿越所有这些艰难的挑战、所有这些艰难的转折、所有这些艰难的阻碍和所有这些心灵的困惑。如果你和内识在一起，你就会沿着这条道路穿过人类复杂的迷宫。

If you must leave, do it and find the most constructive way to express this to your partner. Then you must leave. Here you face your own internal and external adversity. You can do this with strength because you are with Knowledge.

如果你必须离开，就去做，并找到最有建设性的方式来向你的伙伴表达。然后你必须离开。在这里，你要面对你自己的内部和外部逆境。你可以有力地做到这一点，因为你和内识在一起。

Knowledge takes you into relationship, maintains your relationship and in some cases takes you out of relationship, without condemnation and without judgment. Everything that is honest and valuable in your outer life confirms this. Knowledge will usually not take you out of a relationship in one day. Your relationship will decline slowly, and one day you will realize that you must leave for your well-being and for the well-being of your partner. Serving your greater well-being and their greater well-being will justify the discomfort involved.

内识带你进入关系，维持你的关系，在某些情况下带你离开关系，没有谴责，没有判断。在你的外部生活中，一切诚实和有价值的关系都证实了这一点。内识通常不会在一天内把你从关系中带出来。你的关系会慢慢衰退，有一天你会意识到，为了你的幸福和你伴侣的幸福，你必须离开。为你更大的幸福和他们更大的幸福服务将证明所涉及的不适是合理的。

Change is painful where a great investment has been made. That is a fact. You cannot try to dismiss the pain if an investment has been made. It will be difficult. Yet this difficulty can be faced and must be faced if it serves a greater purpose, a more pressing need. Disappointment is a part of life. You lose things you love. Things change that you had invested in. Things do not work out the way you had planned. You make mistakes, costly ones too. Experiencing disappointment is part of being alive. However, much that disappoints you has nothing to do with the truth, and this must be distinguished from that which serves the truth.

在已经做出巨大投资的地方，改变是痛苦的。这是一个事实。如果已经进行了投资，你不能试图否定痛苦。它将是困难的。然而，这种困难是可以面对的，而且必须面对，如果它是为了一个更伟大的目的，一个更迫切的需要。失望是生活的一部分。你会失去你爱的关系。你曾投资的关系发生了变化。关系没有按照你计划的方式进行。你会犯错误，而且是代价高昂的错误。经历失望是活着的一部分。然而，许多让你失望的关系与真理无关，这必须与为真理服务的关系区分开来。

Truth and illusion can appear similar until you investigate them. One is solid; the other is vaporous. One abides; the other changes every moment. Truth is not changing every moment. Appearances are changing every moment. People are moving. God is still. God’s thoughts enter the world and provide encouragement for genuine advancement, positive growth and positive change. Truth is not constantly moving. People are constantly moving in the attempt to either move towards the truth or away from it. Yet the movement of God is very stable and continuous.

真理和幻觉看起来很相似，直到你调查它们。一个是坚实的，另一个是虚无的。一个持续存在；另一个每时每刻都在变化。真理不是每时每刻都在变化。表象每时每刻都在变化。人们在移动。上帝是静止的。上帝的感想进入世界，为真正的进步、积极的成长和积极的变化提供鼓励。真理不是不断地移动。人们在不断地移动，试图要么走向真理，要么远离它。然而，上帝的运动是非常稳定和持续的。

The movement of the world is governed by the movement of heavenly bodies, but you do not see those heavenly bodies except rarely, and you certainly do not recognize their influence. Their influence is constant and continuous, and yet the surface of the world is turbulent and changeable.

世界的运动受天体运动的支配，但你除了很少看到这些天体，你当然也不会认识到它们的影响。他们的影响是恒定和持续的，然而世界的表面是动荡和多变的。

Therefore, do not confuse your own change of mind and affairs with the movement of God. God exerts an influence on your mind, and your mind is turbulent in response to it. The difference here is that your mind is in a state of denial of God, and so it is turbulent against God. But once it overcomes its resistance, it begins to move towards God. This will set into motion certain kinds of change. This will rearrange your relationships. This will rearrange your priorities. This will rearrange your emphasis and your interests. This will give you a new experience of yourself and, as a result, a new understanding of your life.

因此，不要把你自己的心灵和事务的变化与上帝的运动混淆起来。上帝对你的心灵施加影响，你的心灵也会因之而动荡不安。这里的区别是，你的心灵处于否认上帝的状态，所以它对上帝的回应是动荡的。但是一旦它克服了阻力，它就会开始向上帝移动。这将启动某些类型的变化。这将重新安排你的关系。这将重新安排你的优先事项。这将重新安排你的重点和你的兴趣。这将使你对自己有新的经历，结果是对你的生命有新的理解。

Movement away from God is chaotic change. Movement towards God is constructive change. In the moment, change looks like change, and it is very difficult to see what is influencing it. Yet within a relationship, you will have the opportunity to see these influences because the change that is constructive is gradual.

远离上帝的运动是混乱的变化。朝向上帝的运动是建设性的变化。在当下，变化看起来像变化，而且很难看到是什么影响了它。然而在一个关系中，你将有机会看到这些影响，因为建设性的变化是渐进的。

Relationships usually deteriorate before they end. Sometimes a relationship never demonstrated any compatibility at all, or its compatibility was so limited that when it ends, it ends abruptly because there was so little holding it together. When what little was holding it together is severed, the whole thing immediately falls apart. This can happen. When relationships have more holding them together, if they are declining, their decline will be more gradual. If someone does something injurious to the other person or does something dishonest, this is often the result of a gradual decline. This is an expression of loss and an expression of confusion. Here people feel change, and they don’t know what to do about it.

