Discernment in Relationships

As received by Marshall Vian Summers on February 13, 2009 in Boulder, Colorado
2009年2月13日，在科罗拉多州博尔德(Boulder, Colorado)，向上帝的信使马歇尔・维安・萨默斯(Marshall Vian Summers)揭示

There are very few people in the world who will really understand you—your deeper nature and the deeper qualities that you have that even you have not discovered. At the surface of your mind, you might find much agreement, but at a deeper level beneath the surface of your mind, there are only a few who will be able to really recognize you.

世界上只有极少数人能够真正理解你——你更深层次的自然和你拥有的甚至你自己都未发现的更深层次的品质。在你心灵的表面，你或许会发现很多共识，但在你心灵的表面之下的一种更深层次的层面上，只有少数人能够真正认识你。

So there is no need to gain general approval, for this is hopeless if you are to be honest with yourself and honest with others. Seeking approval from people from whom you need something is a fruitless endeavor. From an employer, you might have to prove your worth and show your best side, but beyond this, you must be the same person in all situations. Your deeper qualities will prove your worth if you are true to them and understand them and learn over time how to express them.

因此，没有必要获得普遍的认可，因为如果你要对你自己诚实，对他人诚实，那么这是毫无希望的。向那些你需要的人寻求认可是徒劳的。从雇主那里，你可能需要证明你的价值并展示你最好的一面，但除此之外，你必须在所有情况下都是同一个人。如果你忠于你更深层次的品质，理解它们，并随着时间的推移学会如何表达它们，那么你更深层次的品质将证明你的价值。

To have many friends really does not account for much at all. To win favor amongst many people is to accommodate yourself to their expectations, and this will weaken and even destroy your ability to recognize yourself. People want to be loved and accepted and acknowledged, but this is driven by insecurity primarily.

拥有许多朋友其实并不重要。赢得许多人的好感意味着要迎合他们的期望，这会削弱甚至摧毁你认识你自己的能力。人们希望被爱、被接受和被认可，但这主要是由不安全感驱动的。

At a deeper level, you need a more profound recognition. You need a true ally, not merely a friend. You need someone who recognizes your deeper nature and responds to this naturally.

在一种更深层次的层面上，你需要一种更深刻的认知。你需要一个真实的盟友，而不仅仅是一个朋友。你需要一个能认识到你更深层次的自然并进行自然回应的人。

You do not have to perform for these people. But you do have to honor this nature within yourself. If it is unknown to you, or if you are resisting it or denying it by trying to be something else that you think will be successful, then your relationship with these rare individuals will not come to pass, and you will have lost a rare and great opportunity.

你不必为这些人表演。但你必须尊重你自己内心的这种自然。如果你不知道它，或者你试图成为你认为会成功的其他人来抵制它或否认它，那么你与这些罕见个体的关系将不会实现，你将失去一个难得的伟大机会。

As you begin to take the Steps to Knowledge, to the deeper intelligence that God has placed within you, your criteria for relationships will change. You will seek clarity and honesty. You will look for deeper values. You will look for more permanent values. You will look for greater integrity within people, greater sincerity, more substantial values.

当你开始开展内识的进阶，走向上帝放置在你内心的更深层次的智能时，你对待关系的标准将会改变。你将寻求明晰和诚实。你将寻找更深层次的价值观。你将寻找更永恒的价值观。你将寻找人们内在的更大完整性、更大的真诚、更实质性的价值观。

Of course, this will rule out many people. Even if they are very pleasant and very nice in a social sense, if they do not have this greater capacity within themselves, or have not discovered this for themselves, then there will be no place for you to connect with them. You can understand them at the level of their circumstances or their personality. You might admire their appearance or their charms or their unique abilities, but the deeper connection will not be there. They are living at the surface, and you have gone beneath the surface.

当然，这会排除很多人。即使他们在社交方面非常令人愉快、非常善良，如果他们自己内在没有这种更伟大能力，或者没有为他们自己发现这一点，那么你就没有地方与他们连接。你可以在他们的处境或人格层面理解他们。你或许欣赏他们的外表或他们的魅力或他们的独特能力，但更深层次的连接不会存在。他们生活在表面，而你已经进入了表面之下。

You cannot wait for them or try to educate or enlighten them, for this will not be productive. You have to seek for people who are ready, willing and able to connect with you at this deeper level. If you try to improve someone else or bring them to this greater state of recognition, you will be wasting your time, which is precious and should not be wasted.

你不能等待他们，或试图教育或启发他们，因为这不会有成效。你必须寻找那些准备好、愿意并能够在这个更深层次的层面上与你联接的人。如果你试图改善他人，或让他们进入这个更伟大的认知状态，你就是在浪费你的时间，而你的时间是宝贵的，不应该被浪费。

What you are really looking for here is Knowledge in others. You are no longer swayed by beauty, wealth and charm as you might have been before. Now you are listening for a deeper quality, a deeper spirituality, a deeper awareness. And surprisingly perhaps to you, you will not find it in many people.

你真正寻求的是他人身上的内识。你不再像以前那样被美貌、财富和魅力所左右。现在，你正在倾听一种更深层次的品质、一种更深层次的精神、一种更深层次的觉知。也许令你惊讶的是，你不会在很多人身上找到它。

You will not find it in the beautiful people, the charming people, the wealthy people, the socially popular people; the people who are aggressive and ambitious; the people who are constantly selling themselves; the people who are caught up in political persuasions; the people who are extraordinarily intellectual. If they do not have this deeper capacity yet, it will be evident, and Knowledge within you will not respond to them. Knowledge within you will not criticize them or condemn them. They are just not there yet. And this will give you a very different understanding of what real advancement is in an individual’s development.

