Chapter 3: Your Relationship with Others

As revealed to God’s Messenger Marshall Vian Summers on January 1, 1989 in Albany, NY
1989年1月1日，在纽约州奥尔巴尼(Albany, NY)，向上帝的信使马歇尔・维安・萨默斯(Marshall Vian Summers)揭示

Relationship with others is the environment in which true learning occurs. Your relationship with others is where you learn how to separate what you know from what you want or believe. It is the environment and the context in which true self-discovery becomes discerned and known. This is true for reasons that are both obvious and not so obvious.

与他人的关系是发生真实学习的环境。你与他人的关系是你学习如何将你所知道的与你想要或相信的分开的地方。它是真正的自我发现被辨别和知道的环境和背景。这是真的，原因既明显又不明显。

Perhaps you have discovered thus far that it is very hard to see yourself objectively. In fact, only to a certain degree can you see yourself at all. You need the eyes of another to point out aspects of yourself that you are either unaware of or cannot see clearly. You need the perspective of others to realize the meaning of your behavior and what it communicates to others. You also need to learn from the behavior of others, for people in the world around you are demonstrating all manner of error and all forms of self-deception and self-denial. Yet they are also demonstrating honesty and true communication in many forms. When you look at others and the world without condemnation and without attempting to justify your own ideas, you will be able to discern both truth and error. You will be able to benefit from the observation of both, for both are meant to serve you.

也许到目前为止你已经发现，要客观地看待自己是非常困难的。事实上，只有在某种程度上，你才能看到自己。你需要别人的眼睛来指出你自己的某些方面，而这些方面你要么没有意识到，要么不能清晰地看到。你需要他人的视角来认识你的行为的意义，以及它向他人传达的讯息。你也需要从别人的行为中学习，因为在你周围的世界里，人们正在展示各种形式的错误和各种形式的自欺欺人和自我否定。然而，他们也在以多种形式表现出诚实和真实的沟通。当你不加谴责地看待他人和世界，不试图为自己的想法辩护时，你将能够分辨出真理和错误。你将能够从对两者的观察中获益，因为两者都是为了服务你。

God wants you to heal your relationship with others, for in doing this, you will naturally be able to reclaim God unto yourself. God wants you to heal your relationship with others, for here you will finally learn to become objective with yourself. In the process, you will learn how to recognize your errors and obstacles. You will learn how to recognize that which oppresses you. And you will also learn to recognize the presence of Knowledge in your life. All that is false and all that is genuine can be discovered within the context of your relationships with others.

上帝希望你能治愈你与他人的关系，因为这样做，你自然能够为自己重新找回上帝。上帝希望你治愈你与他人的关系，因为在这里你将最终学会对自己变得客观。在这个过程中，你将学会如何认识自己的错误和障碍。你将学会识别那些压迫你的事物。你也将学会认识到内识在你生命中的存在。所有虚假的和所有真实的都可以在你与他人的关系中被发现。

A great deal has been written about relationships, and much of it is very useful at certain levels of understanding. However, you need a broader perspective to enable you to learn to become loving, discerning and honest. Here, instead of condemning the world for its errors, you recognize it is a perfect learning ground for the reclamation of Knowledge.

关于人际关系的文章很多，其中很多在某些理解层面上是非常有用的。然而，你需要一个更广泛的视角，使你能够学会变得有爱心、有辨别力和诚实。在这里，你不是因为世界的错误而谴责它，而是认识到它是开垦内识的完美学习场所。

People are teaching you all manner of error, self-deception and self-avoidance and are demonstrating the results of this in their personal relationships and in their activities in the world. People are also demonstrating the results of this in how they use and relate to their bodies and their minds. This is being demonstrated in so many ways that if you are looking carefully with the desire to learn, you cannot help but see the evidence that relationships which are used to fulfill fantasy and idealism must always go astray and end in anger and disappointment.

人们正在教你各种错误、自欺欺人和自我逃避，并在他们的个人关系和世界活动中展示了这种结果。人们还在如何使用他们的身体和心灵并与之发生关系方面展示了这种结果。这正以许多方式表现出来，如果你带着学习的愿望仔细观察，你就会不由自主地看到这样的证据：用来满足幻想和理想主义的关系一定会误入歧途，以愤怒和失望告终。

In all your relationships, you can only serve either Knowledge or the substitutes for Knowledge. The substitutes for Knowledge are reflected in your own ideas. If you are serving your ideas, you will attempt to use other people to fortify and justify your own ideas, primarily your ideas about yourself. Here you are attempting to make life fit into your definitions. You have expectations, both conscious and unconscious, within which you are trying to fit your experience, beliefs and evaluations of others. If this is done unconsciously, you will produce unhappy results over and over again in your interactions with other people. This will only tend to fortify your distrust and condemnation of them and of yourself.

在你所有的关系中，你只能为内识或内识的替代物服务。内识的替代品反映在你自己的想法中。如果你为自己的想法服务，你会试图利用其他人来巩固和证明你自己的想法，主要是你对自己的想法。在这里，你正试图使生命符合你的定义。你有意识和无意识的期望，你试图在其中适应你的经验、信念和对他人的评价。如果这是无意识地进行的，你将在与他人的互动中一次又一次地产生不愉快的结果。这只会倾向于加强你对他们和你自己的不信任和谴责。

From an objective point of view, others are teaching you everything you need to learn. You will find, as you learn to observe the behavior of others without judgment and condemnation, that error follows very simple patterns. Though the manifestations of these patterns can be quite varied, you will find that in all cases people are attempting to protect an idea of themselves. They are attempting to protect the survival of their bodies and their ideas by conducting themselves in a certain prescribed way, which in most cases is barely known to them. Yet they will follow this pattern faithfully until they learn to see it objectively, which will give them an opportunity to choose another way.