关系通常在结束之前就会恶化。有时，一段关系根本就没有表现出任何兼容性，或者它的兼容性是如此有限，以至于当它结束时，它突然就结束了，因为没有什么基础将它维系在一起。当维系它的那点基础被切断时，整个关系就会立即崩溃。这可能发生。当关系有更多的维系，如果它们正在衰退，它们的衰退将是更渐进的。如果有人做了伤害对方的事情，或者做了不诚实的事情，这往往是逐渐衰退的结果。这是一种损失的表现，也是一种困惑的表现。在这里，人们感受到了变化，他们不知道该怎么做。

Here it is necessary to follow the Path of Knowledge because Knowledge is current with the change that is the result of God’s influence. Knowledge expresses true and constructive change and keeps you current with this change. This enables you to feel the movement of your life, the movement of your relationships, the movement of your world and ultimately the movement of the Universe.

在这里，有必要遵循内识之路，因为内识是与上帝的影响所带来的变化同步的。内识表达了真实和建设性的变化，并使你与这种变化保持同步。这使你能够感受到你的生命的运动，你的关系的运动，你的世界的运动以及最终宇宙的运动。

People will be disappointed whenever there is change. People will be upset whenever there is change. People will be in confusion. People will be in doubt. People will be uncertain. During a process of change, you go from something known to something unknown. Even if what was known was painful, this sometimes is preferred over the unknown, which is feared. Only when you have gained a relationship with the unknown and can trust and value the unknown as a source of a new stability, new direction and new meaning, can you embrace change with greater faith and confidence.

只要有变化，人们就会感到失望。只要有变化，人们就会感到不安。人们会陷入困惑。人们将处于怀疑之中。人们会感到不确定。在变化的过程中，你会从已知的人变成未知的人。即使已知的关系是痛苦的，这有时也比未知的关系更受欢迎，因为未知的关系是令人恐惧的。只有当你获得了与未知内识的关系，并能信任和重视未知内识，将其作为新的稳定、新的方向和新的意义的来源，你才能以更大的信心和决心拥抱变化。

Regarding leaving a relationship, the question before you is: Are you doing what is real and genuine? Are you being honest? Pain and discomfort cannot be avoided here. If you honestly need to leave, and it is time to leave, and if your relationship can go no further, then it will be far more painful to stay than it will be to leave. You should make every attempt at success in your relationship, but if these attempts all fail, then it is time to go.

关于离开一段关系，摆在你面前的问题是。你是否在做真实的、真正的事情？你是诚实的吗？痛苦和不舒服在这里是无法避免的。如果你真的需要离开，而且是时候离开了，如果你们的关系不能再继续下去，那么留下比离开要痛苦得多。你应该在你们的关系中做出一切成功的尝试，但如果这些尝试都失败了，那么就是时候离开了。

At a later time, you will understand why you had to leave because understanding always comes in retrospect. In the face of real change, you almost never understand why you are doing what you are doing. Perhaps you will give yourself compelling reasons. Perhaps you will justify your actions based on what is occurring, but your real understanding of the situation will come later. For while you are undergoing change, you are in the middle of changing. To understand real change, you must see the result of the change, and this is waiting for you down the way.

在以后的时间里，你会明白为什么你不得不离开，因为理解总是在回想中产生。在真正的变化面前，你几乎永远不明白为什么你要做你正在做的事情。也许你会给自己一个令人信服的理由。也许你会根据正在发生的事情为你的行动辩护，但你对情况的真正理解会在以后出现。因为当你正在经历变化时，你正处于变化之中。要理解真正的变化，你必须看到变化的结果，而这在之后的道路上等着你。

Question your motivation for leaving and question your honesty. Question the reality of what is happening in your relationship. Ask yourself if the problem can realistically be fixed or repaired. These are fundamental questions. You will need to ask them of yourself. Perhaps you will need some help from others with this. Yet these questions must be asked. If you must leave, you must face the pain and others must face the pain. Rarely in relationship do people separate by mutual agreement. If things have deteriorated and nothing more can be done, it is more likely that one person will take the initiative. The other may experience disappointment as if someone were robbing them of their stability and happiness.

质疑你离开的动机，质疑你的诚实。质疑在你们的关系中所发生的现实。问问你自己，这个问题是否可以现实地解决或修复。这些都是基本问题。你需要问自己这些问题。也许你还需要别人的帮助。然而，这些问题必须要问。如果你必须离开，你必须面对痛苦，其他人也必须面对痛苦。在人际关系中，很少有人会因为双方同意而分开。如果关系已经恶化，没有什么可以做的了，那么更有可能是一个人主动提出来。另一个人可能会经历到失望，好像有人夺走了他们的稳定和幸福。

If a relationship is being severed, it is not the loss of love that is the cause of the upset, it is the loss of stability. Someone will be upset because they are being thrown into the unknown. They are being faced with loneliness, change and uncertainty. Here they are not concerned with loss of love. If the relationship has deteriorated, the love has been lost already. The love can only be regained now by following what is true and by recommitting to honesty together. If that means the relationship is over, then that is what it means. Love is only lost when honesty is lost. Love is lost when constructive self-expression is lost, which is the result of honesty. Instead of being concerned about hurting another, be concerned about being honest and compassionate. If you are being honest and compassionate, then everything you do will be beneficial.

如果一段关系被切断了，导致不高兴的原因不是失去了爱情，而是失去了稳定。有人会感到不安，因为他们正被抛向未知的世界。他们正面临着孤独、变化和不确定性。在这里，他们并不关心爱情的丧失。如果关系已经恶化，那么爱就已经失去了。现在只有通过遵循真实的内识，通过重新承诺一起诚实，才能重新获得爱。如果这意味着关系结束，那么这就是它的意思。只有在失去诚实的时候才会失去爱。当失去建设性的自我表达时，爱就会失去，而这正是诚实的结果。与其担心伤害他人，不如关注诚实和同情心。如果你是诚实和有同情心的，那么你所做的一切将是有益的。

When is a relationship complete?
一段关系何时是完整的？

A relationship is complete when it has entered its next stage. If you must leave a relationship, do not think that it will be complete for you, for what it once was must become something else. You may express all things that need to be expressed in a constructive manner. You may discuss with your partner all that has not worked between you, everything that has failed and all the specific problems. You may even conclude that there is nothing more that you can do with each other, though it is rare that there will be mutual agreement here completely. However, the relationship is not complete until it enters its next stage of development. Someone will move forward into the next stage. Then the relationship will be complete.