你不会在美丽的人、迷人的人、富有的人、社会受欢迎的人、积极进取和雄心勃勃的人、不断推销他们自己的人、陷入政治说服的人、智力超群的人身上找到它。如果他们还没有这种更深层次的能力，那将是显而易见的，你内在的内识不会对他们做出回应。你内在的内识不会批评他们或谴责他们。他们只是还没有到达那里。这将让你对个人发展中真正的进步有非常不同的理解。

Placing all your emphasis on beauty and charm is clearly superficial, but so is placing all your emphasis on intellectual brilliance, and you will see this. You are listening for something deeper in yourself now, and that is why you are listening for something deeper in others. It is not just that you share ideas or beliefs. You may talk about spirituality, you may talk about God, you may talk about inspiration, but that does not mean there is a deeper connection at all.

把所有的重点放在美貌和魅力上显然是肤浅的，但把所有的重点放在智力上也是如此，你会看到这一点。你现在正在倾听你自己内心更深层次的内识，这就是为什么你在倾听他人内心更深层次的内识。这不仅仅是你分享想法或信仰。你可能会谈论精神性，你可能会谈论上帝，你可能会谈论灵感，但这并不意味着有一种更深层次的联接。

One area that confuses people, gravely, is if they have a former association with someone from the distant past, they might think this is a deeper connection. There is something about the other person that they relate to, but they may not know what it is. Yet this is still at the surface of the mind. It does not represent a deeper connection necessarily.

一个让人严重困惑的方面是，如果他们与某个人过去有过某种联系，他们可能会认为这是一种更深层次的联接。他们与对方身上的某些东西有过联接，但他们可能不知道那是什么。然而，这仍然停留在心灵的表面。它不一定代表着一种更深层次的联接。

How will you know the difference? You will know the difference because Knowledge within you will respond to Knowledge in another. And if that Knowledge is not apparent or is not active, then Knowledge will not respond. You may be personally impacted by another person, you may be intrigued, you may be curious, you may be impressed, but within you, Knowledge will not respond.

你如何知道其中的差别？你会知道其中的差别，因为你内在的内识会回应他人的内识。如果对方内识不明显或不活跃，那么内识就不会回应。你可能会受到他人的个人影响，你可能会被吸引，你可能会好奇，你可能会留下深刻的印象，但你内在的内识不会回应。

This is everything, you see. The more you can feel Knowledge’s response to other people, the more this will become ever clearer to you. This will prevent you from making a mistake in discerning another.

你看，这就是一切。你越能感受到内识对其他人的回应，你就越能清楚地认识到这一点。这将防止你在辨别他人时犯错误。

Here your mind must be clear and neutral. You cannot be judging, comparing and condemning other people, or you will never know the power of Knowledge within yourself. People are always judging one another, and this keeps them from recognizing one another or carrying on a deeper evaluation, which has nothing to do with condemnation at all.

在这里，你的心灵必须清晰和中立。你不能评判、比较和谴责他人，否则你永远无法知道你内在内识的力量。人们总是在评判彼此，这阻止他们认识彼此或进行一种更深层次的评估，这与谴责完全无关。

You are looking for the evidence of Spirit in another, not just a conversation about Spirit, not just a liveliness in their personality. You are looking for something deeper in them because perhaps you have reached the point now where you are looking for something deeper in yourself, and you see that wittiness and charm, beauty and extravagance, or even shared ideas, hobbies and so forth really is not it.

你在观察另一个人身上精神的证据，而不只是关于精神的对话，也不只是他们人格中的活力。你在观察他们身上更深层次的内识，因为也许你现在已经达到了在你自己身上寻找更深层次的内识的地步，你看到机智和魅力、美貌和奢侈，甚至共享的想法、爱好等等都不是真正的精神。

To your surprise, you find there are very few people who seem to have this deeper quality that you can discern, and that Knowledge within you really does not respond to many people at all. And you feel alone, and you wonder if there really is anyone else.

令你惊讶的是，你发现似乎很少有人拥有这种你能辨别的更深层次的品质，而你内在的内识实际上对很多人根本没有回应。你感到孤独，你想知道是否真的还有其他人。

Here you will have to be willing to be alone if you are to have this level of integrity within yourself. Here you will have to be true to Knowledge. If Knowledge is not responding, you do not need to respond. You can be friendly, you can be courteous—that is valuable—but you must be reserved.

在这里，如果你希望拥有这种程度的内在完整性，那么你必须愿意独处。在这里，你必须忠于内识。如果内识没有回应，那么你也不需要回应。你可以友善，你可以彬彬有礼——这是有价值的——但你必须矜持。

If there is nothing there, there is nothing there. And if you realize there is no value and there is only unfortunate consequence in amplifying the attractive features of a person at the surface of their existence, then you will have to face the reality that there are but a few that you can deeply connect with.

如果什么都没有，那就什么都没有。如果你意识到一个人的存在没有价值，放大其表面的吸引力只会带来不幸的后果，那么你必须面对这样一个现实：能与你深入交流的人屈指可数。

This will keep you from filling up your life with people and activities and involvements that really do not have anything important to offer and do not represent any serious or meaningful engagement for you. Here it is better to be largely alone than to have your life filled with people and engagements that have nothing to do with your greater purpose and destiny in the world.

这样，你的生命就不会被一些人、活动和参与所填满，而这些人、活动和参与其实并没有什么重要的意义，对你来说也不代表任何严肃或有意义的参与。在这里，与其让你的生命充斥着与你在这个世界上的更伟大目的和天命无关的人和活动，不如在很大程度上独善其身。

Relationships take time. Serious relationships take a great deal of time. So many people are losing their lives, their time and their energy involved in relationships that have no greater capacity or greater destiny for them because they do not want to be alone. They are afraid that the person or the persons they are looking for truly may never arrive, so they will say to themselves, “Well, this relationship is not perfect, but if I wait, there may be nothing better for me.”