从客观的角度来看，别人正在教你一切你需要学习的关系。你会发现，当你学会观察他人的行为而不进行评判和谴责时，错误遵循非常简单的模式。虽然这些模式的表现形式可以很多样，但你会发现在所有情况下，人们都在试图保护自己的一个想法。他们试图通过以某种规定的方式来保护自己的身体和想法的生存，而这种方式在大多数情况下几乎不为他们所知。然而他们会忠实地遵循这种模式，直到他们学会客观地看待它，这将给他们一个选择另一种方式的机会。

You who are learning to reclaim Knowledge, which contains your spiritual identity and power, must then be grateful to those who teach you error, for they are saving you time. They are saving you time by teaching you what you must learn now. Their demonstration will show you that there are no alternatives to Knowledge for finding fulfillment and happiness in life. There are no real alternatives. Through folly and discouragement, deception and disappointment, others will teach you to value Knowledge above all things by showing you that there is no benefit to be gained by trying to live out your ideas and fantasies. They will show you all the ways that Knowledge can be avoided and they will show you the results. How can you be anything but grateful to those who show you how and why you must value your own Knowledge? This does not always determine how you are to participate with people. But it does determine the best way to perceive them.

正在学习重新获得内识的你，其中包含了你精神上的身份和力量，那么你必须感谢那些教你错误的人，因为他们正在为你节省时间。他们正在通过教你现在必须学习的关系来节省你的时间。他们的示范将告诉你，要想在生活中找到成就感和幸福感，除了内识之外没有其他选择。没有真正的替代品。通过愚蠢和气馁、欺骗和失望，其他人会教你重视内识，让你知道，试图实现你的想法和幻想是没有好处的。他们会向你展示所有可以避免内识的方法，他们会向你展示结果。对于那些告诉你如何以及为什么你必须重视自己的内识的人，你怎么能不感激呢？这并不总是决定你要如何与人交往。但它确实决定了感知他们的最佳方式。

Everyone is always teaching you about the truth as well. Within their distorted thinking and behavior is the seed of truth. For every act and every communication holds within it a seed of truth. Though their acts and communication may, in their final expression, be distorted or destructive and produce conflict and unhappiness, within them people are trying to express something real. All human failure is the unsuccessful attempt at communication. As you learn to become strong with Knowledge, you will be able to begin to discern the seeds of truth in people’s communications. Then even those who openly support error can teach you that they are trying to express something real.

每个人也总是在教你关于真理。在他们扭曲的思维和行为中，蕴含着真理的种子。因为每一个行为和每一次交流都包含着真理的种子。尽管他们的行为和交流在最后的表达中可能是扭曲的或破坏性的，并产生冲突和不愉快，但在这些行为和交流中，人们正试图表达一些真实的真理。人类所有的失败都是不成功的沟通尝试。当你学会成为内识的强者时，你将能够开始辨别人们交流中的真理的种子。然后，即使是那些公开支持错误的人也能告诉你，他们正试图表达一些真实的真理。

Understanding this will enable you to learn the law of forgiveness. For you cannot overlook error in order to forgive it, you cannot deny error in order to forgive it and you cannot call error by another name. You must see that error is a mistake. Yet it can be a form of service, both through its demonstration of the need for Knowledge and through the seeds of truth which it contains. This is not something you have to figure out, for this will be known, and it will come to you naturally as your mind becomes open to the Knowledge that God has given you. Then you will be in a position to see that all the demonstrations of error in the world, no matter how thoughtless, cruel or destructive, demonstrate that all substitutes for Knowledge must fail and will provide suffering and misery for all involved. They are failed attempts at genuine communication.

理解这一点将使你能够学习宽恕的法则。因为你不能为了原谅它而忽视错误，你不能为了原谅它而否认错误，你不能用别的名字称呼错误。你必须看到，错误就是错误。然而，它也可以是一种服务的形式，通过它对内识需求的展示，通过它所包含的真理的种子。这不是你必须弄清楚的事情，因为这将是已知的，当你的心灵变得对上帝给你的内识开放时，它将自然而然地来到你身边。然后你就会看到，世界上所有错误的表现，无论多么不经意、残酷或破坏性，都表明所有内识的替代品必须失败，并为所有参与的人带来痛苦和不幸。它们是真正沟通的失败尝试。

People demonstrate error, yet they also demonstrate truth, not only from the seed of truth within their failed communications but in their genuine communications as well. For given the right circumstances and given the right encouragement, most people can be heroic, devoted, selfless, genuine and giving. This, in fact, is demonstrated in each person’s life, though perhaps only momentarily and very rarely. Certain rare individuals are able to demonstrate this more consistently. You can see this in people, if you wish to.

人们展示了错误，但他们也展示了真理，不仅来自于他们失败的沟通中的真理种子，也来自于他们真正的沟通。因为在适当的环境下，在适当的鼓励下，大多数人都可以成为英雄，献身，无私，真诚和奉献。事实上，这一点在每个人的生活中都有所体现，尽管可能只是瞬间的，而且非常少。某些罕见的人能够更持续地展示这一点。如果你愿意，你可以在人们身上看到这一点。

Here it is necessary to be able to see both truth and error objectively. Do not think that you can see truth by denying error. And do not think you can comprehend human behavior and evolution by their positive aspects alone, for you must see all of it. Your Knowledge will take from all of it what is real and genuine, and from this, it will teach you how to see, how to act and, therefore, how to live.