当一段关系进入下一阶段时，这段关系才算完整。如果你必须离开一段关系，不要认为这段关系对你来说就是完整的，因为曾经的关系一定会变成另一种样子。你可以以建设性的方式表达所有需要表达的事情。你可以与伴侣讨论你们之间的所有不愉快、所有失败以及所有具体问题。你们甚至可以得出结论，你们之间已经没有什么可以做的了，尽管在这里双方完全达成一致的情况很少见。然而，关系在进入下一个发展阶段之前是不完整的。有人会进入下一个阶段。然后，这段关系才算完整。

At least one of you must go into a new life for your relationship to be complete. Until it is complete, being together will seem awkward and uncomfortable and perhaps will incite feelings of remorse, regret and resentment. The old relationship will still pull you backwards. You will still think that there was more you could have done for the situation. It will still seem like a failure casting its shadow over you. Even if leaving was a great relief, there will still be discomfort. At least one of you and hopefully both of you will move forward into a new life. When that happens, the relationship will begin to reach a stage of completion. After all, if a relationship cannot continue, then it must deliver you into something new in order to fulfill itself.

你们中至少有一个人必须进入新的生命，你们的关系才算完整。在它完成之前，在一起会显得尴尬和不舒服，也许会激起悔恨、遗憾和怨恨的感觉。旧的关系仍然会把你往后拉。你仍然会认为你可以为这种关系做得更多。它仍然会像一个失败，在你身上投下阴影。即使离开是一个很大的解脱，仍然会有不舒服的感觉。你们中至少有一个人，希望你们两个人都能向新的生命迈进。当这种情况发生时，这段关系将开始达到一个完成的阶段。毕竟，如果一段关系不能继续下去，那么内识必须把你送到新的关系里，以实现它自己。

It is possible for two people who have separated to keep their relationship incomplete for a very long time, perhaps even for a lifetime. They never moved forward. They never consummated what they attempted to do together anywhere else, and their severed relationship remains as a gaping wound in their lives.

分开的两个人有可能在很长时间内保持不完整的关系，甚至可能是一辈子。他们从未向前迈进。他们从未在其他地方完成他们试图一起做的事情，而他们被切断的关系仍然是他们生命中的一个缺口。

If you have expressed everything you need to express, if you have taken responsibility for your own difficulties, errors, lack of honesty and so forth, and if you have not projected blame upon the other but have assigned cause to both of you, this wound will begin to heal, giving you the possibility to move forward into a greater and more complete union with someone else. However, if blame is maintained, if resentments are honored, if unforgiveness is preserved and if your own responsibility has not been accepted, then the wound will not heal and will be a source of pain and discomfort, anxiety and concern in the future.

如果你已经表达了你需要表达的一切，如果你已经为你自己的困难、错误、缺乏诚实等承担责任，如果你没有把责任投射到对方身上，而是把原因归于你们双方，这个伤口将开始愈合，使你有可能向前迈进，与其他人建立一个更大和更完整的结合。然而，如果责备仍然存在，如果怨恨仍然存在，如果不原谅仍然存在，如果你自己的责任没有被接受，那么这个伤口将不会愈合，并将成为未来痛苦和不舒服、焦虑和担忧的来源。

Severing a primary relationship can be very painful, and people often want to have the process be over as fast as possible, usually by bypassing the pain itself. However, you must go through this pain because this pain is necessary to a certain point. Going through the pain may be very intense, but it should not be prolonged. If you are fully facing your own pain, it will be expressed and cleansed from you. Yet if you avoid it, deny it, call it by another name or maintain judgment against the other person in order to prevent yourself from feeling your own sense of failure or regret, you will not be able to move forward, and the pain of separation will be prolonged.

断绝主要关系可能是非常痛苦的，人们往往希望这个过程能尽快结束，通常是绕过痛苦本身。然而，你必须经历这种痛苦，因为这种痛苦在某种程度上是必要的。经历痛苦可能是非常激烈的，但它不应该被延长。如果你完全面对自己的痛苦，它就会被表达出来，并从你身上被清洗掉。然而，如果你回避它，否认它，用另一个名字称呼它，或保持对对方的判断，以防止自己感受到自己的失败感或遗憾，你将无法向前迈进，分离的痛苦将被延长。

The gift of a severed relationship is the deliverance into a greater and more complete union for at least one person. It does not have to happen for both people. But one person must be delivered into a greater union. Then the relationship will be complete. If it is complete for one, it is complete for both. Though the other person may hold onto resentments and regrets, the relationship will be complete. If one person moves forward with confidence and with gratitude, the relationship will be complete. If one person has been able to use everything they have learned from the creation, maintenance and completion of their former relationship successfully in a new relationship, the former relationship will be complete. If the other person lags behind in resentment, regret and unforgiveness, their wounds will not heal, and they will crucify themselves for something that in actuality can deliver them to a greater union in the future. Yet the relationship is still complete. If it is complete for one person, it is complete. Hopefully, it will be complete for both people, but this rarely happens simultaneously.