关系需要时间。认真的关系需要花费大量时间。许多人因为不想独处而浪费生命、时间和能量，而这些关系对他们来说没有更伟大的能力或更伟大的天命。他们害怕他们真正寻找的人或那些特定的人可能永远不会到来，所以他们会对他们自己说：“好吧，这种关系并不完美，但如果我等待，可能就没有更好的人了。”

You have to be very careful what you tell yourself here. You must have faith in Knowledge and faith in life to bring into your life those people whom you are really destined to meet, who really have a great impact on your life, who will play a significant role in your own development and accomplishments in the world. You must build this faith.

你必须非常小心你在这里告诉你自己的话。你必须对内识有信仰，对生命有信仰，这样你才能把那些你真正注定会遇见的人、那些真正会对你的生命产生伟大影响的人、那些将在你的自身发展和世界上的成就中发挥重要作用的人带入你的生命。你必须建立这种信仰。

If you are alone now, it is a valuable time to build your connection to Knowledge, for Knowledge represents your most profound and important relationship. If this is not established, if this is not fully established, then your relationship with everyone else will be out of sync—lacking clarity and purpose, lacking meaning—and your life will be filled with people, engagements, activities and commitments that will never create a real opening for you.

如果你现在是独处的，那么这是构建你和内识联接的一个宝贵时间，因为内识代表着你最深刻、最重要的关系。如果这个关系没有建立，如果这个关系没有充分建立，那么你和其他人的关系将不同步——缺乏明晰和目的，缺乏意义——你的生命将被各种人、约定、活动和承诺所充斥，而这些永远不会为你创造一个真正的开放。

Beyond your need to go to work and to earn a living and to build your education for opportunities in the world, there is this greater destiny you have with certain people, and that is really what you are looking for. But you must be patient. You must see that there is an appropriateness to when these people appear in your life.

除了你需要工作、谋生和接受教育以获得世界上的机会之外，你与特定的人有着更伟大的天命，而这才是你真正在寻找的。但你必须有耐心。你必须看到，这些人出现在你生命中是恰当的。

Timing is very important. Many people think they are ready for true partnership, but they do not know what it is for, and perhaps they are armored against this realization. So if they met the right person, they would not be ready to participate with them, and this would produce a great and profound conflict.

时机非常重要。许多人认为他们已经准备好建立真实的伙伴关系，但他们不知道这是为了什么，也许他们对这种认知心存畏惧。所以，如果他们遇到了合适的人，他们不会准备好与他们合作，这将产生一种巨大而深刻的冲突。

You must be ready for a greater relationship. You must know where you are going. You must have a deeper sense of your purpose and destiny. Even if it is not fully defined yet, it must be real and strong for you. You must be willing not to give yourself to other attractions. You must know enough not to give yourself to other seductions. You must be willing to wait and to build the Four Pillars of your life—the Pillar of Health, the Pillar of Work, the Pillar of your Spiritual Development and the Pillar of Relationships.

你必须为一个更伟大的关系做好准备。你必须知道你要去哪里。你必须对你的目的和天命有更深层次的感觉。即使它还没有完全确定，但它对你来说必须是真实而强大的。你必须愿意不把你自己交给其他的吸引力。你必须足够知道，不把你自己交给其他的诱惑。你必须愿意等待，并构建你生命的四大支柱——健康支柱、工作支柱、你的精神发展支柱和关系支柱。

Part of your education here is really learning what does not work. It is more a process of elimination. As long as you are drawn by beauty, wealth and charm, you do not yet have the discernment to see what is really meaningful and important. If you have never really felt a deep connection with another, do not think it is not possible and meant for you.

你在这里所受的教育的一部分实际上是学习什么是行不通的。这更像是一个排除的过程。只要你被美貌、财富和魅力所吸引，你就还没有辨别力去看到什么是真正有意义和重要的。如果你从未真正感受到与他人的一种深度联接，就不要认为这是不可能的，也不要认为这不适合你。

You have a greater destiny in the world. And there are others who are part of this destiny and who will play a significant role in its discovery and expression. This is an article of faith for you now, for not all your needs can be met in this moment, nor should they be met.

你在世界上拥有一个更伟大的天命。还有其他人是这个天命的一部分，他们将在发现和表达这个天命的过程中扮演一个重要角色。现在这对你来说是一个信仰，因为你所有的需求都无法在此刻得到满足，也不应该得到满足。

You have to have a sound relationship with your mind and your body. You have to develop your health. You have to develop your Pillar of Work. You have so many things to do now to build your foundation in life. You have the Steps to Knowledge to take to build your connection with Knowledge. No one should be pining away for a relationship when they have all of this work to do to build their foundation.

你必须与你的心灵和你的身体保持良好的关系。你必须发展你的健康。你必须发展你的工作支柱。你现在有很多事情要做来建立你生命的基础。你有内识进阶要走，来建立你与内识的联接。当他们有所有这些工作要做来建立他们的基础时，没有人应该渴望一段关系。

A relationship cannot take the place of this, ever. You cannot be waiting for someone to give you all the meaning and value of your life. For if you do not have this foundation, you will not be able to participate with them. You will not have the strength, the courage or the self-honesty to be able to participate with someone in a greater way. It will only be a relationship of convenience, a relationship of advantage, a relationship of attachment, a relationship filled with fantasies and expectations that will fail in the face of a real life.

一段关系永远都不能取代这一点。你不能等待某人给你生命的全部意义和价值。因为如果你没有这个基础，你就无法与他们参与。你将没有力量、勇气或自我诚实来以更伟大的方式与某人参与。它只会是一种便利的关系、一种利益的关系、一种依恋的关系、一种充满幻想和期望的关系，在一个实际生命面前它将失败。

So people are attracted and then disappointed, constantly. They are not finding what they are really looking for in one another because they are not looking for the right things. They have not built the patience and the clarity and the discernment within themselves to really know what this means.