在这里，有必要能够客观地看到真理和错误。不要认为你可以通过否认错误来看到真理。也不要认为你可以仅通过其积极的方面来理解人类的行为和进化，因为你必须看到它的全部。你的内识将从中提取出真实和真诚的部分，并从中教你如何看待，如何行动，从而如何生活。

Forgiveness enables you to see another, to hear another and to experience another. However, until forgiveness has been achieved, you will only experience your ideas about another, and you will not truly be with the other person at all. Here your relationship is more with your ideas about another and not with another. It is possible for people to be together for years and years and never experience one another. It is possible for people to spend great periods of time interacting while only fortifying their ideas and judgments about one another. As a result, there is little or no genuine experience of relationship and love, which is an experience of affinity and shared identity. This lack of recognition is happening all the time and is being demonstrated all around you. You are encouraged to see this. Yet you will only be able to see this if you look without criticism. For why should you be critical of people when they are giving you exactly what you need in order to motivate you to follow Knowledge within yourself?

宽恕使你能够看到另一个人，听到另一个人，经历另一个人。然而，在实现宽恕之前，你只能经历到你对另一个人的想法，你根本不会真正与对方在一起。在这里，你的关系更多的是与你对另一个人的想法，而不是与另一个人。人们有可能在一起多年，但从未经历过彼此。人们有可能花大量的时间进行互动，而只是强化他们对彼此的想法和判断。因此，很少或没有真正的关系和爱的经历，而爱是一种亲和力和共同身份的经历。这种缺乏认同的情况一直在发生，并在你们周围表现出来。我们鼓励你看到这一点。然而，只有当你不加批评地看时，你才能够看到这一点。因为当人们给你的正是你需要的内识，以激励你在自己的内心追寻内识时，你为什么要批评他们呢？

Genuine learning can only come through contrast. You must see the effects of living according to your ideas in contrast to the results of living according to real experience. This is vital and necessary. This shows you the difference between living with life and living apart from life, cut off by your own ideas.

真正的学习只能通过对比来实现。你必须看到按照你的想法生活的效果，与按照真实经验生活的结果之间的对比。这是至关重要和必要的。这向你展示了与生命一起生活和与生命分离、被你自己的想法切断的区别。

As your mind begins to serve a Greater Power and as a result of your own development, you will learn to see how your imagination and your thoughts can be blessed, harmonized and given true purpose so that they too can serve you in all ways. For you will continue to have an imagination, and you will continue to have thoughts. It is the purpose they serve that demonstrates their value to you.

当你的心灵开始为更伟大的力量服务时，作为你自己发展的结果，你将学会看到你的想象力和你的感想如何被祝福、协调和赋予真正的目的，以便它们也能在所有方面为你服务。因为你将继续有想象力，你将继续有感想。正是它们所服务的目的显示了它们对你的价值。

It is emphasized in some spiritual teachings that everyone is equal and one with each other. This is true, but not on the level at which you experience life within this world. You experience life in this world in order to achieve certain goals through taking action with certain people. This creates a necessary division of labor because the world is a place to work and to learn. Here people function in different capacities, in different roles, with different ranges of ability and different specialization. Even in a very perfect sense, in the world this would still be true.

在一些精神上的教导中经常强调，每个人都是平等的，相互之间是一体的。这是真实的，但不是在你在这个世界上经历生命的层面上。你在这个世界上经历生命，是为了通过与某些人采取行动来实现某些目标。这创造了一个必要的分工，因为世界是一个工作和学习的地方。在这里，人们以不同的能力、不同的角色、不同的能力范围和不同的专业来发挥作用。即使在一个非常完美的意义上，在这个世界上，这仍然是事实。

Therefore, there is an inequality of role and function. Yet this does not belittle or condemn anyone because, in truth, all are learning to serve the reclamation of Knowledge. Everyone is a student, everyone is learning and everyone is contributing truth and error to some degree. This is seeing in a very perfect way. Yet here you must accept that you cannot experience a harmonious relationship with everyone you meet because you were designed to do something specific with certain individuals. Because you were so designed, you need to find those people who have a similar designation. With them, you will have the opportunity to match your design perfectly with their design in order to achieve the desired result. Knowledge both within you and within them will help you find one another.

因此，存在着角色和功能的不平等。然而，这并没有贬低或谴责任何人，因为事实上，所有人都在学习，为内识的开垦服务。每个人都是学生，每个人都在学习，每个人都在某种程度上贡献真理和错误。这是以一种非常完美的方式看到的。然而在这里你必须接受，你不能与你遇到的每个人都经历到和谐的关系，因为你被设计为与某些人做特定的事情。因为你被如此设计，你需要找到那些有类似指定的人。与他们在一起，你将有机会将你的设计与他们的设计完美匹配，以达到预期的结果。你内部和他们内部的内识都会帮助你们找到彼此。

Here, however, you must be very careful because your own personal passions, beliefs and affections can cloud your vision and masquerade as Knowledge itself. It takes great discernment to recognize another person whose design is meant to complement yours. Even here you must be certain that you are prepared for such an encounter, for the success of this relationship is not only based on potential but on readiness and manifest ability. This requires restraint and discernment. Knowledge will show you everything you need to know within yourself, if you will but follow Knowledge. But following Knowledge requires refinement and preparation. It requires both learning and unlearning. It requires that you learn to recognize the purpose and value of your relationships.