割裂关系的礼物是为至少一个人提供更大和更完整的结合。这不一定要发生在两个人身上。但必须有一个人被送入一个更大的结合。然后关系才会完整。如果对一个人来说是完整的，对两个人来说也是完整的。尽管另一个人可能抱有怨恨和遗憾，但这段关系将是完整的。如果一个人带着信心和感激之情向前迈进，这个关系就会完整。如果一个人能够在新的关系中成功地使用他们从建立、维持和完成以前的关系中学到的一切，那么以前的关系将是完整的。如果对方在怨恨、悔恨和不原谅中落后，他们的伤口就不会愈合，他们就会因为一些实际上可以让他们在未来获得更大结合的事情上而把自己钉在十字架。然而，这种关系仍然是完整的。如果对一个人来说是完整的，那么它就是完整的。希望对两个人来说都是完整的，但这很少同时发生。

A failed marriage will always leave scars and impressions. It will shape the people involved and will be the foundation for many future decisions—either good decisions or poor decisions. Having a relationship be complete does not mean that the relationship is erased or that it will not continue to serve as an example and have an influence. It simply means that there is no going back. It is over. You will be prone to returning to this relationship until you have reached a greater involvement in the future. A person may be convinced that they will not go back, no matter what, but the relationship is not complete until they have entered a greater union and have utilized their learning successfully.

失败的婚姻总是会留下伤痕和印象。它将塑造参与其中的人，并将成为未来许多决定的基础——无论是好的决定还是坏的决定。让一段关系完整并不意味着这段关系被抹去，也不意味着它不会继续作为榜样和产生影响。它只是意味着没有回头路了。它已经结束了。你将容易回到这种关系中去，直到你在未来达到更大的参与。一个人可能确信他们不会回去，无论如何，但在他们进入更大的结合并成功善用他们的学习之前，这种关系是不完整的。

Completing a primary relationship takes time. It takes undergoing the difficulty and the pain of loss. It means spending time with yourself to integrate what has happened, to gain a sense of yourself again and to gain a perspective on what has transpired. It takes time to enter a new threshold where a new relationship can be initiated. It takes time to become involved in a new relationship so that what has happened before can become useful in the future. Then your former relationship will be complete. Then you can look back upon your past with gratitude.

完成一个主要关系需要时间。它需要经受困难和失去的痛苦。它意味着要花时间与自己融合所发生的关系，重新获得对自己的感觉，并获得对所发生关系的看法。需要时间来进入一个新的门槛，在这里可以开始新的关系。融入新的关系需要时间，这样之前发生的关系才能在未来变得有用。然后你以前的关系就会完成。然后你可以带着感激之情回顾你的过去。

Relationships are always completed with gratitude. This does not mean that everyone feels totally good about everything that has happened. But it does mean that the overall result is one of genuine gratitude. However, this gratitude must be real. If it is simply an attempt to avoid pain or confrontation, then the relationship will remain incomplete and will prevent its former participants from progressing forward and from becoming successfully engaged in new relationships.

关系总是在感恩中完成。这并不意味着每个人都对所发生的一切感觉完全良好。但它确实意味着整体的结果是真正的感激之情。然而，这种感激必须是真实的。如果它仅仅是为了避免痛苦或对抗，那么这种关系将仍然是不完整的，并将阻止其以前的参与者向前迈进，以及成功地参与新的关系。

Incomplete relationships from the past are a major impediment to full involvement with people in the present. To complete these relationships, you must face your errors and you must realize what transpired. This takes time and integration. In the pain and adversity of separation, this cannot be expected to fully occur. But in time, a new perspective can be gained, and you can see how your former relationship can be of service to you in building a new life. This is where completion occurs. This is where value is recognized.

过去不完整的关系是目前与人充分交往的一个主要障碍。为了完成这些关系，你必须面对你的错误，你必须认识到所发生的关系。这需要时间和整合。在分离的痛苦和逆境中，不能指望这一点完全发生。但随着时间的推移，可以获得一个新的视角，你可以看到你以前的关系如何能够为你建立新的生命提供服务。这就是完成发生的地方。这也是价值被承认的地方。

Completion in a relationship represents a new beginning. Precisely when this will occur after any separation will be determined by the natural healing process that occurs within people, as well as their desire for peace, harmony and truth. Here the process of healing can be slowed or quickened depending upon the motivation of those involved. But it will take time nonetheless.

在一段关系中的完成代表着一个新的开始。准确地说，在任何分离之后，这将在什么时候发生，将由人们内部发生的自然愈合过程，以及他们对和平、和谐和真理的渴望决定。在这里，愈合的过程可以放慢或加快，这取决于相关人员的动机。但它仍然需要时间。

Gratitude is always the completion point of any relationship. Genuine gratitude is based upon recognition of genuine results. These results cannot be determined until you are in a relationship once again, where learning in your prior relationship can be utilized and applied. Therefore, it will take time to complete a former relationship, and the time it takes is a time of necessary personal integration, re-evaluation and self-discovery. It is a new beginning. Here the desire for union must be reaffirmed. Here the ability to experience union must be rediscovered and affirmed. And here former errors must be recognized so that they do not undermine any future engagements.

感恩永远是任何关系的完成点。真正的感恩是基于对真正结果的认可。这些结果是无法确定的，直到你再次处于一个关系中，在你之前的关系中的学习可以被善用和应用。因此，完成以前的关系需要时间，而这段时间是必要的个人整合、重新评估和自我发现的时间。这是一个新的开始。在这里，必须重新确认对结合的渴望。在这里，经历结合的能力必须被重新发现和肯定。在这里，必须承认以前的错误，以便它们不会破坏任何未来的约定。

Each relationship is a gift. A gift must be recognized, and its benefits must be applied. Many relationships offer a gift simply by teaching you what not to do at the beginning. Some people come to you simply for you to turn them away. However, do not call all of your errors perfect or thoroughly beneficial. Only certain aspects are beneficial, and you must always evaluate learning in terms of its cost.