因此，人们总是先被吸引，然后又失望。他们没有在彼此身上找到他们真正想要的内识，因为他们没有寻找正确的东西。他们没有在他们自己内心建立起耐心、清晰度和辨别力来真正理解这意味着什么。

Discernment in relationships is very significant, for you can give your life away so very easily. It can be so easy to get involved and so difficult to free yourself later. There are many seductions and many traps. Look around you and see how people have fallen prey to these things. Look without condemnation. Look with the desire to learn, for people are committing every possible form of self-violation out there, particularly in their relationships.

关系中的辨别力非常重要，因为你可以如此轻易地放弃你的生命。很容易陷入其中，但之后很难摆脱。有许多诱惑和陷阱。看看你周围，看看人们是如何成为这些事情的牺牲品。不要谴责地看。带着学习的渴望去看，因为人们正在犯下各种可能的自我侵犯形式，特别是在他们的人际关系中。

They will teach you the consequences of choosing wrongly—of being attracted by meaningless things; of being seduced by others; of being trapped in relationships, held in place by someone else, unable to extricate yourself, sold on a relationship because there is nothing better or there is something there you want: financial security, beauty and charm, shared interests.

他们会告诉你错误选择的后果——被毫无意义的事物所吸引；被他人引诱；陷入人际关系中，被他人束缚，无法自拔，被一段关系所束缚，因为没有更好的选择，或者因为那里有你想要的事物：经济保障、美貌和魅力、共同的兴趣。

But none of these things really constitutes a real connection with another. None of them speaks of a greater purpose and destiny in life. They are all momentary attractions. And if you commit yourself to momentary attractions, time will be very disappointing to you.

但这些都不能真正构成与他人的一种真正联接。它们都不能说明生命的更伟大目的和天命。它们都是短暂的吸引力。如果你沉迷于短暂的吸引力，时间会让你非常失望。

So you must have the strength and the faith and the confidence to wait, to look and listen. Do not just shut people out. Really listen to them. Listen for Knowledge within yourself as you listen to them. If Knowledge is not responding, beyond simple courtesy, you do not need to respond, nor should you.

所以你必须有力量、信仰和信心去等待、观察和聆听。不要只是把人们拒之门外。真正地倾听他们。当你倾听他们时，倾听你内心的内识。如果内识没有回应，除了简单的礼貌之外，你不需要回应，也不应该回应。

You are looking for one or two or three people who will make the great difference in your life. Perhaps one will become a life partner. Perhaps one will be a great teacher. Perhaps one will be a great companion in your work. Perhaps one will just teach you momentarily something of immense value or point your life in a direction, showing you the way to go.

你正在寻找一、二或三个能给你的生命带来伟大改变的人。也许一个人会成为你生命的伴侣。也许一个人会成为你的好老师。也许一个人会成为你工作上的好伙伴。也许一个人会暂时教你一些非常有价值的事情，或者给你的生命指明方向，告诉你前进的方向。

You might need other people for simple things—to provide goods and services, for simple companionship, for lighthearted enjoyment, but do not give yourself away to them. Do not give yourself away to anyone until you have built this deeper foundation within yourself. Do not let impatience or compulsion drive you. Do not let the persuasions of others or the power of seduction drive you.

你可能为了简单的事情而需要其他人——提供商品和服务、简单的陪伴、轻松的享受，但不要把你自己交给他们。在你内心建立起这个更深层次的基础之前，不要把你自己交给任何人。不要让急躁或冲动驱使你。不要让他人的劝说或诱惑的力量驱使你。

Take your time. Do not hurry into any relationship. Listen to others carefully, to hear what their presence in your life means, if it means anything at all.

慢慢来。不要急于开始一段感情。仔细倾听他人，听听他们的存在对你的生命意味着什么，如果它真的意味着什么的话。

If you are patient and observant, you will know. If you are reckless and compulsive, your life will be calamitous, and you will have a string of failed relationships, or be circumscribed in an unhappy marriage or other arrangements with people.

如果你有耐心和观察力，你就会知道。如果你鲁莽和冲动，你的生命就会充满灾难，你会经历一连串失败的恋情，或者被不幸福的婚姻或其他人际关系所束缚。

The longer you are in a relationship that does not have this greater promise, the harder it will be to free yourself, for you will become dependent upon security and familiarity. You will need the person more than you really want to be with them. And this is a dreadful trap—dreadful to the Spirit, dreadful in that it pre-empts you from finding your greater purpose and the individuals who will make all the difference in your discovery and expression of this purpose.

你处于一段没有这种更伟大承诺的关系中的时间越长，你就越难使你自己自由，因为你将变得依赖安全感和熟悉感。你将需要这个人，而不是真正想和他们在一起。这是一个可怕的陷阱——对精神来说是可怕的，可怕的是它阻止你找到你的更伟大目的，以及那些将对你发现和表达这个目的产生伟大影响的人。

Do not worry that you are getting older. Do not let that drive your decisions. If you are not meant to meet the significant partner for three years, let Us say as an example, what are you going to do in the next three years? Go in and out of relationship, experience frustration, heartbreak, anger, resentment, disappointment, burning up your life over engagements that have no promise, while the Four Pillars of your life remain undeveloped and unrecognized?

不要担心你正在变老。不要让这影响你的决定。如果你注定三年内不会遇到重要的伴侣，让我们举个例子，你打算在未来三年做什么？在感情中进进出出，经历挫折、心碎、愤怒、怨恨、失望，在没有承诺的约定上耗尽你的生命，而你生命的四大支柱却仍未得到发展和认识？

Can you be out of relationship for three years while you are building other aspects of your life? If you cannot, then you have a problem with personality addiction, and this has nothing to do with real relationships. This is a personality disorder.