然而，在这里，你必须非常小心，因为你自己的个人激情、信仰和情感会遮蔽你的视野，伪装成内识本身。要识别另一个人的设计是为了补充你的设计，这需要极大的辨别力。即使在这里，你也必须确定你已经为这样的相遇做好了准备，因为这种关系的成功不仅是基于潜力，而且是基于准备和显露的能力。这需要克制和辨别。如果你愿意跟随内识，内识会向你展示你在自己内心需要知道的一切。但追随内识需要完善和准备。它既需要学习，也需要解除学习。它要求你学会认识你的关系的目的和价值。

Your Inner Teachers, who watch over you, place great value on your interactions with others, for this is what will either reinforce or deny the truth within you. These interactions will provide the environment where you will either reclaim your true Self or deepen the darkness of your separation and self-doubt. Your Inner Teachers do not offer you escape from this, but instead offer meaningful engagement with others.

观察你的内在老师非常重视你与他人的互动，因为这将加强或否定你内在的真理。这些互动将提供一个环境，在那里你要么重新找回你的真我，要么加深你分离和自我怀疑的黑暗。你的内在老师并不为你提供逃避的机会，而是提供与他人有意义的交往。

It is not appropriate, then, to seek escape in spiritual study from the difficulties of being in relationships with others. Though you may achieve a certain proficiency in spiritual practice, you will gain no true advancement without becoming discerning, genuine and effective in your relationships. God is the sum of all relationships. For you to experience God, your desire and capacity for relationship must grow and be cultivated. This occurs within the sphere of your personal relationships. That is not the only arena for your development, but it is a primary one. If you wish to find God, then you must experience God in your relationship with others. This will end any hidden ambition to use spirituality to escape your responsibilities.

因此，在精神研究中寻求逃避与他人相处的困难是不合适的。虽然你可以在精神练习中达到一定的熟练程度，但如果你在人际关系中没有变得有辨别力、真诚和有效，你就不会获得真正的进步。上帝是所有关系的总和。要想经历上帝，你对关系的渴望和能力必须得到增长和培养。这发生在你个人关系的范围内。这不是你发展的唯一领域，但它是一个主要领域。如果你想找到上帝，那么你必须在与他人的关系中经历上帝。这将结束任何隐藏的野心，结束利用精神性来逃避你的责任。

Spirituality can look very attractive in contrast to the world, and many seek refuge there. However, you will find that your true spiritual development will require you to re-enter the world and to face your real dilemmas here. You can achieve success in this because you carry Knowledge within you.

与世界相比，精神性看起来非常有吸引力，许多人在那里寻求庇护。然而，你会发现，你真实的精神发展将需要你重新进入这个世界，并在这里面对你真正的困境。你可以在这方面获得成功，因为你的内心带着内识。

Building genuine personal relationships is a challenge and one that will call upon both your spiritual awareness and your worldly skills. It will require that you be alert, discerning and objective and refrain from condemnation and fantasy so that you may see others clearly and take effective action as a result.

建立真正的关系是一项挑战，它将需要你精神上的觉知和世俗技能。它要求你警觉、辨别和客观，避免谴责和幻想，以便你能清楚地看到别人，并因此采取有效行动。

True spiritual advancement is the result of a growing desire and capacity to experience Knowledge within yourself and compassion, affinity and purpose in your relationships. This is a practical definition of spiritual advancement. Great truths, potent spiritual practices, awareness of angels and the existence of spiritual forces may be quite intriguing and engaging, but they cannot rest upon a foundation that is not built upon advancement in the way of Knowledge. These things can merely give you new things in which to engage your imagination and thinking. Yet true development will always end up in the arena of relationship with yourself and with others.

真正的精神提升是在自己内心经历内识和在关系中经历同情、亲和和目的的愿望和能力不断增强的结果。这是对精神提升的一个实际定义。伟大的真理、有力的精神实践、对天使的觉知和精神上力量的存在可能相当吸引人，但它们不能建立在不以内识的方式进步的基础上。这些事情只能给你带来新的经验，让你的想象力和思维参与其中。然而，真实的发展最终总会回归到你与自己和他人的关系领域。

Your Inner Teachers are qualified to teach this because of their advancement in relationship. They are able to speak both individually and as one. They are able to join beyond physical obstructions. They are able to communicate through different dimensions. They have learned to transcend the barriers which seem to circumscribe you now. They wish to impart what they have achieved to you so that your life may be purposeful, meaningful and happy.

你的内在老师有资格教这个，因为他们在关系上有进步。他们既能单独说话，又能作为一个整体说话。他们能够超越身体上的障碍而加入。他们能够通过不同的维度进行沟通。他们已经学会了超越那些现在似乎将你包围起来的障碍。他们希望把他们所取得的成就传授给你，使你的生命有目的、有意义和快乐。

You have a specific design as an individual, and you have a specific purpose, which is your calling in life. Therefore, it is very important who you associate with. Though many are available to teach you the paths of error, it is rare that you are asked to associate with them closely unless your Knowledge calls for you to do so. Yet that is an exception. What is important is that you find those individuals with whom you are meant to be engaged and distinguish this recognition from your own personal attractions and obsessions. You will find there will be many people in life whom you could love and for whom you would feel great attraction. Yet few of them will offer you the gift of Knowledge. For the purpose of genuine relationship is not merely the unlearning of illusions through disappointment, but the realization of your spiritual reality through fulfilling a greater purpose together. Even here, the form of your relationship must be carefully discerned, for two people may be meant to serve a higher purpose together, yet it may not be appropriate for them to be married or to assume another form of preferred relationship.