每一种关系都是一种礼物。礼物必须被识别，其益处必须被应用。许多关系提供了一份礼物，仅仅是通过教你在开始时不要做什么。有些人来到你身边只是为了让你拒绝他们。然而，不要把你所有的错误称为完美或彻底的益处。只有某些方面是有益的，而且你必须始终以其成本来评估学习。

The recognition of error, the re-evaluation of error and the utilization of the benefit of error are essential for your progress. Here you must face pain, you must face difficulty, you must face error and you must face yourself. This is part of learning. This is part of becoming a mature person. This is part of your spiritual advancement as well.

对错误的认识、对错误的重新评价和对错误益处的善用，对你的进步至关重要。在这里，你必须面对痛苦，你必须面对困难，你必须面对错误，你必须面对自己。这是学习的一部分。这是成为一个成熟的人的一部分。这也是你精神上进步的一部分。

This can be difficult. It can be embarrassing. It can be self-effacing. It can even be traumatic. Yet this is a necessary aspect of learning if you truly wish to penetrate the world and yourself and to discover what is known there. Knowledge here is your guide, but you must be a patient follower and a patient recipient and a courageous one at that. If you do not have this courage, if you do not have this patience or are not willing to cultivate it, you should not become involved in intimate primary relationships. You must be strong of heart to meet the challenges here and be responsible for what you discover here.

这可能是困难的。它可以是令人尴尬的。它可以是自我贬低的。它甚至可能是创伤性的。然而，如果你真的希望穿透世界和你自己，发现那里已知的关系，这是学习的一个必要方面。这里的内识是你的向导，但你必须是一个耐心的追随者和耐心的接收者，而且是一个勇敢的人。如果你没有这种勇气，如果你没有这种耐心或不愿意培养这种耐心，你就不应该参与亲密的主要关系。你必须有坚强的心来迎接这里的挑战，对你在这里发现的关系负责。

The power of God is calling you to advance. It is calling you to complete former relationships, to realize their benefit and to proceed forward with gratitude. The power of God is teaching you to identify those relationships that require your participation now. The power of God is teaching you discernment, objectivity, clarity of mind, inner stillness, receptivity to your Inner Teachers and openness to marriage and genuine relationship.

上帝的力量正在呼唤你前进。它在呼唤你完成以前的关系，认识到它们的益处，并怀着感恩的心继续前进。上帝的力量正在教你识别那些需要你现在参与的关系。上帝的力量正在教你辨别、客观、清晰的心灵、内在的静止、接受你的内在老师和对婚姻和真正的关系开放。

Anger and resentment will likely abound during separation. To some degree, this will happen because of disappointment. Perhaps your partner will not be able to hear many things for a while. It depends on the factors that have been indicated here. Be prepared then during separation in a relationship, for you will be blamed to a certain degree, and there will be anger and resentment towards you. Perhaps some of it is justified. Perhaps some of it is unjustified. If you were dishonest, you must face that. If you were honest but your honesty was misinterpreted, you must face that. If you were rightly criticized or wrongly criticized, you must face that. This will all teach you to become more discerning, more objective and more practical in initiating your next relationship. You do not need to be armored against these things because they will teach you to become more honest, more natural and more open if you are learning from them correctly.

在分居期间，愤怒和怨恨可能会层出不穷。在某种程度上，这是因为失望。也许你的伴侣在一段时间内无法听到很多声音。这取决于这里提到的因素。因此，在恋爱关系中的分居期间，你要做好心理准备，因为你会在一定程度上受到责备，而且会对你产生愤怒和怨恨。也许有些是合理的。也许有些是没有道理的。如果你不诚实，你必须面对。如果你是诚实的，但你的诚实被曲解了，你也必须面对。如果你受到了正确的批评或错误的批评，你必须面对。这都将教会你在启动下一段关系时变得更有辨别力，更客观，更实际。你不需要对这些关系加以防备，因为如果你能正确地从中吸取教训，它们会教会你变得更加诚实、更加自然和更加开放。

Certainly, if you were dishonest in a former relationship, you can recognize this. Here you realize that honesty will save you time and difficulty. Then you will be more committed to presenting yourself as you truly are rather than only presenting some aspect of yourself that your new partner finds attractive. You want to make sure that someone knows as much about you as possible at the outset so that they will not be disappointed when they get to know you later. You want to be accepted as you are. You want to be known as you are. This provides comfort and security in a relationship.

当然，如果你在以前的关系中不诚实，你也能认识到这一点。在这里，你会意识到诚实会为你节省时间和困难。然后，你会更加致力于展现真实的自己，而不是只展现新伴侣认为有吸引力的自己的某些方面。你要确保对方一开始就尽可能多地了解你，这样他们以后了解你时才不会失望。你希望别人接受你。你希望别人了解你。这样才能在一段关系中提供舒适感和安全感。

If you are only known by a certain aspect of yourself, if you only put your best foot forward, or if someone does not see how you really are, how you really think and what you really do, you will not be on a solid foundation. Be honest, tell the truth and truth will provide security, assurance and direction for you. Therefore, utilize another’s judgment against you for your own self-examination, but try to be very fair. Some things can be recognized and resolved during this process. For other things, you must wait, for only time will reveal the true essence of the matter at hand.

如果你只是以自己的某一方面为人所知，如果你只是把自己最好的一面展现出来，或者如果别人看不到你的真实面目、真实思考和真实做法，你就不会有坚实的基础。要诚实，讲出真理，真理会为你提供安全感、保证和方向。因此，善用他人对你的评价来进行自我审视，但要尽量做到公平。有些关系可以在这个过程中得到认识和解决。对于其他关系，你必须等待，因为只有时间才能揭示关系的本质。

Anger and resentment are filled with personal projection and blame. That is because people are hurt, and when they are hurt, they want to react, they want to fight back and they want to get their pain out of their mind and give it away to someone else, usually to the person whom they think is the source of their pain. This can be very difficult, and therefore at times during a separation process, people should not be around each other. Do not try to resolve everything in the heat of emotion because your efforts on behalf of reconciliation and peace will not be well received. As always, you must evaluate your communication in terms of its effectiveness. You may feel a personal need to express yourself, but it is also your responsibility to see if that expression is appropriate at a given time and to sense how it will be received.