你能在建立生命的其他方面时，三年不谈恋爱吗？如果你不能，那么你就有人格成瘾的问题，这与真正的关系无关。这是一种人格障碍。

Can you face loneliness and emptiness? Or must you have constant stimulation, constant romance, constant infatuation—and with it all the disappointment, frustration and disapproval that this generates? You will waste your life and other people’s lives doing this.

你能面对孤独和空虚吗？还是你必须不断受到刺激、不断被浪漫、不断被迷恋——以及随之而来的所有失望、沮丧和不满？这样做会浪费你的生命和其他人的生命。

Yet it is not necessary, you see. Constant searching, constant hoping and [waiting] for someone—this is pointless and unnecessary, you see. For when you are ready, Knowledge will bring into your life the individual that you need and the people that you need for other parts of your life.

然而你看，这没有必要。你看，不断地寻找，不断地希望和等待某人——这是毫无意义和不必要的。因为当你准备好时，内识将把你需要的个人和你生命其他部分所需要的人带进你的生命。

Do not think that everyone that crosses your path has been destined to meet you. If you have many engagements with people, many people will be crossing your path. You might have momentary encounters with them. They too are looking for certain individuals. Everyone is looking even if they are pretending not to be looking.

不要认为每个与你相遇的人都注定会遇见你。如果你与许多人有约会，那么许多人会与你相遇。你可能会与他们短暂相遇。他们也在寻找特定的人。每个人都在寻找，即使他们假装没有在寻找。

But it must be the real engagement, you see. Knowledge will know. If you are strong with Knowledge, you will know. You will feel Knowledge’s response. It will be clear. It will be simple.

但你必须真正参与其中。内识会知道。如果你是内识的强者，你就会知道。你会感受到内识的回应。它会很清晰。它会很简单。

Perhaps you will meet someone, and Knowledge will say, “Ah, this is your husband, or your wife, you are meeting here.” None of this drama and excitement and infatuation and personal suffering and anguish that people go through in their romantic endeavors, their romantic escapades—just recognition.

或许你会遇见某人，而内识会说：“啊，这是你的丈夫，或者你的妻子，你们就在这里见面。”这里没有那些人们在浪漫追求中经历的戏剧性情节、兴奋、迷恋、个人痛苦和挣扎——只有认知。

Then you have to see if the person is really ready for this and if, in fact, this is who they are in your life. And you take your time doing that. It does not have all the glory and sensation and extravagance that you see in the movie picture. It is a simple recognition because the resonance is there. The connection is there.

然后，你要看看对方是否真的准备好了，以及事实上，他们在你的生命中是否就是这样的人。你要慢慢来。它并不像你在电影画面中看到的那样，有所有的荣耀、轰动和奢华。这是一种简单的认知，因为共鸣就在那里。联系就在那里。

The right person is the right person. Now you must discern if they are ready for this and if you are ready for this. Then you must learn of their traits and their values to see if there is sufficient compatibility between you, to allow a relationship to be formed and sustained. You may have a greater destiny, but that does not mean that you can function successfully together. So you will have to wait and see.

正确的人就是正确的人。现在你必须辨别他们是否为此做好了准备，你是否也做好了准备。然后你必须了解他们的特质和价值观，看看你们之间是否有足够的兼容性，以允许一段关系形成和维持。你们可能拥有更伟大的天命，但这并不意味着你们能够成功地在一起运作。所以你必须拭目以待。

If you value your life, you will not want to give it away. You will not want to gamble it. You have nothing to lose by taking time to see. If this is really the person for you, they are not going to go away. You can afford to take time.

如果你珍惜你的生命，你就不会想放弃它。你不会想拿它去赌博。花时间去了解他，你不会有任何损失。如果这个人真的适合你，他也不会离开你。你可以花时间去了解他。

For a relationship to function in the world, it must have a sufficient degree of compatibility. That does not mean you are completely the same, of course not. But you must have compatibility regarding your values, regarding your lifestyle, regarding your use of money, regarding how you look at work, regarding really the Four Pillars of your life.

一段关系要想在世界上正常运转，就必须具有足够的兼容性。这并不意味着你们完全一样，当然不是。但你们的价值观、生活方式、金钱使用方式、工作观以及生命的四大支柱都必须兼容。

Here you cannot rehabilitate anyone, for they are either ready or they are not. They are either right, or they are not. The relationship is going to work, or it is not.

在这里，你无法挽救任何人，因为他们要么准备好了，要么还没准备好。他们要么正确，要么错误。这段关系要么会成功，要么不会成功。

All this work that people do on their relationships is foolishness. It means the relationship does not work, and they have to keep trying to make it work. And they invest time and money and energy and sometimes their whole life into trying to make something work that really just does not work. They have no idea that if the relationship worked, they would not have to invest this kind of time. Yes, there are corrections and learning to be done in being together. But if you are always working on a relationship, it does not work. Spare yourself this fundamental lesson in life that can occupy so much of your life to learn.

人们为维持关系所做的一切努力都是愚蠢的。这意味着这段关系行不通，而他们必须继续努力使它行得通。他们投入时间、金钱、精力，有时甚至投入一生来试图让一段实际上行不通的关系行得通。他们根本不知道，如果这段关系行得通，他们就不需要投入这么多时间。是的，在一起时需要纠正和学习。但是，如果你总是在为一段关系而努力，这段关系就不会起作用。不要让你自己浪费了生命中最基本的一课，因为它可能会占据你生命中太多的时间去学习。

Knowledge will know. But then you must find out the particulars of a person’s life to see if you can communicate, if you can share your values, if you can be together harmoniously.