作为一个人，你有一个特定的设计，你有一个特定的目的，这是你在生命中的召唤。因此，你与谁交往是非常重要的。虽然有很多人可以教你走错误的道路，但很少有人要求你与他们密切交往，除非你的内识要求你这样做。但这是个例外。重要的是，你要找到那些你注定要与之交往的人，并将这种认识与你个人的吸引力和执着区分开来。你会发现生活中会有许多你可以爱的人，你会对他们感到巨大的吸引力。然而，他们中很少有人会向你提供内识的礼物。因为真正关系的目的不仅仅是通过失望来解除幻想，而是通过共同完成一个更伟大的目的来实现你们精神上的现实。即使在这里，你们关系的形式也必须仔细辨别，因为两个人可能是要一起为一个更高的宗旨服务，但他们可能不适合结婚或承担另一种形式的首选关系。

You have both the essence and the form. They should not be confused. If you were with Knowledge completely, there would be no problem here. However, because you live according to your ideas and prescriptions in a world of separation, you must learn to distinguish between the essence and the form of things. You may love another, but it may not be appropriate for you to assume an intimate form of relationship together. Here it is usually necessary to wait in order to truly discern what form is most appropriate for your relationship. This is wisdom. Wisdom is learning how to do things to produce a true result.

你既有实质又有形式。它们不应该被混淆。如果你完全和内识在一起，这里就不会有问题。然而，因为你根据你的想法和规定生活在一个分离的世界里，你必须学会区分关系的实质和形式。你可能爱另一个人，但你们一起承担亲密的关系形式可能不合适。这里通常需要等待，以便真正辨别什么形式最适合你们的关系。这就是智慧。智慧是学习如何做事情以产生真正的结果。

Think of it like this: You are like a piece of a larger puzzle. You fit perfectly with other pieces, but only with certain pieces. With many pieces of the puzzle it will be a partial fit. You almost fit, and, like trying to fit two pieces of a puzzle together that don’t really match, you may try to force a relationship with another because the fit appears to be so close. Yet if you could stand back and see what your picture demonstrates, you would see that though there may be great attraction, you do not belong together.

可以这样想：你就像一个更大拼图的一部分。你与其他碎片完美契合，但仅与某些碎片契合。对于拼图中的许多部分，它会是部分契合。你几乎契合，就像试图将两块实际上不匹配的拼图块拼在一起一样，你可能会试图强迫与另一个人建立关系，因为这种适合看起来是如此接近。然而，如果你能退后一步，看到你的拼图展示的内容，你会发现尽管可能有很大的吸引力，但你们并不属于一起。

You are living in the world, so you cannot see the world from a greater vantage point, at least not yet. But you can learn how to fit with others and how to allow for others not to fit with you. This would be obvious if you could see this clearly without preference or denial. Yet most people try and build their entire lives on preference and denial. You can learn how to naturally fit with others, but you must learn this patiently through direct experience with people. Here it is necessary to accelerate your learning process so that it may save you years of difficult learning and disappointment. This will save you time.

你生活在这个世界上，所以你不能从一个更高的观测位置看这个世界，至少现在还不能。但你可以学习如何与他人融合，以及如何允许他人不与你融合。如果你能清楚地看到这一点，没有偏爱或否认，这将是显而易见的。然而，大多数人试图把他们的整个生活建立在偏爱和否认上。你可以学习如何自然地与他人相适应，但你必须通过与人相处的直接经历耐心地学习这个。在这里，有必要加速你的学习过程，这样可以省去你多年的艰难学习和失望。这将为你节省时间。

If you could stand back and view the fabric of human relationships, you would see that it creates a picture. All the pieces together create a picture. For you, the pieces all seem to be scrambled, and there is no apparent relationship between them. Yet your Inner Teachers, who stand beyond the world, can see the picture that your puzzle creates. They also see that, from your standpoint, the puzzle is in complete disarray. Learning wisdom and discernment in relationships will enable you to find those pieces with which you fit perfectly. However, this will require patience and restraint on your part. It will be necessary to cultivate these two abilities.

如果你能站在后面查看人际关系的结构，你会发现它创造了一幅画。所有的碎片一起创造了一幅画。对你来说，这些碎片似乎都被打乱了，它们之间没有明显的关系。然而你的内在老师，站在世界之外，可以看到你的拼图所创造的画面。他们也看到，从你的角度来看，这个拼图是完全混乱的。在关系中学习智慧和辨别力，将使你能够找到那些与你完美契合的碎片。然而，这将需要你的耐心和克制。培养这两种能力是必要的。

You will find many situations where you almost fit with another person, but not completely. And you will be tempted perhaps to force yourself together and to deny or overlook the obvious reasons why you cannot join. Here you may justify your efforts in the name of personal growth, especially if there is a spiritual resonance between you and the other person. You may justify your efforts in the name of love, thinking that if you love the other person enough, you will be able to join with them. But in order to find those individuals with whom you are meant to be joined, you must become free from these other attempts at relationship. You must step away from them. Do this with courage even though it may be painful.

你会发现很多情况下，你几乎适合另一个人，但不完全适合。你会受到诱惑，也许会强迫自己在一起，否认或忽视你不能加入的明显原因。在这里，你可能会以个人成长的名义为自己的努力辩护，特别是如果你和对方之间有精神上的共鸣。你可能以爱的名义为自己的努力辩护，认为如果你足够爱对方，你就能与他们结合。但是为了找到那些你注定要与之结合的人，你必须从这些其他的关系尝试中解放出来。你必须远离他们。勇敢地做到这一点，即使它可能是痛苦的。

Here you open and prepare yourself for true engagement. If you have developed the necessary patience and discernment, you will be able to recognize this engagement without a great deal of speculation or evaluation. For when you meet those individuals with whom you are meant to carry forth a greater purpose in life, they will simply be recognized. There will not be a frenzy of emotion in being around them. You will not be passionately swept away and deliriously captivated with their presentation of themselves. No. It will be quiet. It will be simple. It will be deep. They will be known. You will fit together easily because two pieces that fit together do fit together easily. And though there will be personal problems along the way, and though there will be some disagreements and discord, your essential natures will complement each other perfectly, and you will realize that relationships are the means and not the end for experiencing a greater purpose in life.