愤怒和怨恨充满了个人投射和指责。这是因为人们受到了伤害，当他们受到伤害时，他们想做出回应，他们想反击，他们想把自己的痛苦从心灵中释放出来，把它送给其他人，通常是送给他们认为是他们痛苦来源的人。这可能是非常困难的，因此在分离过程中，有时人们不应该在一起。不要试图在情绪激动时解决一切问题，因为你代表和解与和平的努力不会受到欢迎。一如既往，你必须评估你的沟通是否有效。你可能觉得有个人需要表达自己，但你也有责任看看这种表达在特定的时间是否合适，并感知它将如何被接收。

People going through separation sometimes need to stay away from each other for long periods of time until they can gain some perspective. If they come into proximity to one another too soon, they will merely react to one another, and this will not be helpful. Remember, you do not want to create any more conflict in the world than is necessary by undergoing a process of change.

经历分居的人有时需要长时间地远离对方，直到他们能够获得一些观点。如果他们过早地接近对方，他们将只是对彼此作出反应，这将是没有帮助的。记住，你不希望在这个世界上因为经历了一个变化过程而产生任何超过必要的冲突。

Become very honest, but do not hurt yourself with the facts. Though there are things you must face, remember, you are not bad. Neither is your partner. There is pain that you will experience, but you do not deserve punishment. Some things in life are difficult, but they are not meant to punish you. Do not punish yourself or your partner for the difficulty of separation. Become responsible for your engagement and become responsible for the separation. The separation occurred because something did not work in your relationship. Perhaps the relationship could have been saved, but usually, it could not have been saved. Either the necessary elements were not there in order to continue the relationship, or the mutual motivation was not there.

变得非常诚实，但不要用事实伤害你自己。虽然有些事情你必须面对，但记住，你并不坏。你的伴侣也不坏。你会经历痛苦，但你不应该受到惩罚。生活中有些关系是困难的，但它们不是为了惩罚你。不要因为分居的困难而惩罚自己或你的伴侣。对你的婚姻负责，对分居负责。分居的发生是因为你们的关系中的内识没有发挥作用。也许这段关系本可以被挽救，但通常情况下，它不可能被挽救。要么是没有必要的因素来继续这段关系，要么是相互的动机不存在。

It is not enough that one person be committed to success in a relationship. Both people must have this commitment for success to be achieved. Even here, the right elements must be present in order to pass through all the stages on the way to success. Try to be very fair and try to be open and honest. Commit yourself to learning here, for this learning is extremely valuable. Everyone in the world is suffering to some degree from resentment and disappointment in a relationship. If you learn the lessons here, you will be able to escape the world’s dilemma, and this will establish you as a true emancipator in the future.

在一段关系中，仅有一个人致力于成功是不够的。两个人都必须有这种承诺才能获得成功。即使在这里，也必须有正确的因素，以便通过成功路上的所有阶段。尽量做到非常公平，努力做到开放和诚实。在这里致力于学习，因为这种学习是非常有价值的。世界上的每个人都在某种程度上受到关系中的怨恨和失望的影响。如果你学会了这里的课程，你将能够摆脱世界的困境，这将确立你在未来成为一个真实的解放者。

What can you offer people but your own experience of freedom? What can you offer people except your own recognition of Knowledge? What can you offer people but what you have learned about relationships so that their relationships may be enhanced, altered or elevated, given whatever is necessary for them at the time?

除了你自己的自由经历，你能给人们提供什么？除了你自己对内识的认知，你还能为人们提供什么？除了你对关系的学习，你还能给人们什么，以便他们的关系可以得到加强、改变或提升，不管当时对他们来说有什么必要？

It is best, in most cases, not to become involved in another relationship immediately after separation. Whether a divorce has occurred or a loved one has died, it will take time for inner healing. There are sometimes exceptions to this where a new relationship will speed this process considerably. But this is more the exception than the rule. People often want to jump into a new relationship right away to offset the pain that they are undergoing in the moment. They do not want to face the pain of separation, and so they want to have a new relationship, which will then preoccupy them. This will interfere with and prolong the healing process, and it will provide an undue strain upon your new partner, for it is not his or her role to take on your healing. Your new partner should not bear the brunt of your past difficulties. That is your responsibility.

在大多数情况下，最好不要在分居后立即卷入另一段关系。不管是发生了离婚还是亲人去世，都需要时间来进行内心的愈合。有时也有例外情况，新的关系会大大加快这一过程。但这更多是例外，而不是常规。人们往往想马上跳入一段新的关系，以抵消他们当下正在经历的痛苦。他们不想面对分居的痛苦，所以他们想有一个新的关系，这样就会让他们惴惴不安。这将干扰和延长愈合的过程，而且会给你的新伴侣带来不必要的压力，因为他或她的作用不是承担你的愈合。你的新伴侣不应承担你过去的困难的首当其冲。那是你的责任。

To prepare for a new relationship, you must take time to integrate what has happened, to recognize your errors and to create a new beginning within yourself. Do not be impatient. Impatience means you are trying to operate without Knowledge. Impatience means you do not trust life or yourself and are rushing ahead to secure a position for yourself. Perhaps during a separation you will feel very needy. Perhaps you will look for those things you felt lacking in your former relationship. Yet this is a time to be with yourself. This is a time for restraint. This is a time to face your responsibilities. This is a time to regain your strength. Many people are aware of this and can help you. This is wise counsel. Only if your Knowledge indicates an exception should you make an exception, and in this you must be very certain that you are following Knowledge.