内识会知道。但是，你必须了解一个人的生活细节，看看你们是否能够沟通，是否能够分享你们的价值观，是否能够和谐地相处。

Sometimes people are attracted to people very different from themselves, but these relationships almost never are successful. They require too much adjustment, too much conflict, too much disparity, too much personal adjustment.

有时，人们会被与他们自己截然不同的人所吸引，但这种关系几乎从未成功过。它们需要太多的调整、太多的冲突、太多的差异、太多的个人调整。

If you are with someone whose values are very different from yours, you will never be comfortable with them, and your being together will never be smooth and easy.

如果你和一个价值观与你截然不同的人在一起，你永远不会感到舒服，你们的相处也永远不会顺利和轻松。

This is not about falling in love. You can fall in love with someone you could never be in a relationship with. So infatuation or even recognition does not mean a relationship. This is another great lesson of life.

这与坠入爱河无关。你可能会爱上一个你永远无法建立关系的人。所以迷恋甚至认可并不意味着建立关系。这是生命的另一个重要教训。

Perhaps you will fall in love with many people over the course of your life, but you cannot marry them all. Some are personality infatuations. Some represent relationships from the ancient past that you are now re-experiencing and want to experience again. And some represent real connections that could not be brought into being because the people were not ready or mature enough to participate effectively together. In the moment, you will not know what is what.

也许在你的生命中，你会爱上许多人，但你无法和他们所有人结婚。有些是人格的迷恋。有些代表着你现在正在重新体验并想再次体验的古老关系。有些代表着真正的联接，但无法建立，因为人们还没有准备好或足够成熟，无法有效地一起参与。在这一刻，你不会知道什么是真正的联接。

So be careful about letting yourself become so infatuated with anyone. Do not want and try to be in love. That is blind and foolish. There are many people who could excite the deeper passions of the heart with whom you could never function together.

所以要小心不要让你自己对任何人如此迷恋。不要希望爱情或试图陷入爱情。这是盲目和愚蠢的。有许多人可以激起你内心深处的激情，但你永远无法与他们共事。

You can be in love with someone whose values are so different from yours that you could not stand to be together beyond the initial romantic phase. You would constantly be arguing, constantly in friction, constantly disagreeing, constantly maladapting to each other.

你可能会爱上一个价值观与你截然不同的人，以至于你们无法忍受在最初的浪漫阶段之后继续在一起。你们会不断争吵，不断产生摩擦，不断产生分歧，不断地不适应对方。

People fall in love and get married without any idea of what they are doing in their lives or where they are going. They just assume if you are in love, you should be married. [This is] a great mistake. You might feel spontaneous love for someone, but do not let yourself go overboard with that.

人们坠入爱河并结婚，却不知道他们的生命会怎样，也不知道他们要去哪里。他们只是假设如果你恋爱了，你就应该结婚。[这是]一个极大的错误。你可能会自发地爱上一个人，但不要让你自己过度投入。

In relationship, you are choosing your primary influence. You are assigning the person to be your chief influence, your chief advisor. It is a practical arrangement, not just an emotional one.

在关系中，你正在选择你的主要影响者。你正在指定一个人作为你的主要影响者、你的主要顾问。这是一种实际的安排，而不仅仅是一种情感上的安排。

Do not think if you work hard enough, if you love enough, you will make it all work. This is foolishness. You will have to work at relationship, certainly, to a degree. You will have to adapt, certainly, to a degree. You will have to relinquish some of your personal freedoms and recklessness to be in a real relationship, of course. You will have to be attentive. You will have to be honest. You will have to be engaged. But people take this to mean that they can make a relationship work with someone whom they want for themselves, and this is a cruel error.

不要认为只要你足够努力，只要你足够爱，你就能让一切顺利。这是愚蠢的。你当然必须在一定程度上努力经营一段关系。你当然必须在一定程度上适应。当然，为了建立一段真正的关系，你必须放弃一些个人自由和鲁莽。你必须细心。你必须诚实。你必须投入。但人们认为这意味着他们可以和他们想要的人建立一段关系，这是一个残酷的错误。

If you feel like you are going to fall in love with someone, hold yourself back, keep your eyes open. This is a very important learning, very necessary for you to become mature and wise.

如果你觉得你会爱上某人，请克制你自己，睁大眼睛。这是一门非常重要的学问，对你变得成熟和明智非常必要。

To be swept along by impressions and infatuations; to allow yourself to be seduced by others; to be overtaken by beauty, wealth or charm is such a form of self-betrayal. It is such a dangerous involvement. It has such profoundly difficult and unfortunate consequences.

被印象和痴情所左右，被他人所诱惑，被美貌、财富或魅力所征服，都是自我背叛的一种表现。这是一种非常危险的行为。它会带来极其困难和不幸的后果。

You have to be very careful here. Who you associate with and how you associate with them has all the bearing for your life, for the kind of life you will have, and the opportunities that you will have.

在这里，你必须非常小心。你与谁交往，如何交往，对你的生命、你将拥有的生命以及你将获得的机会都有至关重要的影响。

Likewise, do not become sexually engaged with anyone unless it represents a real partnership for you, for sexuality is a commitment by its very nature. You may think of it as a casual involvement, but emotionally it is never casual. Your relationship will never be the same. And if it cannot fulfill itself at a greater level, it will be disappointing. And that will generate resentment and failed expectations—disappointment.

同样，除非这对你来说代表着真正的伴侣关系，否则不要与任何人发生性关系，因为性本质上是一种承诺。你可能认为这是一种随意的参与，但从情感上来说，它永远不会是随意的。你们的关系将永远不一样。如果它不能在更伟大的层面上满足自身，它就会令人失望。而这会产生怨恨和期望的落空——失望。

You can never just be a friend with someone who was once a lover, for you have crossed a threshold where you are pretending to be in a real relationship even though perhaps you never were.