在这里，你为真实的交往打开并准备好自己。如果你已经培养了必要的耐心和辨别力，你将能够认识到这种交往，而不需要大量的猜测或评估。因为当你遇到那些你注定要在生命中实现更伟大目的的人时，他们将被简单地认出。在他们身边不会有狂热的情绪。你不会因为他们对自己的介绍而热情洋溢，神魂颠倒地被迷住。不，它将是安静的。它将是简单的。它将是深刻的。他们将被知道。你们会很容易地结合在一起，因为两块合在一起的碎片确实很容易合在一起。尽管一路上会有个人问题，尽管会有一些分歧和不和谐，但你们的本质属性会完美地互补，你们会意识到，关系是经历生命中更伟大的目的的方式而不是目的。

Therefore, do not think that if you are enlightened, you can join with any person to whom you are attracted. Do not think that if your mind were clear and your heart were pure that you could be in intimate relationship with anyone you desire. Do not assume that if your spiritual natures were both activated, that you could heal all wounds in a relationship and overcome all obstacles, for this is surely not the case. Only in fantasy can this be seriously entertained. Life will demonstrate to you over and over, in many situations, that this is not the case.

因此，不要认为如果你开悟了，你就可以与任何你所吸引的人结合。不要认为如果你的头脑清晰，你的内心纯洁，你就可以与你所希望的任何人建立亲密关系。不要认为如果你在精神上都被激活，你就能治愈关系中的所有创伤，克服所有障碍，因为这肯定不是事实。只有在幻想中才能认真对待这个问题。生活会在许多情况下一次又一次地向你证明，情况并非如此。

You are like a piece of a puzzle. You cannot yet see your own shape clearly because you are inside of your shape. But if you could see your shape objectively from a distance, if you could see yourself in true relationship with others, you would learn a great deal more about your nature and design.

你就像一块拼图。你还不能清楚地看到你自己的形状，因为你在你的形状里面。但如果你能从远处客观地看到你的形状，如果你能在与他人的真实关系中看到自己，你会对自己的本性和设计了解得更多。

People are often too afraid of self-condemnation to look at themselves objectively because they think that all that they will see is their own error. They are afraid that if they uncover the real truth about themselves, they will be permanently and completely discouraged. Yet what they will begin to see is their specific design.

人们常常害怕自我谴责，不敢客观地看自己，因为他们认为他们将看到的都是自己的错误。他们害怕如果发现自己的真正真相，他们会永久地完全灰心。然而，他们将开始看到的是他们特定的设计。

You were indeed designed for something that you have not yet discovered. And until you do discover it, you will tend to misconstrue your design or to deny it altogether. Recognizing your design leads to self-acceptance and self-trust. This makes self-appreciation possible because there is no deception here. But your design cannot be discerned alone for it is only meaningful in relationship with others. Your unique shape only has relevance in relationship with those with whom you fit in the puzzle itself. That is why alone you cannot fully know yourself. That is why your relationship with others is the arena for growth.

你确实是为一些你还没有发现的目的而设计的。在你发现它之前，你会倾向于误解你的设计，或者完全否认它。认识到你的设计会导致自我接受和自我信任。这使得自我欣赏成为可能，因为这里没有欺骗。但你的设计不能被单独辨别，因为它只有在与他人的关系中才有意义。你的独特形状只有在与那些你适合的人的关系中才有意义。这就是为什么独自一人的你不能完全知道自己。这就是为什么你与他人的关系是成长的舞台。

Be very careful here. In the context of beginning a relationship, move slowly and cautiously, for here it is very easy to make a mistake. If you are truly engaged with another, being cautious will not infringe upon your destiny together. It is better to move slowly than quickly. Knowledge will indicate if something drastic needs to be done. Yet be very careful because relationships cast a great influence upon you as you cast your influence upon them.

在这里要非常小心。在开始一段关系的情况下，要缓慢而谨慎地行动，因为在这里很容易犯错。如果你真的与另一个人交往，谨慎不会影响你们在一起的天命。缓慢行动比快速行动要好。内识会表明是否需要做一些激烈的事情。然而要非常小心，因为人际关系对你有很大的影响，就像你对他们的影响一样。

Your ability to succeed in life will be very dependent upon finding the right people. Without preference or denial, these essential relationships can be found and recognized though you will have to wait for them to arrive. Why will you have to wait? Because your development must coincide with their development. If they are set back, you must wait. If they go astray, you must wait. Therefore, your success in life is not dependent upon you alone. If you think about this objectively, it will make perfect sense to you.

你在生命中的成功能力将非常依赖于找到合适的人。没有偏好或否认，这些至关重要的关系可以被发现和识别，尽管你将不得不等待他们的到来。为什么你要等待？因为你的发展必须与他们的发展相吻合。如果它们受到挫折，你必须等待。如果他们误入歧途，你也必须等待。因此，你在生命中的成功并不取决于你一个人。如果你客观地思考这个问题，你就会觉得很有道理。

Use caution and discernment in getting to know someone. It is very tempting to justify an inappropriate engagement by thinking you can wait for the development of another, believing that they will be able to join with you in time. Yet this is not appropriate. Participation in real relationships must be dependent upon readiness and not upon potential.