为了准备一段新的关系，你必须花时间来整合已经发生的关系，认识到你的错误，并在你的内心创造一个新的开始。不要急躁。不耐烦意味着你正试图在没有内识的情况下进行操作。不耐烦意味着你不相信生命或自己，急于为自己争取位置。也许在分居期间，你会感到非常需要。也许你会寻找那些你在以前的关系中感到缺乏的品质。然而，这是一个与自己相处的时间。这是一个需要克制的时间。这是一个面对你的责任的时间。这是一个重新获得你的力量的时间。许多人都意识到这一点，并能帮助你。这是明智的建议。只有当你的内识表明有例外时，你才应该做出例外，在这一点上，你必须非常确定你是遵循内识。

Completing a relationship is always an opportunity to deepen your experience of honesty and to deepen your awareness of Knowledge. It is an opportunity to recognize what you knew, to recognize whether you followed what you knew, to recognize your honesty and to recognize whether you expressed yourself honestly. These are the times where real honesty is forged.

完成一段关系总是一个机会，可以加深你对诚实的经历，加深你对内识的觉知。这是一个机会，可以认识到你所知道的，认识到你是否遵循了你所知道的，认识到你的诚实，认识到你是否诚实地表达自己。这些是锻造真正的诚实的时候。

If you are concerned only with your survival, your natural inclination for honesty will become obstructed and distorted. If you do not trust life, you will attempt to outmaneuver it, and you will attempt to use cunning and craft to get what you want because you do not think that life provides for those who are honest. Yet if you are honest, life will provide for you at every moment, and you will be able to follow the progression of life. This will place you in a far better position to make wise decisions concerning your relationships at all stages of development.

如果你只关心自己的生存，你对诚实的自然倾向就会受到阻挠和扭曲。如果你不信任生命，你会试图超越它，你会试图用狡猾和工艺来获得你想要的关系，因为你不认为生命会提供给那些诚实的人。然而，如果你是诚实的，生命将在每一个时刻为你提供，你将能够跟随生命的进展。这将使你处于一个更好的位置，在发展的各个阶段对你的关系做出明智的决定。

Use the difficulty of separation to deepen your commitment to honesty, your commitment to Knowledge and your commitment to spiritual growth. This will make you far better prepared to participate in the future in a primary intimate relationship. This will teach you what you need to learn and what you need to unlearn, what you need to do and what you need to avoid. This will teach you how to select a partner and how to recognize those impulses within yourself and the allurements of others that can easily lead you astray.

善用分居的困难来加深你对诚实的承诺，对内识的承诺和对精神上成长的承诺。这将使你更好地准备参与未来的主要亲密关系。这将教会你需要学习什么，需要解除什么，需要做什么，需要避免什么。这将教会你如何选择伴侣，以及如何识别自己内心的那些冲动和他人的诱惑，这些冲动和诱惑很容易将你引入歧途。

Accept your vulnerability and recognize that it calls for greater wisdom because wisdom is your best defense. Lying, cheating and avoidance are not effective defenses because they make you vulnerable to error. You now want to be vulnerable to the truth because the truth gives you peace and certainty and restores to you your own abilities and power. Recommit yourself to Knowledge and to genuine relationship. If you are committed to learning, you will be able to commit yourself to a relationship. If you are not committed to learning, and if you are bound to your own judgments and resentments, then you will not be open to relationship. Then only your future loneliness will drive you to bond with another, and you will not be well prepared.

接受你的脆弱性，并认识到它需要更大的智慧，因为智慧是你最好的防御。撒谎、欺骗和回避都不是有效的防御手段，因为它们使你容易犯错。你现在想在真理面前变得脆弱，因为真理给你带来平安和确定性，使你恢复自己的能力和力量。对内识和真正的关系重新作出承诺。如果你致力于学习，你就能将自己投入到关系中。如果你不致力于学习，如果你被自己的判断和怨恨所束缚，那么你就不会对关系开放。那么只有你未来的孤独感会驱使你与另一个人结合，而你将没有做好充分的准备。

How do you complete a relationship when someone dies?
当有人去世时，你如何完成一段关系？

In the course of your life, important people die. This is often a time of immediate loss, sometimes unexpected. The manner of their death and the fact of their death will impact you. Perhaps they died of a long illness. Perhaps they died from an accident. Perhaps they even took their own life. You will then be faced with separation in a very drastic way because your ability to communicate with them in physical life will now be limited and may even seem to be non-existent.

在你的生命过程中，重要的人死去。这往往是一个直接损失的时刻，有时是意想不到的。他们死亡的方式和死亡的事实会影响你。也许他们是死于长期疾病。也许他们死于一场事故。也许他们甚至自杀了。然后你将面临非常激烈的分离，因为你在身体生活中与他们沟通的能力现在将受到限制，甚至可能看起来不存在了。

It is wise, particularly in the case of your parents and other older people who have been your primary relationships, for you to bring as much healing into these relationships as possible and to find constructive ways of expressing your gratitude and pinpointing difficulties. You will not have as good a chance after they have gone. Your communication with them may not seem nearly as meaningful then. The end of their life may be close at hand. Do not take their presence for granted. Prepare yourself. Establish a quality experience with them at your earliest convenience. Transcend your own judgments and preferences. Forgive them for what they have not been able to give to you. Prepare yourself, for if they die suddenly and you are left with your own irresolution, it will be far more difficult for you to bring about healing within yourself and to gain a positive experience of the relationship.