你永远不可能和曾经的恋人只是朋友，因为你已跨越了假装处于真正恋爱关系中的门槛，尽管也许你们从来就没有真正恋爱过。

Sexuality is wonderful with the right person and damaging with the wrong person. Never treat this lightly. Never think of this as a casual, recreational kind of involvement. To your body, it is the real thing. To your emotions, it is serious because it is consequential.

和正确的人发生性关系是美妙的，和错误的人发生性关系则是有害的。千万不要轻视性行为。千万不要把它当成一种随意的、消遣性的参与。对于你的身体来说，它是真实的事情。对于你的情绪来说，它是严肃的，因为它会带来后果。

Here you may have to hold yourself back and learn to restrain yourself, or you will give yourself away recklessly, hopelessly and produce great damage. And as a result, you will never know what is really true within yourself.

在这里，你可能不得不抑制你自己，学会克制你自己，否则你就会肆无忌惮地、毫无希望地放弃你自己，造成巨大的伤害。结果，你将永远无法知道你自己内心的真正想法。

People use each other so thoughtlessly in this regard and give themselves away so thoughtlessly in this regard. Particularly in the more free nations, the democratic nations, people have such access to each other that they can indulge themselves at great damage to themselves and to other people—damaging their own integrity and the integrity of another, playing with the affections of another, pretending to be serious when in fact they have no real intentions here. Do not play these games with yourself or with others, for they produce nothing but harm.

人们在这一点上如此不加思索地利用对方，如此不加思索地出卖他们自己。特别是在更自由的国家，民主国家，人们彼此接触如此密切，以至于他们可以放纵他们自己，对他们自己和他人造成巨大伤害——损害他们自己的完整性和他人的完整性，玩弄他人的感情，假装认真，而实际上他们并没有真正的意图。不要对你自己或他人玩这些游戏，因为它们只会造成伤害。

You will see through disappointment here that you really do have deeper intentions regarding relationships. You have a more serious intention here. What is that? And what does that mean? What does that require? And what are you really looking for in another? And are you yourself ready to be in a relationship of a greater nature, or are you only pretending and flirting?

透过这里的失望，你将看到，你确实对关系有着更深层次的意图。你在这里有一个更严肃的意图。它是什么？它意味着什么？它需要什么？你在另一个人身上真正寻找的是什么？你自己是否准备好进入一种更伟大性质的关系，还是你只是在假装和调情？

People commit themselves before they are ready. They get married before they are ready. They give their life away before they even know what their life is for, where it is going or what it really means. This happens all the time.

人们在他们自己还没准备好时就承诺了一切。他们还没准备好就结婚了。他们甚至还没有知道他们的生命是为了什么、要去哪里或生命的真正意义，就放弃了他们的生命。这种情况经常发生。

So you have unhappy marriages and unhappy families. People are trapped. People are unhappy. People have capitulated. And now you have unhappy children being taught all the lessons of compromise that their parents have made.

因此，婚姻不幸，家庭不幸。人们陷入困境。人们不快乐。人们屈服了。现在，不幸的孩子被灌输了父母做出的所有妥协教训。

To break this pattern, to break free of this reality that people have created, you must follow a deeper Knowledge within yourself and know what this means and how it feels, what it feels like to be restrained by Knowledge.

为了打破这种模式，为了摆脱人们所创造的这种现实，你必须遵循你自己内在的一种更深层次的内识，知道这意味着什么，它是什么感觉，被内识约束是什么感觉。

Take your decisions to Knowledge. If Knowledge is not choosing, well, you do not need to choose. If Knowledge is not saying yes, then do not say yes. If Knowledge is silent, then you be silent. If Knowledge is not committing itself, do not commit yourself.

把你的决定交给内识。如果内识不做选择，那么你就不需要选择。如果内识不说是，那么就不要说是。如果内识沉默，那么你就保持沉默。如果内识不承诺，你自己就不应该承诺。

If it is not a yes, it is a no. There are no maybes. Do not tantalize yourself with that. That is trying to get what you want in the face of all the evidence that you are on the wrong track. So there is no maybe.

如果不是肯定的，那就是否定的。没有可能。不要用这个来诱惑你自己。这是在面对所有证据表明你走错了路的情况下试图得到你想要的东西。所以没有可能。

Take your time. Look and listen to another. Do not become sexually involved with them. Do not be pressured to do so.

慢慢来。观察并倾听对方。不要与他们发生性关系。不要迫于压力这样做。

People will tell you all about themselves right away: their behavior, their intentions, their self-honesty, their interests, their values, their sincerity or lack of it, their self-awareness or lack of it. Do not be convinced by appearances. You must look deeper than this.

人们会立即告诉你关于他们自己的一切：他们的行为、他们的意图、他们的诚实、他们的兴趣、他们的价值观、他们的真诚或缺乏真诚、他们的自我觉知或缺乏自我觉知。不要被外表所说服。你必须看得更深。

This will save your life. Later on, you will think back and say, “Oh my God, I could have married this person. Oh my God, I could have become involved with this person.” And if your life is really moving in the right direction, you will see what a calamity that would have been and how that would have used up such a great part of your life to try to get clear and to extricate yourself from that situation. And when you finally meet the people you need to meet, you will be so grateful you did not compromise before. You will be so grateful.

这会挽救你的生命。以后，你会回想起来说：“天哪，我本可以嫁给这个人。天哪，我本可以和这个人交往。”如果你的生命真的朝着正确的方向发展，你就会发现那将是一场多么大的灾难，你将耗费生命中如此多的时间来努力摆脱困境。当你最终遇到你需要遇见的人时，你会非常庆幸你之前没有妥协。你会非常感激。

Ultimately, your focus must be on contribution in the world—where you are meant to be, what you are meant to do, where you are meant to give. If this is the focus of your life, then relationships will either be a part of that, or they will not. And it will be very much easier to see if a person can fit into that or not.