在知道某人的过程中要谨慎，要有鉴别能力。非常诱人的是，你认为你可以等待另一个人的发展，相信他们将能够及时与你结合，从而为不适当的约定辩护。然而这是不恰当的。参与真正的关系必须取决于准备情况，而不是取决于潜力。

Your Inner Teachers recognize your potential, but they are not deceived by what you think you can do at this moment. As a result, they give you what you can actually accomplish so that each step in your advancement may be sound and built upon success. Without this, you will attempt to live either far below or far beyond your capacity. You will attempt to justify activities and engagements with others which cannot be justified. You will attempt to maintain relationships without promise, all to justify your beliefs and ideas.

你的内在老师认识到你的潜力，但他们不会被你认为自己此刻能做的事情所欺骗。因此，他们给你的是你实际能够完成的关系，这样你进步的每一步都可能是健全的，并建立在成功之上。如果没有这一点，你就会试图活得远远低于或远远超出你的能力。你会试图为自己的活动和与他人的交往寻找理由，而这些活动和交往是无法证明的。你会试图维持没有承诺的关系，都是为了证明你的信仰和想法。

Here you must examine your situation very carefully and be very honest with yourself as you do so. There is no value in defending something that is not going to work. If you will look at the demonstration of relationships around you, you will see the enormous cost of doing so. If you look very carefully, you will see there is no hope in protecting something that is not going to work. It will only prolong the time it takes for you to find the truth. Time here can be equated with suffering. God’s will is to relieve you of your suffering and to enable you to eliminate it completely. This requires that you find the most expedient means to learn through experience how to apply Knowledge. Your relationship with others is your learning arena, and here you will find that there is more to unlearn than to learn. For your mind must be cleared and freed of its restraints, its assumptions and its oppressive demands in order for it to follow its natural course, which it will do if guided by Knowledge.

在这里，你必须非常仔细地检查你的情况，并在这样做时对自己非常诚实。为不可能成功的关系辩护是没有价值的。如果你愿意看看你周围关系的示范，你会看到这样做的巨大代价。如果你非常仔细地看，你会看到保护不会成功的关系是没有希望的。它只会延长你找到真理的时间。这里的时间可以等同于痛苦。上帝的意愿是解除你的痛苦，使你能够完全消除痛苦。这要求你找到最便捷的方式，通过经验学习如何应用内识。你与他人的关系是你的学习舞台，在这里你会发现，要解除的关系比你要学习的关系要多。因为你的心灵必须被清理，摆脱它的束缚、假设和压迫性的要求，以使它遵循其自然的路线，如果有内识的指导，它就会这样做。

Preparation is necessary. You can prepare for real relationship without travail and without having to undergo one terribly disappointing engagement after another. However, to do this, you must learn to look, to see, to feel and to know. You must learn to become objective about your motives and assumptions and learn from both the demonstrations of truth and of error from people around you. If you are open and if you are learning to trust Knowledge, to whatever extent that you experience it, you will be able to move forward and learn that which is essential for your empowerment and for your happiness.

准备是必要的。你可以为真正的关系做准备，而不需要经历一个又一个可怕的令人失望的约定。然而，要做到这一点，你必须学会去看，去看见，去感受和去知道。你必须学会客观地看待你的动机和假设，并从你周围的人所展示的真理和错误中学习。如果你是开放的，如果你正在学习信任内识，无论你经历到什么程度，你将能够向前迈进，学习对你的权能和你的幸福至关重要的内识。

However, there are many pitfalls in this journey and many of them will be illustrated in this book. There are many opportunities for error, and there are many situations where you cannot know what you have to learn. Yet if you look at others and if you observe yourself as you participate with others objectively without condemnation, you will be able to learn with a minimum of difficulty and disappointment. Yes, it is true that many ideas that you have about yourself will have to be relinquished, but what are ideas about yourself compared to the glory of your spiritual nature and the power of your genuine relationships in life? How little you sacrifice for something so great. Your sacrifice is so little, it is non-existent. It is merely giving up that which shackles and burdens you, that which oppresses you and makes you a slave to little things. This you give up for the freedom of finding true relationship and true accomplishment in the world.

然而，在这个旅程中，有许多陷阱，其中许多将在本书中得到说明。有很多出错的机会，有很多情况下你无法知道你要学习什么。然而，如果你看看别人，如果你在客观地参与别人的活动时观察自己，而不加以谴责，你就能在最小的困难和失望的情况下学习。是的，你对自己的许多想法确实必须放弃，但与你精神上的本性以及你生命中真正关系的力量相比，对自己的想法又算得了什么？你为如此伟大的力量所做的牺牲是多么渺小啊。你的牺牲是如此之小，它是不存在的。它只是放弃了那些束缚你并使你产生负担的想法，那些使你成为琐碎事物奴隶的想法。你放弃这些是为了在这个世界上找到真实的关系和真实成就的自由。

Therefore, do not think of your spiritual advancement in terms of sacrifice. Think of it in terms of being free from a prison of your own making. Think of it as the full utilization of your inherent skills and abilities. Think of it as a true engagement with others in community and in genuine marriage so that you may proceed forward with certainty.

因此，不要从牺牲的角度来考虑你精神上的进步。要把它想成是从你自己制造的监狱中解脱出来。把它看作是对你固有的技能和能力的充分运用。把它想成是在社区和真正的婚姻中与他人的真正接触，这样你就可以肯定地向前迈进。

You have good cause to love others because they are teaching you everything you need to learn. You have no cause to condemn them, no matter how grievous their errors. Even the most grievous error will show you your own need for Knowledge and your own need to allow your spiritual nature to speak through you. Here you can celebrate the achievements of humanity, and you can learn accurately from its errors and difficulties. This is the basis for love in the world. This is the basis for true objectivity.