明智的做法是，特别是对于你的父母和其他一直是你主要关系的长者，你要尽可能多地将治愈带入这些关系中，并找到建设性的方式来表达你的感激之情和指出困难。他们走后，你就没有那么好的机会了。那时你与他们的沟通可能就显得没有那么有意义了。他们生命的结束可能近在眼前。不要把他们的存在视为理所当然。为自己做好准备。在你方便的时候尽早与他们建立高质量的经历。超越你自己的判断和偏好。原谅他们没能给你的东西。准备好自己，因为如果他们突然死亡，而你只剩下自己的不解，你将更难在自己内心带来治愈，并获得关系的积极经历。

The world is an opportunity for relationship and communication. That is what the world is. That is its benefit to you. When death is anticipated, take advantage of the opportunity to deepen your relationship as much as possible by becoming honest and vulnerable, by finding constructive ways to express yourself, by accepting another person’s state of mind and prejudices and by attempting to communicate within those limits. Communication is your desire. It is your responsibility to find the most effective means. Sometimes talking is not necessary. Sometimes just being together is enough. Prepare then so that their passing may be a time of completion for you and not a time of traumatic loss alone.

世界是一个建立关系和交流的机会。这就是世界的本质。这是它对你的好处。当死亡被预期时，善用这个机会，通过变得诚实和脆弱，通过寻找建设性的方式来表达自己，通过接受另一个人的心灵状态和偏见，通过尝试在这些限度内沟通，尽可能地加深你们的关系。沟通是你的愿望。找到最有效的方式是你的责任。有时说话是没有必要的。有时只是在一起就足够了。那就做好准备，使他们的离去对你们来说可能是一个圆满的时刻，而不是一个单独的创伤性损失的时刻。

To be with death is very powerful, for the meaning of life can be ascertained in these times of transition. This is a spiritual time. It is a time of inner honesty. It is a time of disillusionment, which can lead to true recognition.

与死亡在一起是非常有力的，因为在这些过渡时期可以确定生命的意义。这是一个精神上的时刻。这是一个内心坦诚的时刻。这是一个幻灭的时刻，可以导致真实的认可。

If someone dies suddenly, assess what you have given to them and what you did not give to them that was needed. Assess who they were in your life, and learn to recognize the benefit of your relationship, whether it was a benefit born of error or a benefit born of truth. When you begin to experience the true value of your bond together, express your gratitude. If you do this in prayer, your expressions will reach the recipient because those who have left the world can be reached through prayer. If your mind is open, you can receive their response because the mind is the medium between Heaven and Earth.

如果有人突然去世，评估你给了他们什么，以及你没有给他们什么需要。评估他们在你生命中是谁，并学会认识到你们之间的关系的好处，无论它是由错误产生的好处还是由真理产生的好处。当你开始经历到你们在一起的纽带的真正价值时，表达你的感激之情。如果你在祷告中这样做，你的表达会到达接收者那里，因为那些已经离开世界的人可以通过祷告到达。如果你的心灵是开放的，你可以收到他们的回应，因为心灵是天国和地球之间的媒介。

Therefore, through your mind, you can communicate with those who are not in the world. Through your mind, those who are not in the world can communicate with you. This communication with loved ones who have died need only be brief for they are expressions of gratitude and they affirm that your relationship continues. As it has been said, all primary relationships continue whether in an active state or a dormant state. Those who have been reclaimed in your heart will remain in your heart. Those who are still denied await to be reclaimed, for you cannot get rid of them. Such is the power of initiating primary relationships.

因此，通过你的心灵，你可以与那些不在世界的人沟通。通过你的心灵，那些不在世界的人可以与你沟通。这种与已故亲人的沟通只需简短，因为它们是表达感激之情的，它们肯定你们的关系在继续。正如已经说过的，所有的主要关系都在继续，无论是在活跃状态还是在休眠状态。那些在你心中被收回的人将继续留在你心中。那些仍然被拒绝的人等待着被收回，因为你无法摆脱他们。这就是启动主要关系的力量。

Allow the spiritual presence of your former relationships to enter into your awareness. Think of them, bless them, learn from them and thank them. If you do this sincerely and with the courage to face yourself and to face the fact of your separation, you will be able to receive a response from them. This will affirm your spiritual life and the greatness of Knowledge that is within you, which looks within the world and beyond the world simultaneously. Knowledge recognizes that relationships span all appearances. This will be a time of spiritual emergence and confirmation for you and a time of maturity in relationship. Face your suffering, recognize your errors and realize your gratitude.

允许你以前在关系上的精神存在进入你的觉知。想到他们，祝福他们，从他们那里学习，感谢他们。如果你真诚地做这件事，并有勇气面对自己，面对你们分离的事实，你将能够从他们那里得到回应。这将肯定你精神上的生活和存在于你内心的内识的伟大，它同时关注世界内部和世界之外。内识认识到，关系跨越了所有的表象。这将是你精神上的出现和确认的时刻，也是关系成熟的时刻。面对你的痛苦，承认你的错误，实现你的感恩。

If a person has taken their life, forgive them for their actions. Learn from their life. If given similar circumstances and influences, you might have ended up doing the same thing. Their life is a teaching and a warning to you. Learn from this. Be grateful for what you have learned. Forgive them for departing in this manner. Bless them in their new undertaking, and ask that their life may be a service to you so that you may serve others as well. For you, as a student of Knowledge, must learn of failure as well as success. Failure will aim you towards success, but success will redeem you. They are in no way of equal value, but one does follow the other.

如果有人自杀，请原谅他们的行为。从他们的生活中吸取教训。如果有类似的环境和影响，你可能最终也会做同样的事情。他们的一生是对你的教诲和警示。从中吸取教训。对你学到的教导心存感激。原谅他们以这种方式离开。祝福他们的新事业，并祈求他们的人生能为你服务，让你也能为他人服务。作为内识的学生，你必须从失败和成功中学习。失败会让你走向成功，而成功则会救赎你。它们的价值是不一样的，但两者缺一不可。