最终，你的重点必须放在对世界的贡献上——你注定要身处何方、你注定要做什么、你注定要给予什么。如果这是你生命的重心，那么关系要么是其中的一部分，要么不是。而且，你会更容易看出一个人是否适合这一点。

That is why focusing on the presence of Knowledge and learning to read the signs of your own deeper inclinations are so extremely important before you become committed to another. Here you are seeking the kingdom first. You are seeking the reality of your life first. You are trying to discern a deeper direction.

正因为如此，在你承诺另一个人之前，专注于内识的存在并学会解读你自己更深层次倾向的迹象是如此极其重要。在这里，你首先寻求王国。你首先寻求你生命的现实。你试图辨别一个更深层次的方向。

You are willing to be alone to do this. You are willing to forgo immediate gratification to do this because it is so much more important. You will hold yourself back for this.

你愿意独处去做这件事。你愿意放弃眼前的满足去做这件事，因为这更重要。你会为此保留你自己。

If you are not extremely physically attractive, it is such an advantage here because the people who are very physically attractive are being constantly bombarded with offers and persuasions and seductions. They are being given power and recognition though they have never really earned it through any real merit. They are being seduced, and they will seduce themselves. And you will rarely find a highly physically attractive person who has ever cultivated any depth within themselves. They have become a product to be bought and sold. They are a resource for others. Unless they can see beyond this deception, they will fall prey to it.

如果你的外貌并不出众，那么在这里，你的优势就非常明显，因为那些外貌出众的人不断受到各种邀约、劝诱和诱惑。他们被赋予权力和认可，尽管他们从未通过任何真正的功绩赢得这些权力和认可。他们被诱惑，他们也会引诱他们自己。你很少能找到一个外表极具吸引力的人，他们曾经培养过任何内在的深度。他们已经成为一种可以买卖的产品。他们是他人的资源。除非他们能看透这种欺骗，否则他们就会成为这种欺骗的牺牲品。

As long as you are not hiding from people and avoiding people and denying people, you will be able to see where the connections could possibly be. But in the interim, your real purpose and emphasis and priority is to discern the presence of Knowledge and the signs of a deeper purpose in your life. For whoever you meet must be connected to this Knowledge and this purpose if you are to be with them successfully and if this relationship is to yield anything of real value and importance.

只要你不躲避人们、不回避人们、不否认人们，你就能看到其中可能存在的联接。但在此期间，你的真正目的、重点和优先任务是分辨内识的存在以及你生命中一个更深层次目的的迹象。因为无论你遇到谁，如果你要成功地与他们在一起，如果这种关系要产生任何真正有价值和重要的事情，他们都必须与这个内识和目的相联接。

Take the Steps to Knowledge then. Learn from the wisdom of others’ mistakes and your own errors in judgment. Learn to be clear and sober. Do not condemn people, and do not become infatuated with them either. Do not base your expectations upon potential in others, for what you see today is really what you have in front of you.

因此，开展内识之路。从他人的错误和你自己的判断失误中汲取智慧。学会清醒和冷静。不要责怪他人，也不要被他人迷惑。不要把你的期望建立在他人身上的潜力上，因为你今天所看到的，实际就摆在你的眼前。

There are so many important lessons here in discernment. But they all must be practiced to be realized. Take your past and evaluate it. Watch others clearly so that their accomplishments and mistakes can educate you. Let the world teach you what is true and how to distinguish it from what is not true, what is really good from what only looks good.

这里有许多重要的辨别力课程。但所有这些课程都必须实践才能实现。回顾你的过去并评估它。清楚地观察他人，以便他们的成就和错误可以教育你。让世界教你什么是真实的，以及如何区分真实与虚假，什么是真正的好，什么是仅仅看起来的好。

Be sober. Be clear. Do not give your life away. Build your connection to Knowledge. Begin to discern the evidence that you are here for a greater purpose. Do this without coming to conclusions. Just allow the evidence to grow.

要清醒。要清晰。不要放弃你的生命。建立你与内识的联接。开始辨别你来此是为了一个更伟大目的的证据。不要下结论。只是让证据不断增长。

Feel Knowledge moving you and holding you back. Take good care of your mind and your body. Be present to others, but be reserved. Then you will have the freedom to practice this deeper discernment, and you will see how invaluable it is and how it is so lacking in other people’s discernment and decision making.

感受内识正在推动你，也在组织你。好好照顾你的心灵和你的身体。与他人相处，但要有所保留。然后，你将有自由去实践这种更深层次的辨别力，你会看到它是多么宝贵，而其他人的辨别力和决策能力又是多么缺乏它。

Knowledge is here to take you somewhere, to prepare you, to strengthen you, to show you the difference between what is real and what is not real.

在这里，内识可以带你去往特定的地方，让你做好准备，让你变得更加强大，向你展示真实与虚假之间的区别。

You have a greater destiny and a greater purpose. You must follow this pathway and not give it up for love or money; not for beauty, wealth or charm. If you do this, your life will be preserved. And you will be able to become strong and mature enough to engage with certain people with whom you share a greater destiny. You will find them, and they will find you. And you will be ready for one another.

你有一个更伟大的天命和一个更伟大的目的。你必须遵循这条道路，而不是为了爱情或金钱、美貌、财富或魅力而放弃它。如果你遵循这条道路，你的生命将得到保护。你将能够变得足够强大和成熟，能够与特定的人打交道，与他们共享更伟大的天命。你会找到他们，他们也会找到你。你们将为彼此做好准备。