你有充分的理由去爱别人，因为他们正在教你一切你需要学习的关系。你没有理由谴责他们，无论他们的错误多么严重。即使是最严重的错误也会让你看到你自己对内识的需求，你自己需要让你精神上的本性通过你说话。在这里，你可以庆祝人类的成就，你也可以从人类的错误和困难中准确地学习。这是世界上爱的基础。这是真实客观性的基础。

To achieve this, however, you must have the commitment to reclaim your Knowledge and to follow the way to Knowledge. This is the commitment to discover your spiritual nature. Building this commitment over time gives you the ability, the perspective and the opportunity to view relationships in an entirely new way. There is really no other alternative that is in any way beneficial. Without this commitment, you will become isolated again in your own condemnation and misery. You will live according to your ideas alone, and they will be harsh rulers and you will be a slave unto them.

然而，要实现这一点，你必须有承诺，重新获得你的内识，并遵循内识之路。这就是发现你精神上本性的承诺。随着时间的推移，建立这种承诺使你有能力、有视角、有机会以一种全新的方式看待人际关系。真的没有其他的选择，在任何方面都是有益的。如果没有这个承诺，你将再次在自己的谴责和痛苦中变得孤立无援。你将只按照自己的想法生活，它们将是苛刻的统治者，你将成为它们的奴隶。

It is important here to remember that separation itself is a competition for power. It is attempting to live without God in the universe. Or, in other words, it is attempting to be in life without the Source of your life. In the context of a relationship, it is attempting to be in relationship with another without really being with another. It is attempting to have love without giving love.

在这里，重要的是要记住，分离本身就是一种力量的竞争。它是试图在宇宙中没有上帝的情况下生活。或者，换句话说，它是试图在没有你生命之源的情况下存在于生命中。在关系的背景下，它是试图与另一个人建立关系，而没有真正与另一个人在一起。它是试图拥有爱而不付出爱。

If you have made an accurate assessment of your relationships in the past, you will see that they have taught you to value your own inner guidance and your own intuition and to trust your deeper discernment. For in many cases, you may see that you recognized the outcome of the relationship at the very outset. In many cases, you knew that it would not work but you chose to have the immediate gratification of being together at the expense of your future happiness and well-being. If this has been your experience, learn from this and do not condemn yourself because this realization is necessary to enable you to value Knowledge and to give your Knowledge priority over the immediate gratification of your wishes and preferences. This is part of the maturity which is necessary for true advancement.

如果你对你过去的关系做了准确的评估，你会看到它们教会你重视你自己的内在指导和你自己的直觉，并相信你更深层面的辨别力。因为在许多情况下，你可能会看到，你在一开始就认识到了这段关系的结果。在许多情况下，你知道它不会成功，但你选择了以牺牲你未来的幸福和福祉为代价来获得在一起的即时满足。如果这是你的经历，请从中学习，不要谴责自己，因为这种认识是必要的，使你能够重视内识，将你的内识优先于你的愿望和喜好的即时满足。这是真实进步所需的成熟度的一部分。

For you to find your higher purpose in life, you must not fall prey to the many attractions along the way. These attractive engagements with others will rob you of your Knowledge and will prevent your genuine relationships from coming into being. As it has been said, others will teach you through demonstration all the manifestations of error. Yet it is important to realize that many of these manifestations of error will be attractive and seductive. That is why you may learn from another who is demonstrating error, but you are rarely advised to be in close proximity to them. Choose your engagements carefully, enter into them slowly and allow your Knowledge, as opposed to your ambition, to guide your actions. You lose nothing by moving slowly; you risk everything by moving quickly. If you cannot allow yourself to move slowly, you have good cause to distrust your motives already.

为了让你在生命中找到更高宗旨，你必须不被沿途的许多吸引力所迷惑。这些与他人的诱人参与会夺走你的内识，并会阻止你真正的关系产生。正如已经说过的，别人会通过示范来教你所有错误的表现。然而，重要的是要认识到，这些错误的许多表现形式将是有吸引力和诱惑力的。这就是为什么你可以从另一个正在展示错误的人那里学习，但很少建议你接近他们。仔细选择你的参与，慢慢地进入它们，让你的内识，而不是你的野心，来指导你的行动。缓慢地行动，你不会失去任何关系；快速地行动，你会冒一切风险。如果你不能允许自己慢慢行动，你就有充分的理由不相信你的动机。

Knowledge within you will indicate where you need to be, how you need to participate with others and to what extent you are to give yourself to any relationship. Your ability, then, to discern your Knowledge, to accept your Knowledge and to follow your Knowledge is the key to your success. This is the very essence of spiritual development. Knowledge must be demonstrated in your relationships, for these are the most difficult areas in which to be impartial. These are the most difficult areas in which to act without fear, guilt or preference. And these are the most difficult areas to release that which does not serve you.

你内心的内识会指出你需要在哪里，你需要如何参与他人，以及你要在多大程度上为任何关系给予自己。那么，你辨别你的内识、接受你的内识和遵循你的内识的能力，就是你成功的关键。这是精神上发展的实质。内识必须在你的关系中表现出来，因为这些是最难做到公正的领域。这些领域是最难以在没有恐惧、内疚或喜好的情况下行动的。这些领域也是最难以放弃，也是对你没有帮助的关系。